my husband and i have been seperated for 5 months now i put a pfa on him but i was talked into from a friend then she later robbed my house she wanted my husband out we where haven problems so i was drinken pretty heavy last night and i went too see my husband he was djen at a club about 20 minutes from my house and a friend drove me there every time i get drunk which isnt too often i really think about my husband alot deeply so i went to see him he was shocked too see me , i went over to ask him how he was doen and he said drunk but he really wasnt i was anyway i took him outside and cried to him and told him how much i care about him and i do miss him and i think about him everyday he did kiss me twice and we hugged each other but he kept telling me i cant talk to someone who has a pfa on me but i told him the reason why i did it and he told me then that it made sense to him but he said he would be my friend if i got the pfa lifted, but he wants a divorce im so hurt now please help
2007-08-25 13:42:49 · 22 answers · asked by jewels 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You're lookin back on this relationship with some wishful thinking aren't you? If your "Friend" talked you into something, then it sounds like you trust other people more than your husband. That's not a good sign. You also couldn't control him at the time and you must have been afraid. A PFA is some serious stuff isn't it? You had some serious reasons. I think that a court judge must have believed these reasons. How many times did the cops come over? Make a list of the bad times. Were there any black eyes, insults, broken bones, or rages. Were you ever so fearful that you needed help?
Everyone wants to be abused, right? We all want to be afraid in our own house, right? We need to be isolated from others, or consumed with just one person who makes us feel bad about ourselves, right? Doesn't everyone want to be a prisoner in a family that doesn't work? And finally, don't we want to take responsibility for everything that goes wrong and to blame ourselves for someone else's failings?
You're too smart to step back. I'm sorry that your friend was treachorous. That's not a reason to give up on trusting yourself. You made some pretty serious decisions back then. Think about why.
2007-08-25 14:04:12 · answer #1 · answered by CHARLES T 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well, what do u mean by pfa? Is that some sort of protection order? I know you can only really get one of those if he hits you or does something that's not really legal. And if that's the case, you're a dummy for wanting him back.
Well, you don't ever go crying to guys. EVER. If you want him, ignore him. You should have gone to the club and pretended you didn't know he was there and just danced or something. No doubt he probably would have come up to you...except for the whole pfa thing. Listen, crying and whining to a guy just makes you look pathetic.
He wants a divorce now, and no offense but it seems to me like that's your fault. You played too many mind games. If he doesn't want you back, no point in begging, it'll only make him run away faster. Just wait it out, if you talk, be nice, no begging or whining...don't even tell him you want him back unless he asks you or brings it up. If you don't talk, then it's done and you'll just have to accept it. I'm sorry. I know how much it hurts.
2007-08-25 13:52:51 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Apparently , he's still miserable from the seperation, wasting away with alcohol and uninteresetd in you. Suggest that the two of you divorce but try to remain friends. If his wanting a divvorce hurts you, then tell him, regardless of the result.
What's a pfa? The divorce is obvsiouly what he feels is right, and maybe even his punishment for you. Being he's the one who wants a divorce, let have it, let him go. It'll be for the better, in his case.
2007-08-25 13:59:56 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you got that against him ,there must be a good reason, there are plenty of men in the world for you..... And dont talk to someone when your drunk that never makes it anywhere..\
If it is over then so be it, but you need to talk to him sober, and think to yourself about why you put a pfa on him, and listen to your own thoughts first, you know what you really want, dont just be with him, for no reason..
2007-08-25 13:48:54 · answer #4 · answered by rockgirlfury 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
How? Sorry, honey, we can't fix the mess that you and your husband have made of your lives. Either get the PFA lifted or leave him completely alone. Judges don't like to see this sort of thing.
2007-08-25 13:48:49 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well maybe he took advantage of the way you were and tried to get you to take the pfa off so he doesn't ahve to worry about it anymore. But since he's going to divorce you anyway why worry if he has one or not. Once the divorce is final just lift it. And you will see that's akll he wanted. But the way you feel is normal but in time you will heal and go on your way. So be strong and take it one day at a time and take him tot eh cleaners in teh divorce settlement or else he will.
2007-08-25 13:50:18 · answer #6 · answered by Always ready for anything 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Jewels, you've made a fine mess of things now haven't you.
Stop drinking.Get that pfa thing lifted(I'm guessing its a restraining order)
Call him on the phone and ask if he would reconsider the divorce.
Go to counseling.
Good luck!
2007-08-25 13:49:53 · answer #7 · answered by Mark K 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Stop wallowing in your own self pity.
Start controlling yourself with your brain and not your emotions.
Take control of your life. Quit drinking as it only compounds the problem. Wash your hair and go find someone else. This chapter of your life is over.
Post again in 6 months and let us all know how well you are doing.
Good luck
2007-08-25 13:52:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
you're understandably nervous. It wasn't incorrect to bypass on and on at him, whether that is probable going to make him extra defiant. I anticipate he does not see it as this type of massive situation. i could have a quiet chat with him and ask him what began him off smoking it lower back. clarify to him as you have above, the way it concerns you and which you're nervous for his well-being. specific that is his option to smoke it, yet he would be responsive to himself that smoking it each and every night isn't sturdy. Ask him if he expects you to be there for him whilst he starts off getting moody and it starts to electrify his behaviour, and your courting lower back? If that is not this type of massive deal to him, he would be chuffed to not get anymore for a whilst after he's finished this bag, specific? i think of to bypass away him could be going slightly too a techniques. that is not an addictive substance. possibly you need to indicate to him that this night, instead of him smoking, he ought to come to mattress early with you :) See the way it is going over the subsequent week. the main mandatory element would be if he brings extra residing house, as that'll make 3 bags in a row. he would be responsive to that is undesirable... yet will he inform you approximately it given your reaction this time? that would be the element to observe for: if he tries to cover it from you. If issues proceed to worsen, remind him of his babies and how that is affecting you. Will he end doing it for his kin?
2016-10-03 06:01:29 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
try to get sober,being drunk its not a big help.stop dringking,get your head together.dont go and see your husband.when your like that.dont contak him.dont answer what he ask for you yet.a devorce.if you really want him back.give yourself time.do exercise everyday,drink a lot of water.put make up on everytime you going out.make yourself good.to look good.give yourself a makeover.once you think you ready and look good.chalenge him in a nice way.so try not to touch alcohol.just think of how to look good,to have your husband back.then let him know and show him ,what he just about to throw away
2007-08-25 13:58:52 · answer #10 · answered by rizza 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋