Hi, i've been married for about 6 years now and I feel like I'm in prisoned by my wife. I'm a homebody. I don't go anywhere or do anything just the daily routine of work and coming home. But on the weekend I want to explore the city and maybe just get away, I only stay out for about an hour or so,but whenever I do return home my wife gives me the fifth degree "where have you been" in a mean tone. I told her that I really feel like I have no life, I can't go anywhere or do anything by myself unless she knows my whereabouts every second of the day. I noticed that she has changed over the past 6 months since she has started a new job and has gained a lot of lady friends, I wonder if they are feeding her bad info about men in general. Help I feel trapped.
2007-08-26 03:12:57 · 10 answers · asked by superguy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I usually don't recommend books because I hate it when people recommend them to me, but I honestly wish I could buy "Love & Respect" for every married (and engaged) person I know. So try and hear me out...
It states that a woman's driving need is to feel loved and when she feels loved she feels happy. A man's driving need is to feel respect and when he feels respected he is happy. When a woman feels unloved she acts out disrespectfully to her husband, and when a man feels disrespected he acts out unloving towards his wife and the crazy cycle begins.
If this is setting off any light bulbs for you read on...
"I wrote this book out of desperation that was turned into inspiration. As a pastor, I counseled married couples and could not solve their problems. The major problem I heard from wives was, "He doesn't love me." Wives are made to love, want to love, and expect love. Many husbands fail to deliver. But as I kept studying Scripture and counseling couples, I finally saw the other half of the equation. Husbands weren't saying it much, but they were thinking, "She doesn't respect me." Husbands are made to be respected, want respect, and expect respect. Many wives fail to deliver. The result is that five out of ten marriages land in divorce court (and that includes evangelical Christians).
As I wrestled with the problem, I finally saw a connection: without love from him, she reacts without respect; without respect from her, he reacts without love. Around and around it goes. I call it the Crazy Cycle - marital craziness that has thousands of couples in its grip."
I am not even half-ways through the book and workbook, and while my husband is not studying the material with me it has already worked miracles in my no-longer-failing marriage.
If you do believe in God I highly recommend this biblically based book. It's not a "religious freak" book or anything but it's nice to know that it is based on things in the bible and not just some theory or pop psychology book, and it's been a #1 seller for over 2 years now... it's working for thousands of couples!
2007-08-27 04:48:45 · answer #1 · answered by THATgirl 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am a wife and I am a tad bit controlling but I control mtself from being to controlling. Maybe you guys could try having one night/day a week where you can go out without each other and have no second degree when it is done. Also have one night a week you guys go out togethr as a couple and do something fun. The most important thing is that you keep the communication open. Every time you have feelings of being trapped or feelings of resentment and dont discuss them with her you are building a wall between each other. The walls alot easier to build then to tear down. As for the friends if they are causing the problem you need to let her know that is how you feel but do not tell her not to hang out with them anymore(she will resent you). Hope this helps. Good Luck
2007-08-26 10:33:14 · answer #2 · answered by MICHELLE M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your wife is being too controlling. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting a little time for yourself. I would say going out on the weekend for an hour isn't asking too much at all. It is possible that these women that your wife works with are feeding her junk about men in general because they may be miserable in their own personal lives.
2007-08-26 10:21:07 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is a possibility that she feels insecure about her new(ish) job. Does she talk to you about her job, does she feel able to talk to you? Are you making yourself open to conversation? A big question is DO YOU INVITE HER ALONG ON YOUR WEEKEND EXCURSIONS? It is possible she feels left out. She may not want to go with you at all, but it sure is nice to be ASKED! It sounds like there is alot of anger/frustration on her side and is having a hard time letting it out. And YES, ladies do a horrible hacking job on men, sorry to say that, but it is true. You don't say if you have kids, but a nice "date" once in awhile would be a great stress reliever too.
Take it from me, a SINGLE mom of 4 kids, Good luck!
2007-08-26 10:30:19 · answer #4 · answered by Marion W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
divorce her
nothing is making you stay but yourself
if you feel trapped, then you are
either that you lack the courage to do what you want
and now have found out that marriage was not for you
and you are correct that women in pacts can be vindictive
as some where in her groups of friends, is a bitter, divorced women and has taken control of all the ladies and dictate terms and is a man hater
BTW it is common courtesy if you are going out to at least tell you wife that you will be going out, at least tell her the where, invite her, if she refuses on a consistent basis, then i say she's not into you and you are better off divorced
2007-08-26 10:22:50 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
The same happened to me,i wasn't allowed friends and my child to.I couldn't go anywhere.We had been together for 11 years married 8.It got worse i filed for a divorce,and its the best that has ever happened to me and my child.The contorl,they do and love it,because we let them do it,and my problem is that i wish i had not wasted all those years.And to this very day he still trys and anyone he meets he does the same to them.
2007-08-26 12:47:01 · answer #6 · answered by Lisa (butterfly) 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi,just from reading your question, is there any reason for her not to trust you? Maybe talking more may help, maybe her being with new friends, and I'm not saying this is a bad thing, maybe some are single, and maybe they want her to go places with them, and with a new job she is experienceing a different out there. good-luck PortiqueB
2007-08-26 10:27:04 · answer #7 · answered by portiqueb 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i would bet its the job. she obviously doesnt feel secure in her new job yet. that security she gains with you. knowing youll always be there for her. take her with you on the weekends and have a bit of fun. then shes feeding her need for security and your getting your "freedom" if you will.
2007-08-26 10:35:54 · answer #8 · answered by as03149 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You might try taking her with you. Some women do discuss their private lives with others. You might be right about them.
2007-08-26 10:24:42 · answer #9 · answered by AFRET73 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Talk to her and let each other know what each other want.
2007-08-26 10:22:24 · answer #10 · answered by ronnny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋