Neighbors moved in last year & we were fast friends. One nite "Pam & Dick" came to celebrate.All had a great time, had several drinks & I said how great it was to have friends who loved & had no issues.They made a liar out of me!Dick left a earlier than Pam & we went to see what he was doing.He went home & drove off.Next morning Pam called early crying.He came home & beat her!She called the law & he was arrested.Other neighbors & I came to her rescue.We spent time wondering why. I asked if he did this B4 she said yes & I asked how often, she replied enough.A restraining order gave her a week.He called her & told her that it was MY fault!He returned early.My husband came home he told me he was over there(I can't see).I didnt call her.I didn't want to start any trouble & thought they might be working things out.arrested again for violating the order - he blamed me!Now she started sneaking over & I worry he'll find out.I cringe every time I see her coming but she needs hugs & kindness!
2007-08-26 05:55:20 · 5 answers · asked by broomhilda 3 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
There was so much I had to leave out (space).She did leave him 4 a few days but came back & when he was under the restraingin order she started crying endlessly that she missed him so. She is clearly not ready or willing she's so blinded by love.He's a coward, afraid she's going to find out she deserves better & sees everyone as a threat.Its nobody's fault but his because he's the one who raised his fists to her & he doesn't know (or believe) how desperately she loves him.I know she has to realize herself the situation is hopeless, she deserves better & needs to move on @ any cost & I know she needs me, but I just cringe every time I see her coming & pray she'll get back before he does. I semi-understand what's she's going through, I went through a smaller scale version of it with my first husband.When they cry & say they're sorry you really want to believe it, but I had kids & they do not.Despite how hard it was I left him anyway.She needs me & I want to B there 4 her but m scared.thx
2007-08-26 07:42:43 · update #1
You truly are an angel. I wish the world was full of people like you. You are in a very very difficult position here. But the fact that your friend is still sneaking over to yours suggests she is really crying out for help. Maybe you could offer her stay with one of your friends or family members, outside of where you live. She could stay away for a while, without her husband knowing (if he asks you where she is, deny that you know anything).
She has to leave him if she ever wants a normal life, but I'm sure with a great friend like you, she'll be ok.
2007-08-26 06:10:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Start keeping something to protect yourself in the house (pepper spray, mace, a taser, stun gun, bat, or even gun). Then you can have at least some level of comfort, know that if he came over, you could defend yourself.
Call the police department and explain the situation to them. Ask if they will increase patrols in your area. (This might not work if you don't live in a small town).
Be prepared to call the police at any time, if a restraining order does not keep him back, then further legal action is required.
Other then that, be there for your friend, she needs you now more then ever.
2007-08-26 06:34:52 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The only one's that truly can solve this delima is Pam and Dick. Friends can get themselves all tied up in knots over. It is a difficult position to deal with. First, and foremost - It is NOT your fault any part of parcel of the event that took place when they went home. An abuser often blames and finds fault with anything or one but themself. Anger management classes didn't come about for no good reason.. These individuals try to control others because they lack "Self control". I would suggest that IF you are serious to want to help these person. Contact your local battered womens group/shelter. Also the police and or Helpline. Get information on the pattern of Abusers, so you can understand fully and recognize the pattern and behaviors of. Also, so clearer she can too. Sometimes a realization of this is "Abusive " behavior is needed, because the victim is in denial too. I had a dear friend who ended up with broken ribs and nose , who blamed herself for, that she brought on the abuse.. False thinking.. NO man has the right for what ever reason to do this to any one,let alone a woman or child!.... I have been a Foster parent too . It is so sad to see how we a so -called educated and civil society act with each other at times.. We tend to react rather than think and act civil. We tend to threaten and fight rather than , have love for one another... love is to understand, care, and be charitable.. Be careful too becoming involved. Sometimes One, or both parties can become so volital and dangerous, it is better to not be in the middle. It sounds like your new friend may need to consider going to a safe house or shelter. This kind of stress too is horrendous on the body. Emotionally and Physically. If you want to help, suggest body massages, they help release tension . Going to a comedy store, or movies where she can laugh, Join a Martial Arts like Tae Kwon Do, to help her learn to find her own inner strengths emotionally and too learn to defend herself .. It's a great confidence booster. Some men don't lay a hand on a woman, they destroy them verbally. this is too abuse. Verbal abuse, and in some ways i feel far greater than physical. Bones, and bruises often mend and go away, but soul murder i call it, goes on a life time often.. Blaming others for personal lack of integrity, self control, and such is a game to the abuser. Don't get caught up in it.. ONE can not be abused who isn't around the abuser.. Take ownership there, no where else.. A victim is by oppurtunity a victim.. Not truly by choice. Even those that stay , don't choose to be victimized. They, are sick and so torn down they don't know anything else,and are conditioned to believe (faulty) they have no other life than available. God bless you for caring .. You are a special person, so many don't care enough to become involved.. I have many times. Even at threat of my own life.. I don't recommend that!.. But, to save a child... and any other less stronger, i personally would again.. Because for me... No one did when i was a child, not even a pastor's wife..
2007-08-26 06:30:04 · answer #3 · answered by miladyfaire 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
YOU NEED TO SET SOME BOUNDARIES. YOU DON'T NEED ALL THAT DRAMA IN YOUR LIFE. DO YOU THINK IT WILL HELP TO BECOME PART OF SOMEBODY ELSE'S PROBLEM? ARE YOU A PROFESSIONAL COUNSELOR, SOCIAL ACTIVIST, OR SUPER-HERO?
ASIDE FROM CALLING THE POLICE IN AN EMERGENCY YOU NEED NOT FEEL OBLIGATED TO HELP AT ALL.
2007-08-31 10:21:31 · answer #4 · answered by GENE 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you said you can't see and then in your details you said you cringe everytime you see her coming so what gives?
Why don't you just stop all communication with these nuts in general, it's their problem not yours.
2007-08-30 10:27:23 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋