Worth Staying?

Question

My husband and I have been married for about 3 years. He's gone a lot with his job and we've had our ups and downs like everyone else. However, last year during one of his business trips I called him and heard another woman answer the phone. After trying to call him back several times he didn't answer. During this same trip he called me drunk telling me that he wanted a divorce and thought we got married too young. Come the next day he acted like nothing happened. Since then things have just been different, I feel like I'm never really happy. He's only concerned with work and lately drinking a lot. Is it worth me staying or should I just get out while I'm still young and have the rest of my life to look forward to?

it's not like he's always drinking it's just lately. It's like he's not happy unless he's drunk.
I asked him after our fight last year if he really wanted a divorce and told him that if that's what he wanted I would gladly give it to him. There's days he perfectly fine, and days like to day where he doesn't say one word to me and makes his own dinner after I've already spent about and hour making dinner for both of us.

luckily we don't have any kids. and I have asked him about that night. He told me I was "hearing things" and said that the reason he didn't answer his phone after that was because he doesn't like talking to me when I'm with my friends.
He works for the USFS as a firefighter so he's gone every summer for two or three weeks at a time.

I've asked him straight out if he's ever cheated on me and he swears he hasn't but, our sex life isn't like it use to be our whole relationship is different.

it was his cell phone that I flipping pay for.

Answer 1

I hate to say it, but I'd get out now. If he's not happy being married, he's not likely to change his mind. Very sad. Do you have kids? You have to think about your own happiness! You should be partners in marriage. I would confront him about it. I know that's easy for me to say, but I got out of a bad marriage, too. A little late, but I still did it. It's not worth staying in an unhappy marriage.

Answer 2

It is so obvious that there are prolems in your marriage. Some man like to drink maybe once or twice a week, but not to drink so he can get drunk all the time. You said " I feel like I'm never really happy." And to me, he feels the same way. Either you both need to have a serious talk to try to find way to work this out. If he doesn't want to then you should get out of this relationship. I think you are sure or have some doubt about he is cheating on you, but you are still love him, that's why you are in denial. Why would a woman pick up my husband phone and answer( and you didn't got a clue who she was. Not even a co-worker or even his lover got no business to p/u his phone, unless he let her,or without him knowning.) Lucky that there is no children involve here.You don't want to bring up children in this kind of unhealthy marriage. My question to you: Is he worth for you to stay? Is he good enough for you to waste your youth time? Life is too short.

Answer 3

Ahhh...sorry to hear that you have to go through this. Have you flat out asked him if he's having an affair and did you tell him about the girl answering the phone?Are there any other signs that he may be having an affair? If you feel he probabally is ..then I would prepare myself financially and make a plan than
you really need to talk with him to find out whats going on with him. If you are not happy anymore...what are the reasons? Can each one be worked on? Do you still love him and feel he is worth fighting for? Lots to look at and think about....would counseling work for you two? If you divorced, how would you get by and where would you live,etc. Are there babies involved? I'm not really trying to bombarde you with so many questions to be nosy but trying to point out that there are so many considerations to think about for anyone to be able to answer your question hon. Whatever you decide...God bless and make sure that you get the respect you deserve. Life is to short to stay unhappy when solutions can be found.

Answer 4

Have you talked to him about that night. How does he answer to the fact that a woman answered the phone in his room? How does he react? Does he think he owes you an apology? (note here: he does!). How can you be happy with someone you can't trust, that is the issue here. If he travels alot, is he sleeping with other women? And honestly, in todays world, if he is, or you need to know. Not just to be hurt, but did you ever think that he could contract some sexually transmitted disease? You'd need to be checked for all of them, right up to the HIV virus! Sorry if that sounds bad, but in today's world you have to be careful. And I know you are hurt, but if the marriage ends because he is cheating, you have only gotten rid of a cheater, and another woman has inherited a cheater. But if you really want the marriage to work, he has to stop cheating, and you have to forgive. And it wouldn't hurt to get some marriage counseling, to strengthen the marriage, not hurt it. If the two of you decide that you really love each other, I don't know if you are involved with a church,but there's a program called Marriage Encounter. It teaches communication and togetherness. Nothing is group shared, everything is only between you and your husband for that weekend, and it can be wonderful to bring 2 people closer together. If you are interested. Good Luck, My prayers are with you.

Answer 5

A firefighter on a business trip? And WHY are YOU paying for his cell phone? Sounds like there is more to this story.
At any rate, when was the last time he's had a complete physical? There could be a reason behind his new found taste for alcohol.

Answer 6

I don't know him all that well and I don't trust him.

He drinks alot lately, not good, the hotel thing? Busted, sorry, I've heard every excuse in the world and the divorce thing? Drunks have a way of being uninhibited when they're 20 sheets to the wind.

Divorce him now, he can change if he wants to, but it's gotta be on his terms, you have nothing to do with it, good luck.

Answer 7

ok, i know my advice will be very hard for you! Firstly ask yourself if you will really agree to divorce and move on?
Please arrange a day outside your home and talk to him.
Give him a week to go back to think and this period of time, you have to move out of the house. Do a getaway or Missing in action where he cannot reach you. on the other hand, get a PI to monitor him during this period (see if he having a affair or not?) if he cheated or still insist a divorce, it time for you to move on since you are young and has no children. I believe outside there will be a better man waiting for you. One who will love and cherish you.

Answer 8

i am also young,i'm 21 yrs old,and been with my hubby at the age of 13 yrs.in life people goes through alot of things,sometimes when u think ur marriage is bad its not as it seems when u hear other people stories.my husband reacently started drinking becuz he got caught up with his friends,recently like a month ago,he came home soooo drunk that he didn't even know himself.my 13 yr old sister is spending her summer vacation with me,that night when he came home i was in the shower,he tried to put his hands up in her clothes,and tried to kiss her.i was sooo shocked i couldn't believe my ears,but i also have 2 small kids,and becuz of them i'm trying to work things out,but it had to take something like that for him to stop drinking and hanging with his friends.he never took a drink after that.i will say give him a chance.forgive him,but do not forget,and now u have something u can hold agaisnt him.take care..

Answer 9

And you still have to ask? He's told you that he wants a divorce, he may have been drunk, but you know it is how feels. Move on. You could do so much better. Who wants to be with someone that's cheated?

Answer 10

Call Alcoholics Anonymous and ask them to direct you to the nearest Ala-non meeting, it is free and they have the best help you can find any where. Knowledge is your best weapon.

A person is an alcholic when their drinking causes problems. Go check it out, look for the similarities not the differences.