Hes very secretive. he doesnt open up to me about anything he its been 6 years and hes never opened up about his past and then things he did open up about were lies. They were petty lies tho. Pointless. Like hed tell me stories that werent true. Why do u think he does this? He doesnt go into depth about his feelings to me. Hed only say i love you (which is plenty for me) but hes not the type to say anything that has much emotion.
2007-08-25 20:18:34 · 11 answers · asked by Baby Jack born 4/5/09 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My man is like this in a way. He is not very affectionate, he does not like to talk about him and he feels that since he is the man that he has to be strong and fix things (not that he should ever need anything fixed). Luckily, I am in good with his mom, and we were friends long before any kind of relationship started, so I knew who he was and what adversity he had come up against. Your husband probably loves you more than you know (and more than he will tell), but he is either ashamed, embarrased or just the kind that likes to keep it all in. Regardless, you can get them to open up, start relating childhood memories of yours (good or bad) and just cuddle or be close and things should slowly come out, once they are out you can pry a little further and get more info. I know my hubby was a druggie and very bad child. he also was abandoned by his father after he has turned him on to meth at age 12! I know where his anger and resentment stems from and also his embarrasment. However, the lying would bother me, unless he is is really just making up thngs to sound interesting, or have something to talk about. Really try to have a heart to heart, maybe get a few drinks poured and rub his feet and start talking about you, ask him things like.. "did anything like that happen to you?" Or just come out with it and tell him that you really needto know who he is and where he came from before you can go further with the relationship. 6 years is a long time but being lied to is not cool. I wish you the best, and if all else fails, get in good with his family so that you can catch some "insider" info, hehe.
2007-08-25 20:44:52 · answer #1 · answered by shannanm2783 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people remain that way. They often come from homes where the father sometimes was aloof or cruel. The children then are not encouraged to feel or express emotion. Don't ask him anymore, because it's silly for him to lie about little things. Maybe through the years he can see what real people act like. Mostly he can only go by the example he knows from childhood.
2007-08-26 03:26:54 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Accept the fact that he is that way but don't lose hope because he can change. There is a reason when people don't open up with their feelings. It's also about their past and what experiences they've been through. People that tell lies are covering something up. You could consult a marriage counselor and find ways to help your husband be free from insecurities.
2007-08-26 03:43:02 · answer #3 · answered by movinon 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My husband is the exact same way (except the made up story) chances are he had a very hard childhood and is emberassed about it or talking about it brings back all the bad feelings. He doesnt use much emotion because he is scared of it. Don't push the issue it is apperently a very sore subject for him. Try communicating your concerns with his parents and let them give you some info.
2007-08-26 08:54:33 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds deep rooted. It also sounds like he has been hurt in his past and has no emotion. His family must not be the fuzzy cuddly type and express emotions. Too late in finding out about his past or him being secretive. The only thing you can do is tell him exactly how you feel, if you want him to open up to you more and ask to see a therapist together to get him to talk. That is, if this is really bothering you. Otherwise, if not, chalk it up to him being who he is.
2007-08-26 03:42:47 · answer #5 · answered by Weasel Girl 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would think that you would have tried to get to know your husband more before marrying him. The whole idea of not knowing something about his past, should scare you. Does he have family around you can talk to? Why does he lie to you about his past? How did you find out his stories were lies? You had to talk to someone who knew something about his past to get this information. So talk to them. Try to find out as much as you possibly can. He could have a dangerous past he's hiding from you. I would be very concerned little lady.
2007-08-26 03:28:27 · answer #6 · answered by Mamapie2u 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's doing the right thing. If you knew you'd probably be bored. So by keeping this mystery, he has you guessing that he has something to hide. Deep inside, you like to think about his James Bond past because he hasn't done anything since you were together that indicates he is a bad partner.
2007-08-26 03:54:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Unless he's a pathological liar, either he is so ashamed of his past and doesn't want to risk looking like anything less than your superman, or you are super judgemental about things and therefore he doesn't feel like he can tell you anything that would make you upset or unhappy.
2007-08-26 03:24:47 · answer #8 · answered by Phatpinkie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hes being very unfair to you!...When he said his vows he promised he wouldnt do this.
It may have something to do with his upbringing....deep seeded abuse...hiw family may not have been very close..they hid there emotions as well!
2007-08-26 03:31:52 · answer #9 · answered by jlp165 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
and yet you married him?? hmmm...lies are still lies, no matter how "petty" you think it is. if my husband wasn't completely honest with me, I'd never have married him. and i mean EVERYTHING (# of partners, etc).
2007-08-26 03:22:59 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋