Okay like ive said b4.My hubby comes back from Iraq in 2 monthes,but he is going through some insecurities,and he does like the fact that i go off base,and do ceerrtain things..He just wants me to stay home,and if i need anything then ican go to the store.I want to go to church,get involved in more activities to make time go faster,but he doesnt like it...what do i do,he is having major trust issues...what should i do!!!! im going insane......
2007-08-25 13:07:25 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sry he "'doesnt"" like it.
2007-08-25 13:08:35 · update #1
As a Christian, pray. God cares about your feelings and your marriage. He really does! Maybe you know that intellectually, but do you "really" know that? Asking people will not help. Come to God...He is waiting for you to ask Him. Didn't He say that that those who ask will receive?
Good Luck
2007-08-25 13:12:10 · answer #1 · answered by pinkviolinistofthelord 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I would tell him you need to do this because you have to pass the time while he is gone so it goes by faster. Tell him its so hard him not being there so you need to spend time doing other things that are good for you like church. I would tell him that if this is going to be a issue we have a bigger problem then you realize and living like that is not going to work if he will not let you move outside the box. ( home) This has to be addressed now. You have to find out if he is going to be a controlling "arz" or let you deal with missing him the best way you think you can. Jealousy is a big deal and can lead to so many problems. Stop it now and don't take no for a answer on this one. You may have to put your foot down real hard and it may cause a fight but who is winning here? Both of you if he agrees. If he will not budge on this you might consider counseling. If that doesnt work you may have a very controlling husband and that is not a good relationship. You may need to ask him if he goes and does anything on the weekends at anytime while gone. I bet he does. Then why cant you? It has to be mutual or forget it! Its not worth the rest of your life fighting someone that will not work with you. Good luck!
2007-08-25 20:24:40 · answer #2 · answered by cave wmn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has probably watched many of the people he works with get letters from spouses/fiances/boyfrinds/girlfriends who inform them they aren't worth the wait. Seeing that several times a week is probably very hard on all of them. They are lonely. No family. No spouse to hold and take comfort in. No hugs. No foot rubs. No showers. Uncertainty and worry. Try living with fear of your life being lost painfully.. or of losing a limb or two or three, or of watching one of your buddies be blown to bits. War is hell for him, woman.
Of course he is insecure and worried. Believe me.. he is going through far worse than you so calm down and get a grip. Do not make excuses to be mad at him. Its his job right now to be mad at an entire country with all the other soldiers there right now. He does not need you to be upset.
Instead..you be more concerned over making him feel better and far less worried. If you are doing things that would worry any spouse away from home for any reason..like visiting bars etc.. then stop doing any of that for real...do not just say it and then let him find out you were nothing but a liar while he was gone.
Plan a small party for when he gets home.. after he has had a few weeks to settle back into the routine of regular life. Invite some of your mutual friends only..no one new. Family he likes.. friends he likes. Ask him to help you plan it. Tell him to make a list. Make sure you tell him you will make him his favorite meal and so on. Take pictures of normal things around the house to show him... if you painted a closet take a picture of it.... I don't care if it just a plain old white closet.. take a picture..send it to him. Take a picture of a hedge outside that you trimmed..things like that. He is in a state of NOT normal right now..so you have to do more to make him aware that things will be ok and that you are there for him always.
God bless your family, girl. Stick with it. You can do it.
2007-08-26 00:17:45 · answer #3 · answered by jokerthefreak1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you ever given him a reason not to trust you and if so best thing for you to do is do what he asks of you it's not like tomorrow you'll be old and grey and your life almost over.Your young so what will it hurt if you give a little of your time in order for your husband to have peace of mind. Stop thinking only of yourself here,what if your husband never came back at all because his mind was on you, could you live with that. When he comes home that is when you deal with the issues he has. Now is not the time to deal with this give him this last 2 months so he can come home safe to you. If you love him you will do this for him,your mane concern should be getting him back home to you.
2007-08-25 20:40:49 · answer #4 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I see the picture. Your hubby is at no fault as I look at this situation, he is under stress and depressed and need someone around him. Iraq has caused many trauma, even slesping they keep on thinking of enemy coming for them. In his mind he constantly picture what he went through in Iraq, fighting for war that wasn't justified. He is right to feel insecure not because he want to, but as a fact of what he has been through at war. Think about it, how many sleepless night he spent out there thinking about you, being at home, why he was there, would be be come home alive or death, and now when he is at home, he see you leaving which make him to have a flash back of insecurity in Iraq. The nest thing is to spent much time with him, go outing together and show him how faithful you have been to him, how much you love him, how you missed him. He really need you around him at all times as a result of what he went through in Iraq and please be considerate
2007-08-25 20:28:35 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being in Iraq is a traumatic experience. Having stayed there for so long can change a human being. Even to his religion. Iraq is a muslim country. Why he doesn't he likes you going to church, beats me.. I don't intend to say it out loud.. you know where this leads to, don't you?? Have a talk with him. If he's having major trust issues, only the wife can help to solve them.
2007-08-25 21:44:11 · answer #6 · answered by narnia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its pretty common for guys in Iraq and other country in the services to act like this. They are not there and they worry about the fidelity of their spouse. It doesn't have to be over what you have done. It can be someone who he is serving with who finds out his wife is 5 months pregnant when he hasn't seen her in a year. They are under a lot of stress and they worry. You need to reassure him that you are there waiting for him and that you love him. Let him know you are being careful and faithful when you go out, but that you must live your own life and stay busy to help the time pass until he can return to you.Good Luck with it and I pray he comes home in good physical and mental health.
2007-08-25 20:14:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
What's up with that??? Sounds like a serious control freak and I would be real careful with that one. You should do whatever the !@#% you wanna do. You are a strong woman with your own mind and don't forget that! You know the difference between right and wrong, so do whatever makes you happy. He's not even there, but when he gets back you should have a serious chat about his control issues. Good Luck!
2007-08-25 21:12:45 · answer #8 · answered by Clara 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him he's making you a prisoner in your own home.. If he wants to have a good relationship with you he needs to let go. He is insecure about church?? That is ridiculous !!. Go and let him know the play by play of what you did so it makes him feel better. Tell him you love him and you would never ask him to do the same because you trust him.
2007-08-25 20:18:30 · answer #9 · answered by Hugs from Sugar bug 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i think the best question before the best answer can be given is: was he insecure like this before he left for Iraq? if he was then these are issues that are long term before you and him probably married. if not, they could be the effects of being away for so long in the war, like some sort of disassociative personality disorder...
in either case, marriage counseling would be y'all's best bet. it will not only help him with his trust issues, but in the atmosphere of a third party, it may bring to light some qualities in you that need to be addressed. in either case, its better than sitting back and doing nothing..and like others said, the power of prayer does miracles...
best wishes...
2007-08-25 22:22:29 · answer #10 · answered by D.... 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can appreciate the fact that he has insecurities, but if you are not the cause of those insecurities, then you should not have to suffer for them.
A compromise may be in order, but not to the extent that you give up your life, not fair.
The compromise may be that you let him know ahead of time, without negotiation, what your plans are, don't get talked out of them, but let him know what you are doing. Let him know that every Xday, you go to church, end of story. You leave AROUND such and such time, and you get back SOMEWHERE around such and such a time.
When he gets back, you guys need some counseling, and he will need some one on one therapy to help him out.
Good luck
2007-08-25 20:17:33 · answer #11 · answered by Michael H 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋