me and my husband always arguing about money and monitor always how i spend it?

Question

my husband was a bread winner and we always arguing about money he always monitor our monthly expenses and he kept on asking me, although inspite of the fact that i made monthly budget and inform him always but still not convinced ,the fact that we have 4 children that are studying... i want to save but its not as big as what he expect. Is it normal to monitor?? i told him that just trust me since im doing my part well and all expenses are reasonable... I want him to trust me and believe me ...what am i going to do since our relationship are already affected ...??? right now i dont want to talk to him anymore as if that my feelings towards him was changed its because of our problem and we kept always on quarelling on that matter..Pls give me advice

Answer 1

Tell him that it does bother you that he keeps checking up on you. Let him know that you don't mind pointing out things that you probably didn't really need but only to an extent. It's ok to manage money in order to save for the future but you should have some freedom. Just because he makes all of the money doesn't mean that he has all of the rights to it. You raise your 4 kids and probably do all of the chores too. That in itself is a huge responsibility. You deserve to spend the money that your family makes just as much as he does. Let him know that you don't want to fight about it anymore and that you want to work it out. I wish you lots of luck!

Answer 2

hmmmm, something don't add up here if you do the math. you have 4 children and you're a stay at home mom, right?
You know how much you spend each month for the household, right. Also, what your husband monthly net income (after taxes), right. How much money is your husband is spending? Take all of those figures and do the math. If you're coming up short and your children are old enough to be in school full time. Its time for you to get a job (part time or full time) to help out the household. There shouldn't be any fighting over finance if you're manage it to your best of your abilities. With 4 kids you will go through money. Give that a thought, OK. good luck and i hope this shed some light on your situation.

Answer 3

No, it is not normal for him to monitor. Doesn't he have anything better to do? Up until about 3 years ago my husband was a monitor too (not a bad one, but one none the less) I was also working. I just told him flat out. I make my own money and I will do what I want with it. He has backed off big time. I'm so happy now. Just tell him how you feel. Monitoring will do nothing but ruin your marriage.

Answer 4

Sounds like a very controlling husband and your son is growing up to be just like him. Appears to be domestic abuse (verbal) to me and you are suffering depression because you have been putting up with this behaviour for too long, it is undermining your self confidence. I would like to suggest you seek some counselling from a Domestic Violence shelter - There you should find the support you need. A man to treat his wife this way is shameful; he threatens you with taking away your child, saying you are suffering manic depression, won't allow you to go out when you want, controlling, I wouldn't be surprised if he controls all the household money too, etc. Please get the advice and support from one of those shelters - You will find that you are not alone and build a better life for yourself. Good luck.

Answer 5

Is he so tight that he resents you buying an outfit or getting something for your children? If so, then counseling is in order I guess to come to some sort of agreement about what is fair and realistic.

If he does let you guys buy some wanted things, then just stick to his budget. Let him handle the bills, etc. One less thing for you to worry about. My husband handles our bills and he and I both get an "allowance" every month to spend on whatever we want. We stick to a budget and save. He monitors things and I get little things I like,so I dont' care.

Answer 6

I don't care what your husband tells you it's his money and that's what it comes down to he will never say that but his actions says it all. I love it when my husband says what's mine is yours that is such b u l l s h i t . If i take &20 out of the bank he wants to know what i need it for.You are diffinity not alone when it comes to arguing over money. When my husband heads for his computer to pay the bills i just put my head down and say to myself,here we go again.

Answer 7

Just put yourself in his shoes. He doesnt understand all the work you do. He sees it as he is going to work and you are spending his money. If all 4 are studying then there are no kids at home and no need for you to be either.
Maybe show some incentive and work yourself.

Answer 8

You are at his mercy. He makes all the money. Can't you get a part time job so you can have some money of your own? He doesn't trust you with his money.Sad but true.

Answer 9

i would get a job either full or partime and then you can use that money as you see fit like he does the other.. other wise i think its something you might not ever agree on.. if neither of you will budge.. good luck

Answer 10

Four kids and all of this going on every day ??????
Sounds like you need to make better choices sweetie.