My very fussy husband doesn't appreciate the fact that i am trying my hardest to keep the house clean and tidy

Question

I have a very stressful job that at the end of the day am so mentally and physically exchausted. But when i come home, at least twice a week, i make sure i hover, dust and keep the house clean and tidy. But my husband is not happy enuf with my efforts, instead, he makes comments about other places that hasn't been done! this evening i confronted him about it and reminded him how stressful my job is and that am doing my best. His reply was, if am not happy with his fussy nature and his needs to keep the house sparkling clean, I SHOULD LEAVE! am just gobsmarked, confused and can hardly believe he just said that. Please help, i need your comments about this as its eating me up! i can't sleep as you can see the time am posting this.

Answer 1

Id not clean at all and see if he likes that.Good luck!

Answer 2

Well, since he's the one who mentioned leaving and not you, and since you are asking:

Make a list of everything that needs to be done.
Include paying the bill, maintaining the vehicles, maintaining the checking account, and maintaining the yard. Cooking, shopping, laundry, bathrooms, etc...

Do this on notepad or word. Go -

Bathrooms - 2 x week - Wednesday - Jessy
Saturday - Jessy

Balance checking account - 1 x month - Jessy

Cook Dinner - Monday - Jessy
Kitchen Clean-up - Monday - Jessy

Your laundry - Tuesday -Jessy
Saturday - Jessy

His laundry -

Towels -

and so on.

Once you have the list and frequency for everything written down, pick and choose what you will do.

Then e-mail him the list and have him pick and choose from what is left. Save an original copy and e-mail him one to modify.

Note: Pick and choose Only what you feel you can do.

After he's chosen his chores, then you know, Friday, no one is cooking or doing the kitchen.

Order in on Fridays.

No one took Lawn Maintenence - hire the kid next door.

The floors aren't getting done - have a maid in once a week.

Ok. So.
Now you get the list back. He's insulted and he's either not put his name to a damn thing or he's filled in the blanks with yours. ( I can be a little psychic sometimes, from years of experience with males.)

Print out the original copy if he's not co-operating, and hang it on the fridge. That's your list. He can feel free to pick up a blank at any time. Otherwise, not getting done, or he can hire someone to cover the blanks. His call.

This is not the cure, hon, this is a tool. Now you have a good evaluation for his attitude.

When he says, hey, when you spent that 2 hours cleaning, how come my laundry didn't get done? You say, it's not on my list.

Either he gets it or he doesn't. If he doesn't you have a bigger problem.

Then the ball is in your court.

Answer 3

Maybe its the constant picking up after them that they don't like? If you're doing that and often cleaning round them and/or tidying up things that they have left around, then it could be percieved as you criticising them for being too untidy. My ex was like this - he'd 'tidy' shoes away so our guests couldn't find them when the were trying to leave, 'tidy' plates and cups people hadn't finished with etc etc..... which just p*ssed everyone off and made us feel we couldn't possibly live up to his exacting standards! I don't think you're being silly wanting a clean tidy house, but I do think you could relax a bit, and try to restrict the tidying up and cleaning to times when they're not around. Its also worth bearing in mind that bringing up kids in a 'too-clean' environment can actually cause more harm than good in the long term - a bit of dirt every now and then educates the immune system. (Google "the hygeine hypothesis" if you don't believe me!)

Answer 4

That is part of the pain two people have to live together.

I find Mr or Mrs Fussy very difficult to live with. They can damage your self-esteem. You are just never good enough for them, even when they never think about it that way. I knew people that had to work out a chore list and have tasks allocated. I also knew people who got a maid to help with the cleaning. These help to some degree, but may not resolve the whole issue. They need to understand that just like them, everyone else has bottom line on things as well - if they like to nag about it without finding a better way to deal with the problem or communicate it in a more constructive way, they can live with their nagging self.

On the other hand, I have no doubt he will apologize for saying things like that later on. And it could be there were something that was getting on his nerve when he said that. Try to ignore it for a few days and get some sleep. It will be fine.

Answer 5

I intentionally logged in tonight to see if there were any men complaining about the way their STAY AT HOME WIVES don't do NY housework to amount to ANYTHING. As I see, you work a full time job and you at least do housework twice a week. I would feel HONORED if I were your husband. My wife does nothing but sit on her (nice) butt and read romance novels all day and night. She attends to the kids and me great, don't get me wrong, but every spare moment she has is dedicated to sitting on her butt and the house (new house) looks like a garbage dump. I am so frustrated that I want to just run away, and I'm not joking. I cannot stand to live in a house with clothes all over the place and dirty dishes in the sink almost all the time. It makes me physically angry. And don't get me wrong, the MAID I hired that comes once a week does a great job, but she can only work one day a week. I am so ready to just LEAVE. I would rather live alone in a garage than in my NEW 2400 sqft hardwood floor, two story home, that I (with a lot of help from others,) built. I am losing it over here.

Answer 6

If you both work why is it YOUR job to clean the house? Back when women didn't work it made more sense that it was the woman's job to keep the house clean since she didn't work outside the home. But in today's world his ideas are from the dark ages. If he doesn't like the way you clean then he can either do it himself or hire someone to do it, or get out. He sounds like a completely self absorbed tool box. If he cares so little for your feelings then I doubt the marriage will last. And unfortunately you will have to decide if you want to live with such a selfish person the rest of your life.

Answer 7

There has to be something else in this relationship. If you are gone for all those days and come home twice a week, he should also step to assist you where he can since he is the only one at home all the time. However, on the hand you might sometimes take you job as an excuse but in reality, it you more like to see that the house is clean. I understand he is lazy to keep up with the house but underneath his complaint, there is something fishy in there, find out why he want you gone if he he himself can't keep up with cleanness

Answer 8

I am married to one just like it, totally inflexible, he just had a go at me because I forgot to clean the BBQ after the last time we used it - I mean come on it's rained ever since and it was the last thing on my mind to do! When he goes into the kitchen he goes mad of the worktops are cluttered - even if I am in the middle of cooking a meal. I have to tidy the kitchen before I sit down to eat MY dinner, hence my food gets cold on the side while I have to get the kitchen tidy. I wouldn't mind but he wasn't exactly brought up in a palace, he came from a large family and his mum's home was far from pristine. If I had the money I'd walk believe me.

Answer 9

My question for Mr. Fussy is why doesn't HE do a little cleaning etc. In this day and age of 2 paychecks BOTH Husband AND Wife need to share the domestic chores. What a " drip" expecting YOU to do all that work AND hold down a full time job. Mr. Fussy needs to apologize( on his knees )take you out to a nice dinner, flowers, a little jewelry, and thank God for such a tolerant woman.

Answer 10

First of all, does he work also? if he does, then you should tell your husband that the house is his responsibility also, therefore he has to help with house work also. Too, many times we women "take on ALL the work when we shouldn't" we are human. For him to say such a stupid thing to you, well, that a man for ya, ignore him. Do not play into his hand, that will make him feel as if you can not cope. Next time he decides to criticise you, hand him a duster, and go exit and have yourself a nice drink of wine while he dusts...

Answer 11

I would tell him that since he is actually the one with the problem he is the one who should leave, because from now on you will clean when you're good and damn ready!!! Or if he wants a maid he should hire one. I don't remember anything about housekeeping in marriage vows do you? I do remember love, respect etc. And make sure the maid's salary comes out of his paycheck! Oh and while he's at it make sure he saves enough out of his check for the shrink he'll be paying to help him with his A type/compulsive bull **** personality.