I don't know how to forgive, or why I should forgive.?

Question

Why? How? How does forgiveness make sense, how is it necessary, how can i not resent someone when it seems so reasonable and logical. Such as to prevent further injury, I should have resentment in mind, right?

I know I need to forgive but I don't know how.
and don't give me any of that "becasue its good for you" bullshit. just tell me why and how. or rather, explain to me how resentment and retaliation are senseless. please.

Answer 1

This is an excellent question that took me a long, long time to figure out. And you're right - just telling someone that "do it because it's good for you" never made sense to me!

You can forgive without forgetting. You should always protect yourself from further harm - that's just being smart. If you are constantly getting hit in the head from a low hanging door frame, you're eventually going to learn to duck. However, if you start hating that door frame because it hits you in the head everytime you have to go through it - it's not hurting the door frame any - it's just eating you up inside. Don't hold a grudge against the door frame (or the person) learn from the experience(s) and adjust your own behavior to prevent future pain with this experience (or person)

I hope this makes sense and will help in some way.

Answer 2

When most people feel upset to the point where they cant forgive and resent a person, it is because they are just so angry at am. This isnt a good thing for yourself because if your to the point where all you do is resent the person, its going to affect you alot more then them. From my end, I couldnt possibly care less if someone resents me. It also depends on how sever the issue is. Everyone makes mistakes. Where would you be in life if no one has never forgave you for things that you have done? If I knew the actual situation I could probably give you a better response. But from from looking where you say "logical" makes it seem like a disagreement or something. If so, those are the worst things to resent someone over because its about personal opinion.

Answer 3

Well if you are going to carry a burden like that it may increase in weight.So drop any ill feelings ;OK if somebody has hurt you or your feelings take it with a smile and if possible try to do some good for them, in such a manner ,that will make them ashamed for having hurt a person like you. This will make your heart light. In the beginning it may not be easy to practise, but later you will realize the importance of such an attitude.

Answer 4

Forgive as you are forgiven; love as you would have others love you; do unto others as you hope they would do unto you.

Anger, frustration, resentment cause tense muscles, especially in your shoulders and neck. The lower back also will tighten with circumstances in the physical performance of various activities.

Drinking plenty of water will enable a "flushing" of free radicals from these muscle groups, including headaches. Drugs, muscle relaxers will work better with more water to hydrate your system.

Wisdom and knowledge result from "enlightenment" of the experience of being wronged, or learning the "right" way to share, communicate, just respond to the actions of others. We can learn from the advice of others; we can be cynical of any help offered if we are headstrong in determining our path is the only route we will engage.

Forgiveness might be the key for all relationships. "Tough Love" and "Boundaries" are the new buzzwords that prevent us from being "vulnerable" and taken advantage by other headstrong people.

"REVENGE" extends the anxiety for those muscles, and can be seen in a "seared" conscience reducing the sensitivity for what might be called "love" beyond understanding our emotions. Retaliation does not allow for developing the learning process by both parties, for wisdom to create understanding and knowledge. Sort of "short circuits" the process, leaving one expressing immature ideas.

I can find and start forgiveness in my heart with this prayer: " I thank You for forgiving me. I thank You for bringing (this problem person) into my life. I forgive (this ?) because You have forgiven me, and You give me the power to forgive (this ?)."

I discovered this after giving up, trying to do what I was supposed to do within my own strength, not giving the problem (up) (over to the Almighty God).

I give thanks even more for every person that comes into my life, and try to list all of them once per week, even to forgive one of my perceived hurts that these people have no idea that I know them, or consider the occurrence against my ego.

Receiving forgiveness from God presupposes you understand His Being, a purpose for life. Consider reading the First Letter of John in the back of the Bible. At the end of John's life, he tells of his reasoning and the need for God and His Love. Pick out the subject of every 2 or 3 verses, i.e., in the 1st chapter, 2nd verse, two words give the PURPOSE of the entire Bible.

Forgiveness is 1:8, 1:9. Purity is 3:2,3. Love is 4:7,8. Knowing all this, 5:13. So much is in between, and beside.

Answer 5

You say you don't know how to forgive or why you should. It would seem, by your level of anger, that forgiveness is not in your heart at this moment. Resentment and retaliation seems more logical and reasonable to you than does a simple act of forgiveness and letting go of a bad situation. I don't know if the injury you speak of is emotional or physical but you certainly do not have to harbor resentment in order to prevent a further occurance.

You don't wish to hear that forgiveness is good for you when it is just that. Why is forgiveness better than resentment and retaliation? First off you can try and examine the expenditure of negative energy that keeps this unfortunate circumstance alive! In order to hold on to what you do, you are giving this event the power to make you a prisoner. Hatred and retaliation cannot serve anything positive. It festers like an open wound you cannot rid yourself of and it's like a headache that never goes away because you won't allow it to.

Forgiveness of anything or anyone does not mean you must forget the infraction or the hurt. You don't need to put yourself in their company if they don't suit you or have caused you pain. For me, there is nothing good that can come of holding on to resentment or plotting revenge as retaliation for an act of any kind. Forgiveness isn't automatic either. It takes time to forgive, time to understand exactly what has happened and time to allow the pain to dissipate. Perhaps the word forgiveness sends chills up and down your spine at the very thought of it. The least you can do for yourself is to let it go. To that end, here is something I have framed and hanging on my wall so I never forget it. It sometimes helps me to get in touch with the side of me that is good, understanding and healthy. I truly hope it makes some sense to you. Good luck!

Letting Go

To let go doesn’t mean to stop caring;
it means I can’t do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off;
it’s the realization that I cannot control another.
To let go is not to enable
but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness,
which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another;
I can only change myself.
To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to effect their own outcomes.
To let go is not to be protective;
it is to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold or argue,
but to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my own desires,
but to take each day as it comes
and to cherish the moment.
To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone,
but to try to become whatever I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.
To let go is to fear less and love more.

Answer 6

Forgivness is measured in ones heart mind and soul. You can not forgive a wild animal everytime he sees you he bites.How can you forgive this. forgivness is measured by completion. To have onnes heart filled with why.Every circumstance is different.When my Father passed away who am I to blame. Who is guilty?Who has the power to fix this? Sometimes all that I have is the night sky.And the comforting spirit blows in the wind. As we search for the true dream of a better world and what its true intentions are. My phillosophy is keep faith. You're answer will come.

Answer 7

holding on to a resentment is like holding on to a hot coal. It's you that gets burned, not the other guy.
why let it go? because holding on to it is feeding the negative energy it's created in you. don't let that person KEEP ON getting to you...... otherwise, they win. again and again.
and it's you that keeps on suffering, again and again.
there's the why, now the question is how?
my best advice from my own personal experience is "get out of it, get over it, and get on with it" in that order. if it's a bad relationship or a bad boss, get out. Do something (or someone) different and better, forget about the past, it's done. Once you're out of it and focused on better things, that's how you get on with it. There's a corny old saying that goes: "the best revenge is living well" and it's true.

Answer 8

But it really is good for you. If you hold onto your anger you will always be angry. You cannot get over hurt until you let go of it.

My minister, this morning, gave a sermon on prevailing over adversity. [He was born and raised in Blacksburgh,VA and was recently at the dedication of a memorial to the students slain there this Spring]. He talked about the poem, Invictus, by William Ernest Hensley which ends:

I am the master of my fate;
I am the captain of my soul.

He said the important part of this is the that we have to be captains of our own souls in order to be masters of our fate. Things can happen to us that hurt us and we cannot stop it. But we have power over how we react to these things and that determines our fate.

I think this can apply to forgiveness, too. And you cannot begin to recover from hurt inflicted by someone else until you let go of it and forgive them.

Answer 9

People...in truth, are very inconsistent, you need to forgive in order to reasonably expect the same.
It can be justified not to forgive if the transgression was something of a nature which you would not expect to be forgiven for, murder for example.
I would suggest you stop take a deep breath and try and put things into perspective.

Answer 10

Yes, it's always good to forgive. Just don't forget.
My best friend for 22 years really stabbed me in the back. She went as far as to call my parents up and tell them stuff about me, and we are adults in our 30's. All because she was jealous over another friend. Which in turn caused me to cut ties with her forever. I wrote her a letter and told her how I felt about the whole situation. I told her I love her and her kids, that I forgive her for what she done but I can't be friends with her anymore.
The saying goes, burn me once, your fault, burn me twice,my fault.