what to do about myboyfriend?

Question

When I met my boyfriend 6 years ago, we were both very very thin. We have both gained weight over the years, which is a given since we were 17 when we met. His weight has constantly gone up and down but stays mostly up. I like to eat healthy and exercise. my health is important to me, but my b/f doesn't seem to care about his. he has been at his heaviest the past 1 1/2 years and the other day he ate 6 Mc Donald's hamburgers in one meal. I find his eating habits disgusting. He has no energy and never wants to go out. when I try to get him to eat properly he gets very defensive. Im afarid that he will develop diabetis since it is common in his family. I have become unattracted to him sexually and I get bored sometimes because all he wants to do is be on the computer or watch tv and eat. He has low self esteem and a quick temper. I love him and don't want to leave, but I don't know what to do to help him without hurting his feelings. I have tried everything.

Answer 1

Ouchie, this happens alot in relationships were we based to much on the love we share, and less on using that love to better ones life. Its kind of hard to explain but in the end, relationships were never met to stand on love alone, they need a purpose. Like you, there is a reason why you take care of yourself, a reason that runs deep and has alot to do with why you love him, why you love yourself, combined with your own unqiue perception of this world and the reason were in it. Your boyfriend on the other hand, hasn't figured out quite what his unqiue perception of this world is or (this is the sucky part I'm afraid, oo sorry about that word, it doesn't do the situation justice) he has one and this is the product of it. What that is, and how he feels about is sort of your battle to fight. So to be honest again you havn't tried everything quite yet, you still got the fact that you can pretty much tell him that unconditional love doesn't mean you give your life to him, just means that you well always care for him, no matter what he does. But for the sack of your life, and your purpose in it, you'll have to find someone else to stand next to you, because he apparently can't. I don't mean to be rude, but sometimes you have to, to be that friend, that lover, that guidance a person needs. Besides if he gets you for free with just the love and your love isn't enough to give him strength to get past this, how good is he feeling from you loving him? Like I said love isn't enough, its how we use it that makes a relationship deep, geniune, and meaningful. Sorry this is in a way, just like a relationship were one of the peoples cheat, because he isn't giving as much to the relationship as you are, which is exactly what people do when they cheat, they cheat on the purpose of the relationship and they neglected it our they abuse it. He is, in his own way, doing the samething.... It angers me to have to put it to you that way, but alas that is what he is doing, finding emotional salvation in everything, but you....