I am no longer attracted to my husband, and wish he would see that. How do I tell him.?

Question

I've been with my husband for 25yrs, married for 19yrs. I No longer find him attractive. When he turned 35 he started letting himself go. He has gained so much weight, it makes me sick to look at him. I purchased gym membership for him two years ago, prior to that I purchased a home gym set. I walk he has made little effort to do anything about his health. I have no interest in being with him. Should I feel bad about my feelings????

Answer 1

U-G-L-Y you got no L-Y..YOU UGLY!! YES, YES, You UGLY!!

after that, he'll get the point

Answer 2

That's hard, I know the ideal would be if you didn't care what he looked like, but that isn't how it works in real life. Ignore some of the stupid ideas on here, try and tell him without hurting his feelings. Perhaps if you do the cooking you could try cooking him some healthy but good meals? Or you could say you are going on a diet, and you want him to exercise with you. If the gentle approach doesn't work, you'll have to be honest, but not nasty. Say you're worried about his health. Don't tell him he's not attractive to you though - that will just make him depressed and less likely to do anything positive. Try and find active things to do together that you both enjoy.
You shouldn't feel bad, it's normal to feel that way when someone you love changes so much.

Answer 3

Lets see. do you cook the meals? Buy the groceries? Not knowing your situation, I suspect there is probably a whole lot of non- communication with an exception that there is an over emphasis on his weight problem. This is the man you chose to marry, a reflection of your taste. and inside I suspect he still very much the same person you married, now after 25 years you , are not interested??? Now I feel bad, that for better or worse, in sickness and in health, if the shoe was on the other foot, how would you feel???

Answer 4

Well, why don't you tell him everything you just told us? He deserves to know. Do you encourage him to take better care of himself? Maybe he is depressed. People tend to gain weight when they become depressed. Attraction and being in Love are two separate things. Do you love him besides him being over weight? Who cooks for him? It's a long time you have been with him and at your age it is harder to find a soul mate for the remainder of your life. You married this man for some reason unless you were just attracted to him, which seems superficial to me.Are you having a fling on the side? stop now and really talk to your husband and try and work it out or take a break. You need to see how it is with out him for awhile before you make any final decisions.

Answer 5

Sounds as if your husband is suffering from a mild bit of depression...as for you, are you exactely as you were when you first met 25 years ago? Somewhere down the line there has been a breakdown in your marriage, you both have stopped trying to be interesting and loving each other....do you still have active sex life? if not then you had better tell hime that his weight is hindering your sexual attitude toward him and you really love him and want things to get better. If not, if your no longer loving your husband, then you should leave , cut your losses and just go. No need in making him feel bad also. Most men lets themselves go when they are comfortable, and in love...

Answer 6

Hard question - for better or worse - through sickness and health ..... blah,blah.....................

I would suggest talking to him , suggest a diet together or just start cooking differently ( great programme on called eat yourself thin ) Suggest you join a club or class - salsa or something

What if it was you? How would you feel?

Although you may not like the exterior - the same person you fell in love with must be hidden inside - you need to find him!!

I think after 25 years - it would be worth the effort of fixing it , although not an easy task

Good luck

Answer 7

Well, I think it's a very touchy issue... and you should bring it up VERY carefully! What you are saying is basically that you don't accept him as he is...and that could definitively blow out of proportion....I'm assuming you still love him and would like to continue married....

Perhaps if you talked it over and you said something like: "Honey...I was looking over some pictures from when we were just married the other day...and I wanted to show you how much we've changed..."

or if you said : "Sweetie....I'm worried about your health...Dr. So -and -So was telling me about a friend of his who had a serious heart attack that could have been prevented if he had lost some weight..." Hopefully he won't feel you are nagging him, but rather that you are concerned about his well-being.
Ask him if he would like the two of you to exercise together....
Good luck.

Answer 8

he prob has diabetes or iron low as in anemia to make him feel sooo low and not do anything about hius weight. doe she have depression? that could be some major factor or low throid levels etc. is he depressed? does he have alot of stress on him? is he financially in debt? is he worried about something? theres must be SOMETHING wrong. he prob isnt lazy but has an underlying problem. try seeing it that way...or maybe he is just plain like that but if he wasnt b4, then why whould he be now?! its his excess weight thats not letting him do stuff. u need to encourage it. u cant just stop having feelings for someone coz they gone big! geeez, so did u just marry him for his looks? if so, it wasnt true love, im sorry to say.being in love means there for them through good and bad times. i think if u love soemones personality and attitudes, u love them no matter how big or thin or small or tall they are. maybe u found him attractive but why u marry him then? there must be more to him right? if so...why do you want to leave him for? over a gym debate? not worth it.

Answer 9

Nowhere do you mention: that you love him, that he's a good or bad husband, how he treats you, if he's faithful to you, if he comes home every night to you, if he works very hard every day, or if he has a good sense of humor. You also haven't mentioned if he's gone to a doctor recently, whether you've encouraged him to exercise with you, whether he's sober, etc.

There's more to it than looks. If appearance is all that matters to you, then let him go find someone who is interested in his other attributes and in his health. Don't think you're doing him any favors by staying with a man you can't stand to look at.

Answer 10

Do you mean to say that he has no idea that you aren't attracted to him? I think for him to be THAT unaware of your feelings is far worse than his looks. Although, when a man (or woman) gets fat, lazy, and stupid that is unacceptable.

If he doesn't want to do anything to help himself, and doesn't care how you feel, that's a big problem. But, I don't know if you are ready to leave him over it. Is divorce an option?

And, no. . . . you should not feel badly about your feelings. Your feelings are important to you, and they should be to him too. He doesn't even care about himself. How can he possibly care about anyone else.

That is sad & pathetic. You deserve to be happy. If you choose divorce, you don't have to tell him. Just have him served the papers while he's at work. That should shock him back into reality.

Good luck.

Answer 11

DON'T LISTEN TO THE OTHER RESPONSES!!!!!
If he is a good and honest husband then you should be more then willing to let him get into shape. You should feel very bad for wanting to leave him over some weight. What if you were the one that was overweight or had sagging breasts? You need to tell him NICELY that you REALLY WANT him to get into shape, b/c you truely WILL NOT BE (say that, don't hurt him) attracted to him anymore. If that doesn't work then say that if he doesn't lose the weight and get into shape then YOU will let yourself go. (Don't have to mean it, just say it to scare him) Or say that if he doesn't get into shape then no sex EVER!


Good luck to you and be mature, don't just leave the poor guy!