Is it wrong for me to overreact when my husband uses cocaine?

Question

It's an on going fight between the two of us, because he "pays the bills and does so much for me" so that he feels like if he decides to use a little bit of cocaine every once in a while its ok because he's "not a crackhead, and he still takes care of his family and does what he has to do for us". I totally disagree, I don't care how much he does for us, it still doesn't make it right for him to do that. He knows I hate it, and he knows that when he does it I feel like he's cheated on me, that's how bad it upsets me. He'll hide it from me thinking I won't find out and when I do, it always goes back to him saying "I don't appreciate anything that he does for me". Because of this, I will go out with friends and I don't even like to be with him on the weekends when he's able to be with me, because I just feel so disrespected by him and I have so much anger towards him because of past times when he has done it. Does anyone have a similar problem? If so, how do you deal with this? Thanks..

Answer 1

for some, drugs can become more important than the people they "love".... because they love the drug more.

keep b|tching about it... because he is dead WRONG! cocaine is extremely addictive, also... so for all you know, he's an addict?

that's my best answer.

Answer 2

Yes you are completely overreacting because a little once in a while isn't that bad really. You're lack of tolerance should be astonishing yet it would be widely sympathised with which is the worst of all. As it's not getting in the way of anything by the sounds of things so it should be left alone and the fact that you make such a fuss which I suspect is due to media hype made about it and other drugs that's caused you to think that way as if you thought about it logically you would see that it really shouldn't be that big a deal. Particularly considering how many allowances would be made for an alcohol user which I'm sure his coke use is much less a common thing than that. And I've got news for you Alcohol is a ******* drug, Alcohol kills more than crack, coke and heroin combined each year.

So lay off the guy seriously unless it did become an addiction or even fairly heavy use without it being an addiction then you're fuss which you are admitting to making about it would be much more valid.

Answer 3

The feeling of being cheated on is very real in this situation. The only difference is, the other woman is a drug. He will argue with you about it, he will resist letting her go, he will fight for her and he will spend good hard earned money to keep her around. He may not be a crackhead, but as the high he gets from occasional cocaine use right now just does not have the same effect, he will use more and more until someone tells him it is much better and cheaper to smoke the crack. By then his desire for the high will be strong enough that he will be willing to try it and see. Now is the time to deal with it head on while he is still lucid and has the ability to see reason. You need to put your foot down and let him know it is you or the coke.

Answer 4

You keep on doing the same thing you always get the same old thing back, I am in a similar situation and boy its been down right hell. Only his mom is also into drugs. Imagine that would ya. I am getting out if it's the last thing I do. I been going this way for a long time. I have been giving myself to the lord and have stop hiding the dirty little secrets , so far I have had a ton of weight on my shoulders and I want it off. I am to the point that I just want to be done and get happy again. Drugs don't cut it . More leads to more. Soon you may find yourself with nothing, or maybe even your husband in jail. I been on both streets. Drugs will take everything you have. I find ultimatums don't work . Threats don't work , Walking out the door works and I am on my way if my husband even looks like he might be doing any drugs. I am as frustrated as you are and feel the cheated on as well . I have been lied too and found the drugs on accident. I will pray for you and good luck.

Answer 5

Well, I don't have a problem like this, but you are right. He is disrespecting you. Among other things.
It doesn't matter which one of you are out making the money. First of all, it shouldn't be looked at as just his money that he lets you use. It's both or your money. I am sure that if you don't work you don't just sit at home watching your soaps all day. (from how you sound in your question) you strike me as a wife that is making a home for herself and husband and kids (?) Anyway, you 2 are in a partnership. Everything SHOULD be 50/50.
Doing cocaine once in a while or everyday, it really doesn't matter. The stuff is illegal and if he ever gets caught by the cops (which I am sure he thinks will NEVER happen) he will go to jail, whether that's the first time he did it in 2 weeks or whatever, they don't care. And then how will he "take care of you and your family"?

You need to sit him down and talk to him, don't verbally attack him, but really talk to him. Tell him once again, how you feel about him doing that, etc.

Let him know that yes you do appreciate everything he does for you, but you would like to know if he appreciates you, and if he has any respect for you. Counseling may help too,

Good luck

Answer 6

I don't think you're over-reacting... but you must see that nagging has NO effect on his behavior at all... It merely makes YOU feel worse than you already do.
I really would suggest that you go to Nar-Anon.. (for families of narcotic addict.) Actually even though Al-anon is for families of alcoholics... their meeting are more readily available and it's the same idea.... these mtgs. are to help YOU cope with an unbearable situation. It doesn't matter how MUCH or Often he uses, If it's causing a problem (like it is in his marriage) then it IS a problem... This is making you insane.. truly.. that's part of the disease... Please take care of yourself.
Who knows, perhaps when he sees you happier.. he may stop to think about his choices.

Answer 7

im soooooo sorry.yes absolutley its wrong.for one thing its very addictive.you need to use your computer and show him some HARD HARD EVIDENCE !!!!! look im in a drug rehab i have over 2years clean and sober.he is not only lying to himself first but to your marriage.why does he not realize that he can have all the enjoyment out of life just with you and children?he is unknowledgeable.its not his fault its the drugs.a lot of our newcommers say just that.im only using on the weekendor i only use a little every 3or 4 months.he is justifying it in his mind.trying to get you cought up in his lie.the lie that his brain is telling him its ok, he deserves it he works hard. well were not defaming his character just his thoughts.we both know any drugs at all is NOT GOOD!!!!look ive got plenty of info if you need it.lets keep praying for him you and your family that GOD intervene. you have to be mature here tell him how you feel.do not let him hold you hostage in your own home.just because he is paying the bills. your life and the life of your children are in danger here.PLEASE PLEASE seek some help.its not bad yet but it will be.no way around it.im sorry but the truth has to be said. ill help any way i can. write iof you need .try cocaine anonomyus then try crystal meth anonomyus.and print out the effects and progression of there usage and the curve and progression .we can still help.but we need to hurry no time to waste,oh ya by the way my wife is a psycholigist grad from UAB YOU HAVE TO TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM BUT THIS REALLY REALLY BOTHERS YOU.SET YOU SOME BOUNDARIES.BE STRONG FOR HIM SO HE CAN COME BACK AND BE THE KIND OF white knight IN SHINNING ARMOUR we know he can and wants to be.he doesnt need no stinking drugs.hes got you the children and GOD on his side.

Answer 8

Sorry to say this, but alcoholics, drug users and abusive people seldom change. Their addiction is a symptom of serious issues they have; and unless THEY accept they have a problem and SEEK help, nothing you do or say will change their attitude or behaviour.

If you cannot live like this, then consider moving on. We should all know that some battles just CAN'T be won.
Good luck!

Answer 9

It is wrong to be with your husband if he is using cocaine! I am the last person to believe in divorce...but you are in a no-win situation. It will only get worse. He is cheating on you with "crystal". Get out while you still have your senses about you and can make wise decisions. Find a good church and pray that he seeks recovery now! There is alot of power in prayer!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 10

don't have the problem, but i'm totally on your side. if my husband decided cocaine was ok every once in a while, we'd be in serious counseling. i can compromise on many issues in our marriage, but drug usage just isn't one of them. thankfully my husband sees this the same way. don't become an enabler. stay on him, get help, get counseling, do whatever it takes. life is too short to be stuck in a situation like that. and let him understand that it's because you love him that you're helping him, otherwise you'd just leave.

Answer 11

Your marriage is in serious trouble. Find out if there are any Narc Anon meetings near you. It is not OK for him to do illegal drugs even if it's only a couple times a month, right now. Would he be willing to try marital counseling? If he will not stop, you may need to leave him. Are you in a financial position to do so? You may need to spend your free time building yourself up into a self-sufficient person. Keep your friendships strong, because you will need them.