I am at home during the day with our 9-month-old baby. However, I am a full time PhD student and I run my own business where I have to complete major projects from home. My husband gets home on a regular basis, sometimes as late as 10pm. When I speak to him about it (every evening) he does the same thing the next evening despite telling me he will be home earlier. I understand his job is very demanding but is he also a work-a-holic. My schoolwork and professional projects for my business and patience is suffering. In the evening I am juggling bathing, feeding, and putting the baby down, school work, & projects for the biz, cooking dinner, & simply sitting down to take a breath. How do I get him to understand where I am coming from aside from yelling every night when he comes home, failing a class, closing down the biz, or having a nervous breakdown and then saying I told you so?
2007-08-25 14:02:39 · 8 answers · asked by LemonDrops 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I usually don't recommend books because I hate it when people recommend them to me, but I honestly wish I could buy "Love & Respect" for every married (and engaged) person I know. So try and hear me out...
It states that a woman's driving need is to feel loved and when she feels loved she feels happy. A man's driving need is to feel respect and when he feels respected he is happy. When a woman feels unloved she acts out disrespectfully to her husband, and when a man feels disrespected he acts out unloving towards his wife and the crazy cycle begins.
If this is setting off any light bulbs for you read on...
"I wrote this book out of desperation that was turned into inspiration. As a pastor, I counseled married couples and could not solve their problems. The major problem I heard from wives was, "He doesn't love me." Wives are made to love, want to love, and expect love. Many husbands fail to deliver. But as I kept studying Scripture and counseling couples, I finally saw the other half of the equation. Husbands weren't saying it much, but they were thinking, "She doesn't respect me." Husbands are made to be respected, want respect, and expect respect. Many wives fail to deliver. The result is that five out of ten marriages land in divorce court (and that includes evangelical Christians).
As I wrestled with the problem, I finally saw a connection: without love from him, she reacts without respect; without respect from her, he reacts without love. Around and around it goes. I call it the Crazy Cycle - marital craziness that has thousands of couples in its grip."
I am not even half-ways through the book and workbook, and while my husband is not studying the material with me it has already worked miracles in my no-longer-failing marriage. There is a big section on men and their workaholic tendencies.
If you do believe in God I highly recommend this biblically based book. It's not a "religious freak" book or anything but it's nice to know that it is based on things in the bible and not just some theory or pop psychology book, and it's been a #1 seller for over 2 years now... it's working for thousands of couples!
2007-08-27 04:19:24 · answer #1 · answered by THATgirl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, what a hectic life you two lead! That's why my husband and I don't want kids - it's just too much stress. We both work full time jobs, I put in 40 hrs a week, he puts in about 55.
I think your best bet is to take care of the child and leave your other projects alone until you have true time for them.
2007-08-25 14:37:52 · answer #2 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Use reverse tactics, don't be mean, just become distant and unconcerned when it comes to him, don't call him, don't look for him find something else to do and it sounds like you have plenty of that. Stop yelling when he comes home, hardly even notice instead.
Hire some one to come in and help you in the evenings. Obviously he isn't going too. Then see what happens with him.
2007-08-25 21:05:42 · answer #3 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What kind of job would keep him out that late? Maybe you should take a breather. Like you and the baby should leave and let him see what his life would be like alone. Sometimes action speaks louder than words.Maybe you could tell him that you want to go to therapy? Good luck and God bless.
2007-08-25 14:14:03 · answer #4 · answered by candib 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why not arrange for daycare for two or three days a week to give you a break? If your husband can't solve it then you can. If only for a few hours a week might give you the time you need to get things done?
2007-08-25 14:31:00 · answer #5 · answered by Big Red 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello, you need to stress the fact ( without yelling) that you eally are a team and you need his help. Just till you complete your goals. His assistance is requested and he should ablige.
2007-08-25 14:13:46 · answer #6 · answered by seaking 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When the opportunity presents itself tell him to full in for you for just one day,tell him you need the day off.If that doesn't smarten him up nothing will.
2007-08-25 14:12:54 · answer #7 · answered by Julius C 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
write him a letter detailing all this! copy and paste this and email it to him!
2007-08-25 14:09:33 · answer #8 · answered by fullofsugaw 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋