Why is my husband hesitant about having a vasectomy done?

Question

I am 38 yrs old going on 39 yrs old and my husband is 37 yrs going on 38 yrs old. We have been married for 10 yrs happily and known each other since high school we met when we were ages 16 and 17 its a complicated story .This is my third hopefully final marriage and i have 7 kids 3 boys/4 girls who all live with me.My husband is the biological father of my 3 boys and my youngest daughter.I dont want to have to worry about pregnancy anymore but when i brought up a vasectomy?he said what if i want another child and looked offended?I dont get it he was fine with the idea of not having anymore kids till i brought up a vasectomy?

I should add the pill has never worked for me and neither did the depo shot.It would also be cheaper us financially for him to get snipped than me to get my tubes tied.

Answer 1

well i can see his point.. my sister got that done to her cat an it totaly changed him... he wont even go out anymore now... jus stays home all day rolling on the floor... so ur reel sure u want ur husbend like that???

Answer 2

Well, first and foremost, it involves a sharp object on his gonads. I think that is the first reason! The second reason is what IF he DOES want another child?? That needs to be addressed first. You might be done but maybe he isn't quite there yet....

I really think it's the first reason. After having four kids and we both knew we were done, we looked into our options. Our insurance doesn't cover birth control or sterilization ( can you believe that in this day and age...) So our decision was financial. His vasectomy was going to cost about $2800 less than my tubal. Wooohoo!! I was secretly kind of happy because hey, I've had four kids and wasn't it his turn to do something?? Much like your husband he wasn't so thrilled and was pretty frightened about the whole thing. He's also frugal so...he knew it was up to him. After about a year of him putting it off and me looking things up online and showing him (lots of helpful and informative sites out there) he finally made the appointment. It took him longer than most to recover (about a week) but we've been sperm free for 2 years now and I've never been more relaxed about sex. It's WONDERFUL! He's relaxed too and glad that he did it.

Just give him some time to let the idea sink in. Help him do a little research. Ask him if he really wants another baby in the house...Give him time, it's a big deal to him. Wouldn't it be for you as well?

Good luck :)

Answer 3

I suppose he might feel odd at the fact of not being able to father anymore kids. Lets face its sort of a mans nature to spread his seed. So even though you all may have talked and decided your family is complete. To get his tubes snipped he might not feel like a true man that he can no longer impregnated, despite having impregnated you 4 times.

Its not like anything is removed, they just snip off, so the sperm can not mix with the semen. Perhaps he feels he will not be able to perform well that is completely untrue in fact you will be able to do it anywhere and everywhere and not have to worry about protection. You might want to tell your husband that tubal ligation is a major surgery though unlikely there is a small change you could die. Your recovery time could be 3 to 4 weeks, you might have to stay at the hospital for a few days. For a vasectomy recover time is 2 or 3 days, your husband could go home right after the procedure. You think after baring 4 of his children he could do this for you.

Answer 4

Some men feel that it will effect their manhood to have a vasectomy. Also, men aren't as use to a doctor looking and touching their private parts. We, women are use to it. It is so much easier for a man to get a vasectomy than for a woman to get her tubes tied. A vasectomy is done in a urologist office and there is very little recovery time. My husband says the only big issue was the wonderful shot to numb things. Getting your tubes tied is major surgery. Also, as you get older taking birth control pills can be more risky. There are more side effects for woman as they get older.

Do you really think he wants more children? Can you afford it? It may be he is just a little uncertain about the vasectomy process. If so, do a web search and give him info.

Good luck

Answer 5

I was about your age with that question. My husband never was willing to have a vasectomy. I think he took it as an affront to his "manhood". So I got my tubes tied cause I couldn't handle having another pregnancy.

You can go back and ask about the conversation about not having any more kids. Did he mean it when he said it? Has he changed his mind? Is he willing to carry the fetus to term?

I hated to do the surgery on one hand cause my husband wanted to have a girl. I had a child with a severe hereditary debilitating handicap and thought I'd have a nervous breakdown if I got pregnant again, so I did the surgery in spite of his disagreement.

It's best to have an agreement. If he agrees to no more kids, then you have the surgery so he doesn't have to. After all, it's YOUR body that has to support a fetus in utero for 9 months.

Answer 6

Many men have their ego tethered to their ability to have children. Such types are usually chauvinistic. They make bad candidates for vasectomies because they sill suffer from imaginary side effects that will cause all kinds perceived medical problems.

In reality a vasectomy is a “piece of cake”, and has no physical side effects, not even a scar. For egotistical men, it will prove devastating, and may lead to hair loss, and ED (none of this has anything to do with the vasectomy, it is just ego).

I suggest you stop letting him have sex until after he gets the vasectomy, or tell him it is condoms or nothing.

If he won’t I suggest you get your tubes tied. I have no kids. I work a white collar job, so I pay about 1/3 of my salary in taxes. I am going bankrupt paying for your, and everyone elses kids education. Please do something quick.

I had my vasectomy at age 21. That was 20 years ago. I am very proud of it.

Answer 7

He may be hesitating for a LOT of reasons. He's your third husband, for gosh' sake - he may be thinking if you leave him, he'd still want the chance to have more children with another wife.
I suggest if YOU are the one who doesn't want more children, you have the surgery. The cost shouldn't matter.
My husband had a vasectomy because it was both dangerous for me to have another child, and for me to have a tubal. So honestly I thought it was both brave and kind of him to do it. Takes a few days' recovery, no effects on sex drive or anything like that at all!

Answer 8

Its a touchy subject im still younge but asking someone to do that is a big step it probably makes him feel old and he might be going threw a mid life crisis but mabe you should be more understanding cause thats his man hood and he probably might not want to feel like the door is closing on him forever. Its not just about the kids and i can see where both of you are comming from but its a big thing to ask someone and maybe he doesnt feel like its compeltly nessisary its his body and he might not want you making decisions on it.
Sorry if any of this sounded harsh at all its not intended.
just sit down and talk about it with him im sure you two can work something out
Good Luck

Answer 9

You've got all the good arguments on your side. Guys sometimes have this irrational fear when doctors point scalpels at the boys. Try to make hubby see that if he summons his courage and gets the vas that you two will be able to have wonderful-feeling, completely unprotected sex without fearing pregnancy. Some good-feeling stuff should help him heal faster. Also make sure he knows exactly how simple the procedure is (he does it in the doc's office, goes home after, is tender for a few days, and that's all). Good luck!

Answer 10

He's worried about his manhood. Some guys measure their manliness on the ability to father kids. These guys think they are no longer a man if they can't. My husband was ok with getting a vas but afterwards his sex drive dropped. No physical reason, it's all in his head.

Answer 11

Restrict your bedroom activities to those having ZERO risk of pregnancy. Or, if you are both OK with the idea of Plan B, then abortion, as a emergency options in case of contraception failure, order 12 dozen condoms. Used correctly, condoms are 99% effective.

Planned Parenthood is a great resource for information on condom use, surgical methods, outercourse, etc.
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/birth-control-pregnancy/birth-control/condom.htm

added later: CATS do not have vasectomies, they have their testicles removed. There is a BIG difference.