Am I a sucker?

Question

my wife went out w/a friend the other night and lied 2 me about it. she only came clean when i said i called the friend she was supp 2 have been with, but i didnt really after coming clean she told me that she wanted 2 tell me that she was going to meet up with this guy & have a few drinks but she knew i would argue w/her about it and not approve. they r old barhopping buddies & use 2 pty all the time tg. she says there is nothing 2 it and never was in the past but I've had female friends like this and i know how it wks when u pty all night and then go hm drunk. anyway... she says she didnt tell me bc she didnt want 2 fight and didnt want 2 hurt me. i am very hurt she lied and then there is part of me that feels like she was trying 2 protect me and admires she didnt want my feelings 2 b hurt. Am I a complete idiot and should i lay down an ultamadium or what?

Answer 1

You're her man. Don't let her dictate what's going on without your input. Put your foot down. She's not single anymore. That part of her life is over and she needs to accept that. I think she's playing you for a fool. You better have a firm talk with her. Or else do the same thing and see how she likes it. Don't sit at home twiddling your fingers waiting for her to come home. Go out too if she won't back down. Good luck to you!

Answer 2

Wow, I am very sorry for your pain, this sucks... Well, it could very well be that she it was innocent and simply a very bad judgment call on her part. Or she is having an affair. You will have to have some intense conversations and find out. And the two of you need to set up some guidelines. If she can go out alone with friends of the opposite sex, well then you should as well. She won't like that. Tell her to put herself in your shoes, if it were turned around, how would she feel? Good luck to you. Unfortunately, she and this man are the only ones that know the truth. And it very well could be very bad judgment. I would not call you a sucker, a husband with hurt feelings. And rightly so! If you want to work on your marriage, then forgiveness is in order. However, the two of you need to set up some ground rules of what is acceptable and what is not. Make sure she is aware what is good for one is good for the other, no exceptions. The two of you should be able to discuss anything and everything... No secrets... If it is all innocent then the three of you should have went for drinks.... One is only as sick as their secrets.... God bless****

Answer 3

Yes, sir, you're a complete sucker and your wife plays you as a violin. How's that, that you"admire" her because "she didn't want my feelings 2b hurt " ? and " she was trying 2 protect me " ?. Your wife lied because she wanted to protect herself: going barhopping and who knows what else. She didn't tell you, not because she didn't want to hurt your feelings, or cared about you, but because you had argued with her - like any normal husband - if she had come up with her story, and she had not been able to go with her friend to hang out in bars. That's it. Your "admiration" for her is only your way to deny reality: you're denying that your wife's playing you, that your wife's going out with her friend - surely a lady with bad reputation- to have some fun drinking and very probably fooling with men. You're in denial because it hurts too much to accept the reality.
You're assuming the role of a parent, and your wife the role of a kid: she lies to go out with her friends, and you, the "sucker' dad, approves of her behavior, excuse it, and think that your "grown kid" is only a good brat.
This is a disfunctional relationship, sir: if you don't stop playing " sucker parent ", and your wife doesn't stop playing " little
s l - - daughter ", being the inmature, lying wife she is, I don't see future for your marriage. Give her an ultimatum: or she changes her behavior, respect you as her husband, her marriage vows, or you'll be out of that house, and marriage.
Good luck !

Answer 4

She really shouldn't have lied about where she was going. That is certainly not acceptable. That being said it's possible that this IS just a platonic friend. Most of my friends are guys- I just get along better with guys than I do girls and my husband understands that.

You say that you checked up on her- does she have a history of lying? If that is the case then the 2 of you should get into councelling right away.

Answer 5

I wouldnt jump to conclusions especially since you know about this man being in her past anyway! i believe that she didnt tell you because she didnt want to fight! it makes sense b/c what significant other wouldnt be upset if their spouse went out with a person of the oppisite sex for drinks!!? you would have yelled at her! and u know it! but i am not defending her....she was wrong for lieing! there sshould be honesty in the relationship, no matter what! if there was nothing to it than she should have just told instead of lying...b/c now you have the right to wonder why she lied? was she covering something up? is there more to the story? but if you love your wife and believe that she wouldnt decieve you,,,than let this go, but warn her if she ever lies again you will not be so leniant ,,,tell her you took your vows to be with someone who you trust, love , and respect and she is supposed to return that to you!!! NOT BY LYING!!! Good Luck!

Answer 6

Yes
If she truly loves you and something does not make you feel good and she can fix that and she don't then does she still love you? A person in love would do anything to make the other person feel great.
She's cheating or thinking of cheating. You have to ask her and yourself what you can do to make the relation ship a better place for her. Go to concealing now before its to late. Its the worst pain in the world once she is gone so fix it before it gets to far. A women should not have men Friends and a man should not have women friends once there married there is no need and relating to opposite sex is not like relating to the same sex. You can trust her but never the other guy why would a guy just hang out with a girl just to talk!?! Guys don't just talk they love action girls love to talk but then that is how you get them in bed is it not?
She lied to you that hurt you no matter what, and for what to hang out with a male friend? Get help now! Go to church! canceling all of it your marriage is in danger!!!

Answer 7

I wouldn't say that you're a sucker, you trust your wife. But, don't put too much trust where it is not warranted.

If there was nothing to it, she should have told you about it. Then again, she may have a valid reason. In either case, you need to sit down with her and explain that you do not approve of this behavior because she is YOUR wife. If she continues to see him without your knowledge, it's time for you to make a decision about your next move.

Answer 8

No. you are not a sucker. This happen to me too when my husband went out with his close female friend 3 yr ago. I also have the same feeling as yours. But i also pay him back to his own coins by going out with my close male friends whom he did not approve of, end up he do not do that to me anymore. I'm not asking you to learn from me. Every Individual human being has their own thinking and reactions to situation. you are not a idiot, you are just a normal human being with feelings. this show you loves n care alot for her.

Answer 9

Out drinking with some other fella without telling her husband and then lying about it? Sounds like trouble. To me it's as bad as if they had sex because, really, how do you know they didn't? Your wife, your partner in life, the woman who is supposed to be on your side, has left you to assume the worst, and that's just not fair. What she has done is incredibly disrespectful and you should be pissed.

Answer 10

The fact that you even think this situation is a question says everthing.

You act like you think there is a reason to keep her. What part do you like the disloyal, lieing, the whoring with another man, the drinking with another man, and on and on you go. Fool!