It's not like he drinks or cheats, etc.I have been in a marriage of 5 years and now sadly see how it dies away. I am surrounded by books about passive-agressive people, how to feel good, etc. I don't know how to talk to my husband any more as I've tried different ways with little success. The last time, perhaps, it was the wrong place to talk - the restaurant, so he gave out to me about it. Today he told me that we could eat out if it does not end up like the previous time - in other words, he wants me to keep my mouth shut about our issues. We've been to a counsellor, and he went for 6 sessions until he withdrew himself by saying that he did not like the woman and that a lot was about his issues. Tonight I will go to bed like 3 years before, knowing that intimacy has died between us (thanks God, because even the thought of it with him would make me panic now). It's hard to let go since it's not like it's about alcoholism, but more so about his sulking and emotional abuse.
2007-08-25 12:36:02 · 14 answers · asked by Alyssa Macey 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's simple: to him, I am the one who is in the wrong. When he hurts me, he does not get it, and when I tell him - he does not own it or make an effort to make it up. 5 years later he finally admitted he was not ready for kids - so he deliberatly was hiding this information to manupulate me to believe his lies. Still no peace as he is very defensive, I just see no ownership on his side at all.
2007-08-25 13:17:47 · update #1
I think you have answered your own question. The marriage has died and you are ready to move on with your life. Now you just have to do it. Yes it is sad and it hurts and it will be hard to do but, be strong and continue counseling for yourself.....good luck
2007-08-25 12:42:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is hard to let go of someone you care about and are attached to. I just had to end a 7 year relationship with someone for some of the same reasons, only we have kids together. Just be strong and know in your heart that it's for the best. Know that your happiness is just as important as his, and that even if going into the unknown is scary, you can't stay in a bad place just because it's familiar. The best way to move on is to end it, and end all contact possible... you will both need time to get over the feelings that still may be there and lingering. Sometimes loving someone means letting them go because it's what's best for the both of you, even if he can't see that. In time he will.
2016-05-17 22:55:21 · answer #2 · answered by nicol 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's got to be a lot more to it than that. And you were wrong in talking about a private problem in a public place. He probably has mental issues . Are you exacerbating them? Sometimes it takes ONE person in the right frame of mind to help bring him out of it. Why did the intimacy die? If your the sane one, try to under play your emotional turmoil and give him more support and , even if you have to fake it,try for something. We all do things we don't care to do, but if it works, you'll see the results in a short time.. Good Luck.
2007-08-25 14:16:49 · answer #3 · answered by reinformer 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
5 years is so much to walk away from. Think about how you met - write a letter telling him about how you felt then and how badly you want those feelings back. Walking through problems together is the best way to see what is wrong. Wake up tomorrow asking "how can I make this marriage better". see what you come up with. If you truly need to end this marriage it is far worse than giving it one more try...Ask him questions about where he thought the 2 of you would be right now...and if you are anywhere near it You need to tell him exactly what it is you want from him and he should do the same. i would rather someone beat the crap out of me then suffer emotional abuse, because I can heal from a beating
2007-08-25 12:47:37 · answer #4 · answered by singlegreenjeff 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Emotional abuse is still abuse! You just cant see the scars it leaves but they are there! i had a marriage just liek this one and let me tell you i didnt last as long as you i only made it three years. Heres what happened to me i woke up one day and realized i dint like who i was any more and how i felt about my self any more i was so sick and tired of being sick and tired i couldnt take it anymore. He had succeded in making me feel like i didnt desserve better and that i wouldnt make it without him. Heres the truth that i found out for my self You cant help who you love And though i will never love my ex like i once did a part of me alwyas will because he taught me something. He taught me that no matter how bad a man can make you feel You as a women are strong enough to oversome it. I left and decided to spend sometime to try and find my self who i was since i had lost so much of me in that relationship and you knwo i was happy for the first time in 3 years i found myself smiling just because i felt like it eventually i dated again and i have had a good time since i havent found my prince charming but i knwo hes out there and most importantly i know i desserve tht someone who will treat me like i desserve to be treated nto like some dog off the street. I guess what i am trying to say is honey you can make it with out him and theres no time date on relation ships theres either im happy or im not happy and you desserve to be happy so do it find what makes you happy and go for it. I iwsh you all the luck and email me if you like to let me know how you aare doign or need to talk anymore! good luck.
2007-08-25 12:48:20 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since I have only heard your side of the story, I wouldn't be able to tell you. I don't know what you might be doing to upset him. You didn't say what your issues are. You just complained about how he is treating you.
Wish I could help, but I need more information.
2007-08-25 12:44:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really feel like you have tried to make things work then what else is there. Sounds to me like you have, it is in his court now. Let him know that you will not be able to continue like this and if he wants out then that will be his chance. There is enough abuse in the world, physical and emotional. No one deserves either. I hope I helped. Good luck.
2007-08-25 12:45:56 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is as healthy as rain to rid yourself of anything that stifles you and your peace of mind. Being in a relationship with someone does not mean that you lose who you are. In fact quite the opposite should manifest itself. You should both cause the other to grow. Absent that... be FREE.
2007-08-25 12:45:30 · answer #8 · answered by yah_ra 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's sad, but I did the same thing. I left my first husband after he got sober, because I didn't fit into his equation the way he wanted. Maybe it's time for you to move on. PS we're great friends now.
2007-08-25 12:42:26 · answer #9 · answered by nursesr4evr 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
baby, you let go when you realize that no matter what you do , nothing is going to change, and that you have a better chance of finding happiness ( or even just peace) without them than with them. sounds like it is just a matter of time til you get to that place.... best wishes
2007-08-25 12:43:23 · answer #10 · answered by lily-of-the-valley 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋