So, my boyfriend and I (I think) are getting engaged sometime this year. He's in training right now for special forces, but I have this feeling that once that first part is over in a couple of months, he may ask me! Yay! But here's where I need some advice. We've been trying to figure out if I would move to wherever he is stationed once my lease is up in June. Problem is, that even once he's done with training and PCS's to a post, he'll still have so much more training or could be deployed right away. So logical thing to do is to wait and see what happens once he gets his orders? But, he won't know that until possibly the beginning of 2009, and if we get engaged within the next few months, I'd like to be married to him by then!
And, he's worried that if I move to NC (where he's training now) after my lease, that I'll REALLY never see him since he's out in the field so much... ok understandable.
2007-08-26 02:42:07 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
So really, just wondering what advice someone in my situation might have. I'm planning on going to grad school, but waiting to see where he'll get stationed so I can live where he is. Thus, is why I don't want to wait too much longer after he figures out his orders and moves himself. So please, if anyone could at least give me some good suggestions, I'd really appreciate it.
2007-08-26 02:46:39 · update #1
If you really love this man, marry him as soon as possible before they send him anywhere. Whether you're married or not looks like the next 2 years will be a challenging one with long distance and absence. As a wife you will get advantages that as a girlfriend you will not.
Being married to a military IS a life of 'waiting'. They are always in the field or gone somewhere.
2007-08-26 02:51:30 · answer #1 · answered by Jane Marple 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are two special forces battalions. One is in Ft Lewis, WA and the other, in NC. The Ft Lewis Bn basically deals with issues that arise in the Asia/Pacifc theater and the east coast one with the middle east. So he'll be assigned to one of the two and from there, he may be sent on long or short term missions.
We were stationed in Ft Lewis. If you're looking to go to grad school up in WA, you have several choices. U of WA in Seattle is about a 1.5-2 hr drive. Within a short driving distance are Pacific Lutheran U and U of Puget Sound. Then there's "Evergreen" in Olympia, which is also a state Uni, though I can't remember whether they have a grad program. I'm not familiar with what's available in NC.
My advice would be to go to the best grad school that you can get in to BEFORE you marry, regardless where that school is. Army life is very unforgiving when it comes to spouses' career aspirations. Basically, they're of no interest to anyone. You become your husband's "dependent" and this is no empty term!!. Your intended could be sent on a one-year hardship tour (unaccompanied) to Korea or Turkey or anywhere else, though most likely to Iraq. What if he does 2 or 3 successive assignments overseas? How many years will you put off going to grad school?
If you are not married, you might as well not exist so far as the Army is concerned, so it's a non-issue. To make a long story short, you should go to the grad school because the likelihood that you'll finish it without enduring a separation, married or unmarried, is slim to none.
One final thought. Imagine yourself 20 years down the road. The Army pension is pitiful as it is and benefits have been cut left and right in the last 15 years. More to come and the cost of living will most likely increase at a faster rate. Your income will be crucial after he retires from the service. So do what you have to do to get through grad school now and establish your own career so that the two of you can have a decent life after the military.
2007-08-26 10:25:38 · answer #2 · answered by scubalady01 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's refreshing to see an intelligent question from a college educated woman who actually appears to have her head on straight. My best wishes to both of you and your future.
Your situation, while very common, is a tough call. The country is currently littered with broken marriages due to military deployments and stresses of being apart. So it is with hope and pleasure that I throw my 2 cents in for your consideration.
a. My first thought is that you should remain where you are close to family and friends until bf is settled and out of training. Granted, that may be a long time or never.
b. Nevertheless, loneliness in Army housing is really true loneliness that many new brides just can't cope with. After a while, you begin to make demands on him that he cannot fulfill due to obligations, and this results in great tension.
c. Better to be lonely amongst YOUR support group at home than amongst strangers.
d. Lastly, I see a much better plan in you establishing yourself in the career of your choice for the time he is gone and in training, sock away some money for your futures, and then take your skills and experience with you when you are finally able to be together.
Just don't be smitten by the vision of IDEAL LIFE with a special forces soldier. He'll be gone long times even after he completes training.
In the whole scheme of life, probably the most intelligent choice is to wait until he gets out of the Army and you can eliminate the uncertainties.
Good Luck to both you and your Patriot bf.
2007-08-26 09:57:49 · answer #3 · answered by snvffy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marry him and move with him. Just keep in mind that military marriages are tough. The easiest day will be the day he retires. Keep your mind focused on a career while he's gone and make him focus on a career outside the military as soon as possible. Make sure he signs up for the GI Bill. The US military is an excellent stepping stone and it opens up alot of doors in the corporate world.
I was in a similar situation 15 years ago. My wife put up with me through 4 years of that. I got out and worked part time during the weekends and went to school full time using my GI bill. I have long since graduated and on an excellent career path. Still married to the same woman but she doesn't work anymore... she doesn't have to. Hope this is something that you can look forward to. BTW, we are only in our mid 30's.
2007-08-26 10:45:22 · answer #4 · answered by darmonx 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Congrats first , But it takes time to get used to a live in the Army and the life of it . Many womwn can not get used to that ,not seeing their guys in a long time . So I would suggest that you get together with other Army Wifes,.GF etc and that will help you dal with things close by . Play it by ear with the move,wait till he get's his orders .When you are in the Army you will be moving plenty of times in your life.
I have been there and sometimes it was hard to give up the new friends you've made. Our last station was Fort Drum ,New York .
Good luck to you
2007-08-26 09:49:00 · answer #5 · answered by silverearth1 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Another sucker... Honey special forces means you will never see him ..If you r luckey total time w/ him is 2 to 3 months a year . {BROKEN UP} Do yourself a favor .Find a man who dedicates his life to you ....not his work... Talk to other wives in this group ... Save yourself a life with your heart in a brown box...........
2007-08-26 09:53:51 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Real Estate is booming and I mean BOOMING in Baghdad.
2007-08-26 09:46:06 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋