Help! I think I made the wrong choice in arranged marriage..?

Question

I had an arranged marriage two months ago to a boy from India. We have signed the marriage papers there and he is in the process of getting his visa to come to be with me.
After marriage we spent a week together to get to know each other before I returned to the country where I reside. We will be having our hindu wedding ceremony when he arrives here.
I have been trying hard for da past 2 mths to contect with my husband mentally but there is no love there at all. I'm only now finding out that he is not educated, cant speak english and we have nothing in common, he does not show any effection towards me at all, He also speaks and treats me like I am his friend not a wife.
I understand that he maybe shy & unexperienced, but so am I & at the least he should be showing some effection toward me and trying to get to know me right?
I need advice on what to do in a relationship like this. Will it work out or shud I get out of it before I get stuck in a miserable marriage?

Answer 1

never believed in arranged marriages but dear you should have those "better knowing each other" meetings before marriage and not after it but now that you've done it just consdier your circumstances, talk to him that he need to change and educate himself,if you didnt get the response you want think of divorce, living alone is better than being in a troublesome relationship.

Answer 2

From what I understand, arranged marriages have nothing to do with love. Oh true, love may evolve, but at the time of the marriage I have a difficult time believing love is present in arranged marriages when two people barely know one another. From what I have observed, arranged marriages are often marriages of convenience. You say you spent a week together after marriage (?) trying to get to know one another. Child, this is what needs to be done before making any kind of commitment. And btw, one week is nowhere near enough time. I am sure this guy was probably picked out by your parents or you were picked by his. I am also assuming when you say you are married, you are referring to the registration process that is required. You have my sympathies as being an Indian girl in today's day and age is simply not an easy thing to be. What I do not understand is do you need to go through both marriage ceremonies before you are truly considered married?
And there is nothing wrong with being inexperienced. But, if you are already his wife and he doesn't want you, I am afraid you may very well have problems.
I wish you well and I am sure your English is much better than the Hindi of that person who left the critical post above.
How much longer before your Hindu wedding?

Answer 3

I am really sorry things worked out that way for you , i know arranged marriages have a way of working out but you should have learnt more about the person before getting married, now you have mentioned that you would be getting married only after he comes over so if you arnt married then i suggest you could look for a better match otherwise see if you could give it a shot talk to him and get him into some sort of evening school, take the initative for sex comeon being a guy and not having have had sex till now put a lot of pressure on the guy so it may be because of which he isnt connecting with you. Best of luck...

Answer 4

Im indian and my parents trying to hook up with an arranged marriage,, arranged marriage is fine if you can find some time to know each other,,, i mean there is this stereotype of women being perfect ``lakshmi`` and men being the perfect husband,,, that thing is long ago,, a lot of indians have liberal lifestyles now and trying to fit in this stereotype`s is only gonna hurt both,,,

If he is treating you as a friend then maybe he is feeling shy like you said,, why dont you open him up ,,,if you got an inexperianced men then even better because you can teach a few things,, a women can open up a man in ways he cannot imagine,, so if you want this marriage to work then maybe you can try opening him up,, if everything else fails then just give up,, no point tryin to be in something you are not happy about,,be yourself and honest about it

Answer 5

i can understand your state of mind and confusion very well becoz i am also in a similar situation. I too married this guy in India (arrange marraige) and i was with him for 37 days after marriage. While being with him, i felt he was uninterested in me and my life. He would rarely talk to me and if i asked him questions he would feel i ask too many questions. When i use to tell him that he seems uninterested, he would turn around and tell me that arrange marraige are like that, where 2 people eventually and gradually get use to it. This guy also had lot of other problems...... I had mentioned about all of that to my family but they felt i was being hasty in my decision.

After i came back to my place (country) i felt very strongly that i am stuck with the wrong person in my life. Everyone felt and still feels that i am not giving a chance to my husband to prove himself but i feel that if things have to work then there are signs of it working, there is chemistry between 2 people and there is some kind of bonding immediately and on the basis of that you build on the relationship. In your case too, i feel there is no connection, bonding, feelings nothing.

forget everyone else around you. Listen to your heart and do what it says. After all, you have to live your life and face all that life has to offer. No on, friends, parents collegues no one will come and live your life for you or go through anything in life as you will. Hence it is very important that you are convinced in what ever that you decide.

I usually put down the pros and cons on paper if i get confused while taking any decision. That, if not anything, atleast gives you some clarity on what will you probably face in either of the situations. Try it and see what you come across.

Take care and think properly and wisely and do what YOU feel is right for you.

All the best !!!!

Answer 6

One can not find out just by spending one week together abt a person. As u r already married so just hav patience n spend some more time with him. Let him come to the place where u r.Understand him n his behavior n then only come to conclusion abt him.
Its very easy to break any relation but tough to survive with it...
I will suggest u to put some effort n know him first.

Answer 7

Most people here would be appalled at an arraigned marriage. But most arraigned marriages do work. It is up to you. This is the twenty-first century and if you are in a western country you will not be held responsible to marry some one you don't want to.

Good Luck!

Answer 8

May be there can be culture difference, if you are not an indian, but your parents may be. If so, tell to your parents, so they can talk to him , orelse talk to him directly what you feel. If he understands well. orelse spend time with him all day, like how to speak and learn things. Tell him how you liked to be. So it is a chance to understand eachother by this way. And you also finally may change yourself for his likings. what is the use of thinking that he don't know, more than trying to slove? and be happy with your life. Life is all in our hands. It is we who has to shape it. you can make him good more than you expected and it's all in your hands. Don't sit and worry that you got stuck in your marriage.

Answer 9

ugh ! that's why there's such thing as (engagement) before getting married but maybe they dont do that in India ?

Well honey u can cut it from the begining and break up, u seem much more educated,smarter and more talkative
or
u can pray that this sentence is right (real love comes after marriage) and he might be shy but when he gets used to u he might become this amazing person who makes u fall in love with him

well all have good and bad things in our personalities .. the idea is can u live with his personlaity with its good and bad?

GooD LucK ^_^

Answer 10

Dear Unhappy,
I hope you understand that you're asking this question to people who have FREEDOM of choices in every aspect of their life. All of us married the man or woman of our dream and still at times it's hard to keep the boat afloat. You get an arranged marriage if you really really believe in it with all your heart and both of you will be devoted to make it work. I don't think the man you've been asked to marry agrees to marry you and you're both getting yourself into something you both don't want.....