My wife and I are married 12yrs. We have 2 beautiful children, ages 3 & 7, but it drives me crazy that my wife won't sit down and talk about our "sex life" and what we can do to improve it. She says its non important and that's all I think about. I've tried to get her to go to counceling with me. I've tried (when the kids are in bed) getting her to watch Talk Sex with Sue Johanson on Sunday nights. We have friends (other couples) that talk about sex when together and even when we all get together. Every time the subject comes up, my wife says, "ok, lets' not discuss this right now.
2007-08-25 18:02:06 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First of all, I have to say that you are a great man and husband. You rather ask people about this issue instead of looking for sex outside of your marriage. You know, every person is different. Some can't go without sex for a day and some can go without sex forever. You happened to meet a woman who doesnt need sex in her life. Getting more closer to her or less closer will not solve the problem. If she can't fulfill you, then you should find ways to make yourself happy not only physically but also emotionally. Tell her how you feel instead of asking her what is wrong or why she doesnt want sex. Tell her what exactly you need and guide her to meet your need. I hope this helps. Wish you the best.
2016-04-01 23:50:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not everyone is comfortable just sitting down and talking about it. When you're in bed together, try something a little different. If you usually go straight in for sex, try kissing her all over like when you were a teenager. Do everything except having sex - cuddle kiss, caress. Make her feel special. Guide her hands to places on yourself you want her to touch. I think when you've been married for 12 years (I have too) it's easy to get into a routine and just go through the motions. Try to shake it up a bit and maybe the frank discussion can come later.
Also, while it is a worry she doesn't think about it at all - it's a worry when you say it's all you think about. Do you make her feel appreciated? Do you talk about things she's interested in, do you all go out together as a family, to a restaurant maybe? Sex is important, but it shouldn't rule your life. Good luck!
2007-08-25 18:11:34 · answer #2 · answered by Janey 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
So don't talk about sex. Start out asking her questions while you touch her- do you like this or does this feel good- and watch for her physical reaction. Just a few questions at first, and if she seems uninterested try a different touch in a different place. Different pressure of touch, different rhythm, try whispering the questions in her ear, make sure she's had a few drinks before you start as they lower inhibitions(if she drinks).
You can research different activities on google and maybe try the ones that you think she would tolerate. Write her a sexy letter telling her what you want to do for and to her and ask her to write back. Do not discuss the letters when with her! It can be an alter outlet.
2007-08-25 19:45:43 · answer #3 · answered by dizzkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not important. Why do people say the sex life isnt important? Of course it is! I mean you both have been married for a while and im sure this has been a problem before. I dont know maybe i just like sex too much. But in all seriousness a husband and wife should be able to talk about ANYTHING.
2007-08-25 18:16:19 · answer #4 · answered by Flying Spagetti Monster 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are disrespecting your wife by discussing sex with other couples when you know she is uncomfortable with that. You did not marry a wild outgoing sex talking woman. She does not care about watching Sue. What you need to do is stop talking about it. Give more massages, shower together after kids are in bed. Maybe she is tired of hearing about it. Get the book Proper care and feeding of marriage. Both of you read it.
2007-08-25 18:18:25 · answer #5 · answered by Cinnamon 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, since you have children, she's obviously not shy about doing it. Some people are comfortable talking about sex, others are a little more reserved, she sounds like one of them. I was raised in a strict, catholic home and sex was an evil thing. (I'm one of 7 kids so how evil can it really be? :D)
Anyway, try relaxing in bed with the lights off and start the conversation from there, maybe with the lights off, she might feel more comfortable talking. Holding her hand might help too.
2007-08-25 18:15:16 · answer #6 · answered by Yankee Micmac 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She's obviously avoiding the subject & you'll probably find her reaction to the subject is out of her control. This could be a delicate situation for you cos you may find she was sexually abused as a child or has had some kind of bad experience concerning sex??? It would be good if you could somehow get her to open up about her childhood. Counselling would be ideal. Maybe she confides in a close friend or family member that you may be able to talk to?
Good Luck~~~
2007-08-25 18:20:12 · answer #7 · answered by Mez 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she's afraid of getting pregnant again. Have you come right out and asked her why she doesn't want to talk about it? Tell her that you respect her space but this is really bothering you. Say that sex isn't all you think about but being with her is. I don't know how she can be offended that you want to be intimate her. She should be flattered that you still ask her after so many times she ignores you. At least you haven't given up hope and strayed somewhere else. Just ask her straight up what's really going on. I think you deserve an answer.
2007-08-25 18:14:07 · answer #8 · answered by Michelle M 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
does she still want to have sex with you after 12yrs of marriage? have she complain about having sex with you? Is she willing to do what you like when having sex? Its clearly to see that she is uncomfortable about talking about sex. don't push her into talking about sex. It will turn her completely off and your sex life will slow down, way down. Why don't you allow her to initiate sex next time. When she does let her be in control and learn.
Also, sound like you want a report on your performance.
2007-08-25 18:33:32 · answer #9 · answered by Thomas 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she was sexaully abused or assaulted in her past and still hasn't gotten over it.
Maybe she just doesn't feel sexual anymore...which could be the result of some underlying problem.
The more you pressure her to talk about it...the more she won't want to. Try to ask her why the subject makes her feel uncomfortable. Tell her it's a matter of communicating...not just talking about sex.
2007-08-25 18:09:12 · answer #10 · answered by Sunshine Queen 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋