How do I tell my husband that I've been cheating on him and that I want a divorce?

Question

in answering some of the questions that have come up. No, I'm not still with the other guy. We messed around a couple times, and then it ended. I don't want a divorce cuz of the hope of havin the other relationship--that isn't even there. There are no children. Things have been going downhill real fast for a long time. He doesnt' pay attention to me at all, is over protective to the point he won't let me talk to any of my friends or go out to do anything without putting me on a huge guilt trip. He's opened up bank accounts without me, goes to work at odd hours, and he's pushed me a couple of times. We don't talk anymore, we just kind of live in the same house. I can't remember the last time i said i love you to him. ..... i just can't stand to be by him anymore.

Answer 1

Just be honest. But if he is in any way violent or the situation could turn really bad...have someone nearby...not your other man.

Answer 2

I have a feeling no one will agree with me on this one, but I will go ahead anyway.
Why don't you tell your husband that you don't love him anymore and he deserves to be with someone who can love him. After all, the divorce is the objective.
If you mention the cheating part he will have such animosity towards you that it will be a very difficult and messy divorce.
If there are children involved, he will be sure to tell them you are a no-good witch so that they will be hurt as well. Another question is why do you need answers to tell you how to ask him for a divorce? Are you afraid he will be violent? If so, he will be more violent if you tell him you've been committing adultery. I was surprised on reading the answers after I submitted mine that most people think the same way about not mentioning the affair.

Answer 3

I did it one year ago. It will be extremely difficult, but necessary. Chances are, he already knows the relationship has been in trouble. Things don't get this far with the other person being absolutely clueless about it. First, have a consultation with a divorce attorney and get the paperwork started and figure out where you stand financially, legally. Different states have different laws concerning adultery. Then you sit down with hubby somewhere quiet (no kids around, no tv, etc.) and very calmly tell him the truth. If he's like my husband, he will explode. Let him. As long as he doesn't become physically violent with you, you need to let him get it out of his system. He will most likely yell and call you names. Brace yourself for it beforehand and do not react. Just sit there and let him get it out. Then calmly stand up and walk away. There is literally nothing else you can do. No need for tears, no need to show false remorse. You have made your decision, and you must face the consequences but you can do it with decency and integrity. Good luck to you.

Answer 4

Whatever you do, DO NOT tell him that you've been cheating on him! If you really want the divorce, let him know that you're not happy in the marriage and you think it's best that you have a trial separation. If you are thinking that you want to leave him for this other person the trial separation is the best way to go..... what if things don't work out with this other guy/girl? What if the whole fun of your illicit relationship is the very fact that it's illicit? Maybe after the separation you may actually want to stay with him after all....then again, maybe he won't want you back....maybe you will like being single again....who knows? Please though, do yourself a favor and don't tell him about the affair. It does absolutely no good. It just causes hurt (for him) and guilt (for you). PERIOD. Take it from someone who knows first hand.

Answer 5

Sit down and tell him. Let him know that it's your decision, that this is your fault - because it is - and move out. Be prepared for the backlash. It's called consequences.

But do the honorable thing and start being honest with him. He deserves that much, as do you.

Good luck.

Edit: This is based on your addtional info - call a family member, or someone you trust to be in waiting when you decide to tell him it is over. If he is beginning to be violent, I am not so sure that I would tell him you cheated. Just tell him it is over, and it is better for you to leave. Document all the behavior that you mentioned, as if you don't, you probably won't be allowed to introduce it in court. Take care for your safety, and get out. But be as honest as you can, and take all papers, documents, and financial info that you need when you leave.

Good Luck.

Answer 6

you married your husband because you loved him . Now in the relation is something wrong . Why don't you try to fix this. Every marriage have a difficult period .A divorce is not taking a suitcase for traveling. Think good before you do

Answer 7

maybe leave the cheating part out, and don't let him or anyone know about the other guy until long after the divorce.

otherwise, you will lose A LOT during the divorce. believe me when i say, most judges frown on adultry.

Answer 8

Tell him that you need to talk. You can start with the cheating part - but he will probably initiate the divorce before you can get it out of your mouth.

You have broken your marriage vows, you should tell him now and let both of you have a life that you deserve.

Answer 9

Maybe just tell your husband you want a divorce?
Why hurt the guy more by mentioning the affair?
Did the other guy promise to marry you after
your divorce? If so, don't count on it. Lots
of times guys say whatever is needed to string
women along.

Answer 10

Don't tell your husband that you have been cheating on him. Just tell him that you no longer love him and want a divorce. If you tell him that you are cheating on him he can tell his attorney and get a divorce on the grounds of adultery.