Do you think I have the right to be hurt by this?

Question

I asked my husband if he would marry me all over again, and he said "probably not". I asked him why not. He said because he didn't get married to be alone most of the time.
I couldn't believe my ears. We do nearly everything together.
We are constantly travelling and going to events around the city and I rarely go out on my own. One problem he said is the matter of my health. I have had some health problems since we married but I try not to dwell on them. He is very unsympathetic. If I ever cry, it's "C'mon get over it!" We have been married nearly 5 years and I feel very unloved, but I am not ready to give up on our marriage. I think he would divorce me but for having to help me out. He is well off but watches his money closely.

Answer 1

Wow! Sounds to me like borderline emotional abuse.

I think that first and foremost, you should pose the same question to yourself- Knowing what you know now, would you marry HIM all over again? If your honest answer is yes, then I would recommend counseling for, at the very least, your obvious self-esteem issues, as well as couples counseling for the both of you. (if he'll even go).

If your answer is no, well then congratulations, that's a good first step to begin to allow yourself to find out exactly what is going to make you happy, and then make it happen.

Good luck to you. I wish you well.

Answer 2

You have every right to be hurt by this! He may feel that he has missed out on a lot and he's being held back by your health problems, but that is no reason to be mean to you. You married, for better or worse, in health and sickness. From what you have said, you have a healthy outlook on life and you are trying to get out and be social. You are in need of marital counseling or at least a long heart-to-heart with your husband. Do not stay in a marriage where you feel unloved and don't let it get to the point where he emotionally abuses you. Good luck!

Answer 3

To me, it sounds like your marraige is in a decline. When most people get married, they're very happy for their first few years together; but as things go on, the relationship tends to decline.

I'm sorry to point this out to you, but it's the truth.

You're right to be worried about your marriage. After all, it's in the "decline" stage. If you don't do anything about it soon, it descend into the next stage, which is divorce.

If you truly want your marriage to be saved, the best thing you can do is get marriage counseling. In fact, there are some professions that specialize solely in marriage counseling/therapy. Under the circumstances that you described, I honestly think this would be the best solution.

I wish good luck to you and your marriage!

Answer 4

Well you did ask and by doing so you opened the door.

No one can make you feel a certain way you just do, so if you feel unloved why don't you tell him so.

Doesn't sound like your health is the problem since you are socially active, what do you mean for having to help you out? If he divorced you instead of you divorcing him he would have to pay more to you.

Its your choice to stay or to go, but you really sound miserable to me. It doesn't sound like the two of you connect and this is probably what he means by "being alone" you can be together and still feel alone, I understand what he is saying there also has to be a sharing of minds of spirit.

Answer 5

I must have missed something, why did he say that he's left alone most of the time.... where is it that you r going? Men are hard to open up and express their true feelings... i think you should find out why he's feeling so lonely.

As for him not being sympathetic to you health problems... again he may not understand what you are going through... and it sounds like whining to him... again you need to talk to him, find out how he's feeling and let him know how you are feeling.....

Communication is the key!!!

Answer 6

You know what I think you are overreacting, he probably did not mean it seriously. Plus, look at it on the good side, he loves you so much he wants to spend more time together. All men are unsensitive to the crying, and moaning of a woman.

Talk to him and tell him how you feel, I know things can be solved. And you should not be worried about your marriage, worry when he does not want to be with you.

Answer 7

I would be hurt also, that wasn't a nice thing for him to say.

I would however try to not say a word about your health, how you are feeling, or anything, just do that to your girlfriends, or when alone.

See if he changes, try and plan things together that are different, a drive and a picnic, see if h e reponds any differently.

I find it odd he would say he didn't get married to be alone, what did he mean by that?

Answer 8

I usually don't recommend books because I hate it when people recommend them to me, but I honestly wish I could buy "Love & Respect" for every married (and engaged) person I know. So try and hear me out...

It states that a woman's driving need is to feel loved and when she feels loved she feels happy. A man's driving need is to feel respect and when he feels respected he is happy. When a woman feels unloved she acts out disrespectfully to her husband, and when a man feels disrespected he acts out unloving towards his wife and the crazy cycle begins.

If this is setting off any light bulbs for you read on...

"I wrote this book out of desperation that was turned into inspiration. As a pastor, I counseled married couples and could not solve their problems. The major problem I heard from wives was, "He doesn't love me." Wives are made to love, want to love, and expect love. Many husbands fail to deliver. But as I kept studying Scripture and counseling couples, I finally saw the other half of the equation. Husbands weren't saying it much, but they were thinking, "She doesn't respect me." Husbands are made to be respected, want respect, and expect respect. Many wives fail to deliver. The result is that five out of ten marriages land in divorce court (and that includes evangelical Christians).

As I wrestled with the problem, I finally saw a connection: without love from him, she reacts without respect; without respect from her, he reacts without love. Around and around it goes. I call it the Crazy Cycle - marital craziness that has thousands of couples in its grip."

I am not even half-ways through the book and workbook, and while my husband is not studying the material with me it has already worked miracles in my no-longer-failing marriage.

If you do believe in God I highly recommend this biblically based book. It's not a "religious freak" book or anything but it's nice to know that it is based on things in the bible and not just some theory or pop psychology book, and it's been a #1 seller for over 2 years now... it's working for thousands of couples!

Answer 9

Tell him how you feel and ask him for some moral support. He may not be ill, but he should be more concerned about you. I expect you would not treat him like that if he were the person suffering from ill-health.

Answer 10

yes and i would think i would be gone after that comment. that is me though so dont' start packing yes very hurt but you can't dwell on it either most men talk before they think of what they are saying but its horrible to have someone say that. i am not fully sure actually what i would do you know you can tell someone your thoughts but the fact is what would you do eventually it is the part where you don't' know where hes coming from maybe you are going to these places and not being with him leaving hi with someone Else while visiting else where. i am not sure what that is.