Can't figure out where I'm going wrong....?

Question

I'm a tall attractive gal with a postgraduate degree, reasonably good job and a wide range of interests. Make friends easily. I'm told that I'm friendly, warm, easy to get along with & a good catch.

I've had 2 relationships which have gone terribly wrong. Now my marriage has barely lasted a year.

Doesn't help to see my friends & cousins happily settled with young kids - something I've always wanted.

It's really taking a toll on my self-esteem. What can I do to improve this aspect of my life? (besides seeing a counsellor)

Answer 1

What are you using as standards to pick a guy?

The classic definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results.

Beauty is only skin deep, ugly goes clear to the bone. Who he is inside is far more important than what he looks like, (that's just bonus). (the fact you had 2 disastrous relationships and a failed marriage lead me to this conclusion, if I'm off base, I apologize)

Are you getting input from friends, parents, family on the people you date? People that know you well sometimes have perspective that we lack, and can point out positive and negative traits that we may initially miss


Sorry for your pain


Luck

Answer 2

You sound like a great catch, first off where are you finding these men? I hope not in a bar. Believe it or not there are a lot of people that are looking for there true love and on line, I know don't laugh but you can find great people on line that are also have degree's that are also trying to find a great person like yourself. Take a look at your self in the mirror and say that I'm attractive and I'm hot and I will find the man of my dreams I know he is out there, he just is not looking for me in the right places so I will help him find me, see sometimes men need to be helped along. Good luck.

Answer 3

I honestly think that you don't need any counselor. You may be just pushing yourself too hard. I suggest that you let things be...don't put anymore pressure on yourself.

You really do sound to be a great catch and a nice lady so don't worry too much. I also think that you have to focus first on yourself this time before entering a new relationship. Also, look back and analyze your past relationships... somewhere, somehow, you will find something to help you realize how to help yourself this time.

I don't want to get spiritual here but often times, you just got to have faith and leave it all to God. Most of the time, Love do come when you least expect it.

Answer 4

You sound like a nice person. Don't let life get you down just because of a few lousy relationships. Maybe you need to rethink the type of man you're attracting. Did these guys have something in common? If so, then you know what NOT to look for in your partner. But while you're doing that don't forget to concentrate on you - keep building your life, studies, career, friends etc....focus on you.

Answer 5

Date your next fella for a long, long time. When you first meet some one you are only meeting their representitive. It takes quite a while for the real person to show up. Ask a lot of questions, listen to the answers. Find out his values, what his interests are and what his plans for the future are. Tell him yours, see if there is a possible match. Watch how he treats people in general, what are his beliefs, you need to know as much as possible before you commit yourself to him. Don't have sex with him until your wedding night.

Answer 6

Why ...the "without seeing a counselor?" Crammus girl you ain't been having a whole lot of success doin' it all by yourself. You have a freaking masters degree and you come to Yahoo Answers instead of seeing a relationship professional ... go figure.




Reconsider.

Answer 7

Very hard question to answer if a person does not know you more. You may make friends easily but do you push them away that easily too? Maybe sending them the wrong vibes and the hubby too. Got more info for us?

Answer 8

it sounds like you're trying to hard. just let things come to you. and realize that marriage is a lot of work. any real relationship is. don't ever give up cause it's when you hit about the 5 year mark that things start to fall into place. hang in there. good luck.

Answer 9

Have you ever thought that its not you, its the men you are with? Many successful, intelligent and good looking women, will settle for something less because even with all their success and itelligence and yes, good looks, they dont feel it. When men get involved with good looking, successful and intelligent women, unless they are very secure within themselves, they can sometimes feel you are a threat to them. I am with a man at the moment who thinks I could get anyone I wanted.......he has asked me on several occasions what I see in him. I find that is a bit of an insult because I love everything about him and you know what? I am afraid if we get married his insecurities will create a lack of trust and its the lack of trust that will kill our relationship. I would no sooner cheat on him than fly, but if he feels threatened by me, then the relationship will not work in the long run. I need to be trusted and sometimes a woman's good looks, intelligence and success can be a setback. I was told ages ago by a good friend of mine that I need to set my sights a lot higher and that I need to have more faith in myself. Maybe thats what you need to do too. Take care.

Answer 10

You can join every club and organization possible.. Cooking classes, language classes, sports training, you name it.. You can travel the globe at every chance possible and make as many friends as you possibly can. IT'S ALL IN THE NUMBERS.. the more people you meet the more chances you'll have and you'll be more well rounded in the end.