Do you think its okay for a husband to go out with another woman and gamble at a casino?

Question

Thats all he's talked about for the last few days is gambling. I know last year he went out a couple of times with another female, to gamble at a popular casino. I was not there, but heard about this from my kids and other people. He feels its okay now, to have "friends" from the opposite sex to go to different activites other than going there with me. I would never do this to him, or consider it either. What's going on here? Am I reading to much into it? She's a gambler and I'm not. We do not need nor can afford to gamble hundreds away right now. If we could, I'd love to join him once in awhile.
What should I do?
We've been married for 27 years.

This other woman, is not prettier or younger than I am. We're the same age. She's overweight, plain,not lady like either. Sometimes she acts like a man. Don't mean to sound superficial, but I'm the definitely opposite of her "qualities."

I do keep myself up. I workout and stay in shape, which the other woman does not do at all. She's a bartender. Widowed also. Has brought dinners over to him at our business, in front of me. Just makes me feel better hearing from you and venting this out.

Answer 1

H_ll no he can’t go!

As far as any woman is concerned HE IS HAVING AN AFFAIR. It is the relationship that matters to a woman, not the sex. If he is having activities that he likes so much with another woman then for all intents and purposes he is having an affair. He may not think or feel like he is, but to any female he is having an affair.

Eventually, this could turn into an affair, and I don’t care if the woman is as pretty as a cow and of the same weight. If he is doing an activity that he loves with her then he is going to be more attracted to her and that is where an affair starts.

Males have sex on their mind at least 60% of the time. EVERY SINGLE MALE considers sex with ANY woman he is with. It may only be or 1/10th of a second and he may be faithful, so far, but all that temptation adds up. If you are not around to reinforce your relationship then that temptation can grow until finally he does it. Sure he can have females as only friends, but you had better be there or they will turn into more than just friends. It isn’t all his fault either the marriage ring is a statement and advertisement to some women. They will deny it if asked, but when they see a ring they see a SUCCESSFULLY MARRIED man, and that means he could be a better catch than other men. Even though to catch him they will have to destroy an important relationship and probably what makes the man desirable in the first place the instinct to prey is always there.

If he is middle aged, half-way attractive and has enough money to gamble then that makes him a more attractive package and there are women running around looking for a sugar daddy. They may only hang off of him and use him, but they will still try to take advantage of him. Imagine if a guy 15-20 years younger than you and built like a rock suddenly started to take interest in you! That would be far less of a temptation for a woman than a man, far less!

WHY THE HECK AREN’T YOU GOING? It is important for couples to do things together and even if you don’t like to gamble he does and if you don’t show at least some interest in his interests then you are going to grow away from each other. If you don’t like to gamble then find something else to do, or learn to like gambling a little. I don’t mean the slot machines, those are just mechanical pocket pickers who rob the patrons blind and are the single most money making part of any casino. If all his is going for are the slot machines then buy him one for use at home. When he wins you and he can go out on a special date.

What he probably wants to do though is to visit the tables; poker, craps, blackjack etc. I know that watching poker can be as fun as watching paint dry, unless you are a fan, but you had better learn how. The fact that you don’t have a lot of money only makes the need greater. A.) This is a vacation and he is having a lot of fun, if you don’t share that then your marriage is going to take a hit. B.) You can’t afford to let him lose at tables with an ATM down the hall. I don’t want to make any judgment on how good or how addicted of a gambler he is, the casinos will make sure he is a an addicted gambler, that’s why drinks are free for gamblers. The casinos do all they can to make sure that gamblers stay at the tables, including pumping in more oxygen to the casino floor.

The house always gets a percentage and the statistics say the longer you gamble the more of a percentage the house gets. Yes, there are big winners, sometimes huge winners; but there are a lot more small losers and big losers who you don’t hear about. Just look at a casino, look at how much money it cost to build, staff, and run the building. Do you think they do this because they DON’T make a profit? Casinos make a huge profit, just like the lottery. They make sure that enough money is given out for the suckers to keep attracting them, but over all they make a huge profit and for that to work there have to be a whole lot of losers; more than any other business because the casinos are spending so much money to get those losers in.

If he is going to Atlantic City then the only mission there is to lose money, the same is true if he is going to Louisiana. If he is going to Las Vegas then you are in luck, Las Vegas is a family town. There are a lot of activates that you can do there that don’t require gambling. If you are with him then you can lure he away from the tables now and then to do something with you. If nothing else he has to eat; and you can take in a show. Las Vegas shows are only winners because they charge so much, but they are big risks for the casinos because they take people away from the tables and the slot machines. Las Vegas uses this to make their city a family destination. The other gambling locations are not so interested in that. Still there are things you can do. You can go to the beach, tour the city, and lounge by the pool. There are other activates that YOU can do that don’t involve gambling. Then when he comes to bed that night after an exciting night he isn’t alone, you are there. That will help reinforce your relationship, and even if you don’t have sex it will be a big boost and reminder that you are an important thing in his life. If he is a winner or felt he had a good night then he will probably still be on a high and want to use that in sex; it can give the both of you some great sex.

1. He is having an affair with the other woman in the eyes of any other woman because the relationship is the important part, not the sex. I don’t care what she or you look like, she is there and she is sharing that joy and that relationship with him while you are not.
2. A gambler, especially a successful, gambler is a target and there are some young women who don’t want to work are looking for a “sugar daddy” to take advantage of. He is a mark to them just like he is mark to the casino (“Mark” is a old carnival worker turn for the suckers in the crowd; they are looking for marks to take advantage of).
3. This is his vacation and it is creating a lot of joy for him, and since you are not sharing it that will hurt your relationship.
4. You don’t have to gamble with him, but making an attempt will go a long way, there are other things that you can do to keep from being bored. You can just bring a good book and read, if nothing else.
5. He needs a cool head to monitor his gambling. When my father went to Las Vegas he went there to have fun and he put aside an amount of money that he was going to lose and that set his limit. He would play until it was gone and then leave the tables. He wasn’t a compulsive gambler and had a lot of control; control that the casinos are doing there best to weaken.
6. He is going to come back to his empty room each night missing you. If you are not there then there is a chance to stray, if you are not there then he is going to miss you. If you are not there then there is no one to console him when he loses or share his joy when he wins; those are events that strengthen relationships.

If you care about your marriage, and your husband then you should be the one going to gamble with him, even if you are not a gamble, even if you hate gambling. Yes, it is nice to have a break from each other occasionally, but not when he is going to the concentrated environment of a casino. Besides you can leave him gambling and take a break from each other by doing something else. You could also get him to do some of those things with you. Each night the two of you will be together, even if you never see each other in the day, even if you never even eat with each other. At night you can be there if for no other reason then to give him a kiss and wish each other a good night.

Answer 2

He's addicted to the high of gambling and misery loves company and she's an addict to. They probably have no more interest to be together intimately than the man in the moon....because gambling is the only thing that bonds them into knowing each other and encouraging each other for the win!! When you are addicted to gambling it's about beating the machines that is what is most important I believe and not this other woman. Trust me she is probably only his gambling buddy and the only thing they are interested in is gambling together! Honestly I got caught up on gambling on a casino boat for some years due to my husband being a work alcoholic. After awhile I noticed the same people there all the time just like me. I befriended many people and hung out with them there and if one of them needed a ride to go gambling I would have offered to help them get there to get that fix!! I would work all week at my job for nothing just to hand it over to the boat and one day I got tired of giving all my money away and signed myself off of them! I enjoyed doing this more than anything and now I only go a couple times a year with my husband out of town and only spend a certain amount of money! I went to counseling over this and although I should never go I still do only occasionally. I would sit him down and talk with him about your feelings and if he is out of controll ask him to get therapy or do as my husband and I do and save a little money and go out of town once a year together or two.

Answer 3

If your kids and other people are telling you about his gambling activities with another woman, then you're not reading enough into this. The only reason he is doing this is because he got away with it once and for some reason you didn't put a stop to it. Since he's such a gambler, you should ask him what are the odds of you staying with him if he doesn't cut it out!
What ever you do though, make sure you he doesn't have access to your monetary funds.

Answer 4

What? he thinks you're not hot anymore and he wants silicone filled breasted women to gamble with ?

U gotta show him how confident and hot u can be !! go to a gym, get a makeover, learn new makeup tips, change ur hair color and style and buy new clothes that look good on u and suit ur age and pamper urself until u reach a level that he wouldn't even recognize u .. let him know what a great woman he has and doesnt know about
if he's so careless about the money and spending on gambling and maybe losing some of it then u should be spending ur money on urself and get a good makeover

dont fight .. dont get a divorce .. dont reach these childish solutions .. just let him know how precious u r .. and u r not doing this for other men .. u r doing this for urself THEN for ur man

if u dont care about urself .. men wouldnt care about u

GooD LucK ^__^

Answer 5

Your last name would be Clinton would it? Sorry, I couldn't hold that back. I think you should speak up and tell him that this makes you uncomfortable and make sure he is gambling responsibly. He needs to know where to draw the line when gambling. And you need to know where to draw the line when it comes to your husband going out with another woman, even if it is gambling. Not to make things worse, but doesn't most gambling go on in the lobby of Hotels!? This will make any temptation much easier for him to act on or her to act on. If you saying something to him about this doesn't help then keep your eyes and ears open for anything out of the ordinary. Or you can take his lead and go out with another man, and say I was just going to a movie with him that's all. I would talk to him first about it. Good luck.

Answer 6

take over the finances of the family
decide how much money could be flushed down the toilet and not hurt the family and give that amount to him for gambling.
If he is a true gambling addict there is probably nothing going on between him and the other female. If he has a number of female friends that he spends time doing things with, there is a problem...a big one..this may be the time for marriage counseling

Answer 7

First get him to quit gambling, and second based on what you have to say it may be that you are prettier , and better in every way but when you marry a guy its not always physical but also emotional, so it could be that he has found this other woman as a person whom he can be free with and to whom he could bare his soul that could also explain his love for gambling where he finds the prospect of risking his world for a moment of excitement . Talk to your husband , get out on a holiday enjoy yourself get closer to him emotionally . I have personally found getting rid of the TV , and having dinners together as the best way to get closer to someone as you have more time and the other person is more focussed. May you have all the luck in the world...

Answer 8

I think you have a big problem here. I would guess that she is younger, thinner, prettier than you. It sounds to me like the next thing you may hear is that he wants a separation. I would guess the kids are grown and he is in a mid-life crisis. He is worried about getting older and trying to reclaim his youth. Go talk to a divorce lawyer and find out your rights before he gambles away all the assets of the marriage. Be strong.

Answer 9

You need to tell him exactly what you wrote. It is a good point that you can't afford to gamble right now. And also bring up the question to him if it would be ok if you went out and did fun stuff with men other than him?

Answer 10

In my opinion he is only a step away from cheating on you, if he hasn't already done so. He is getting close with other people that share his same interests, that is a recipe for disaster. Plus, if your family can't afford to spend money on gambling, why do you allow it? He is acting as if he is single!
I think you should sit down and have a serious talk with him.