please excuse my spelling.....Close your eyes for a moment to ponder,Silently wait for the dreams of the mind to wander,Shadows within released from restraint,Slumber came calling whispers hushed and feint,Drifting away from normalitys foes,To my world of safety where no one goes,Peaceful thoughts visit on daytimes decsend,A few moments alone serenity to mend,Dreams breezes calm storm clouds that gather in day,Whilst bathing in the waters of nights tranquil bay.
2007-08-25 23:53:50 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
that is great, write some more and e mail me!
it is really relaxing!
2007-08-26 00:02:46 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay...if this is a poem, let's start with some linebreaks so it doesn't sound like it is being read by an auctioneer.
Close your eyes for a moment to ponder
Silently wait for the dreams of the mind to wander
Shadows within released from restraint
Slumber came calling, whispers hushed and feint
Drifting away from normality's foes
To my world of safety, where no one goes
Peaceful thoughts visit, on daytimes decsend
A few moments alone, serenity to mend
Dream's breezes calm storm clouds that gather in day
Whilst bathing in the waters of night's tranquil bay.
Some good images, but all together a little disjointed and obscure. Remember, poetry is about communication, not just about sounds that rhyme.
keep writing
2007-08-26 20:27:57 · answer #2 · answered by Kevin S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is really good, in that it captures the calming, soothing few moments you have to yourself at the end of a hectic day. It moves well, taking the reader inwards to that "special place" where the noise and demands of the world cannot reach. Just a thought: if you try for ten syllables in every line without destroying the flow, the technical perfection would add to the poem's appeal. Keep up the good work.
2016-05-18 01:19:02 · answer #3 · answered by chelsey 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well let me say, great expression of a feeling! This poem shows a lot of talent with words, reading it I can completely empathise with the feeling.
Have a star for your wonderful poem.
2007-08-26 05:30:48 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow it's good. Really good. I don't think that you ar not a poet. You are great and I really enjoyed your short poem. I should say that your poem is short but creative.
2007-08-26 05:18:35 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very good. Felt myself drifting away, but...
IMHO
too many metaphors on too few lines, that means I have to concentrate too much..
2007-08-26 05:40:44 · answer #6 · answered by cynic 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well,u ARE a poet .That was great n and kind of poetry i do prefer reading n writing n it's always good to see one.
I like it,honestly !
2007-08-26 01:27:53 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you used the Spellchecker there would be no need to apologise in advance.
2007-08-27 09:38:45 · answer #8 · answered by kpfellow 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
is this an insomnia cure?,
seriously it should be, sung along with a little gentle music it would be a winner!
2007-08-26 00:47:01 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i feel sssoooooo relaxed,do you have a sexy voice to go with your great poem
2007-08-26 06:01:51 · answer #10 · answered by blueendred 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋