Does your spouse support you financially?

Question

I quit a high pay job to be home with our child and my husband in turn took a high paying job and now supports us. I do work part time but don't make a lot of money. I wanted to take a break to spend time with child before she starts school. Now he seems to have attitude and acts as if I have to do what he says because he makes the money. He is stingy and keeps money in a personal savings while i scrape the joint account for grocery money. I supported us at one point too and NEVER acted like that. I plan on working full time again when our daughter goes to school full time. Why is he acting like this?

We discussed this plan before any thing was done too so he was in agreeance to it!

Answer 1

Yikes. Time for a sit-down with hubby. He is selfish and wants his money for himself. He is not putting his family as his priority and has his head on backwards. He has no right. Your daughter is the best investment you ever made. He needs to make sure he is fair and reasonable and stop acting like a child. He has a family now. If he wants to keep it, I suggest you two negotiate some new rules. Good luck. Stand your ground.

Answer 2

Yeah. He is not stingy, either; I guess I'm lucky. We talked about it before we married and I informed him that since I can only make enough to barely cover daycare, I would take the "stay-at-home mom" job (it IS a job) and he would have to do a 9-to-5 grind (which he hates, but he has tons of earning power) for the 4-5 years before our kids are in school. Then I'd go back to work and we could live on my income & our savings while he takes a break from work or works at home. Well, it hasn't worked out exactly that way -- we've had issues. We are both incorrigibly lazy and will let the other pick up our slack if we can, and we resent almost every little effort we have to make. But we're hanging in there. At least we understand one another, heh.

Well, to answer your real question "why is he acting like this," I bet it's because he resents your "break taking" while he does the daily grind. From his POV it looks like you have a cushy setup, kickin it at home all day, shopping, cooking, enjoying the weather, while he has only evenings and weekends to do as he pleases -- well, not even that if he's a dad. I'm not saying resentment is justified, but I'll betcha that's what's up. (And don't think I don't realize that "homemaker" is as much a daily-grind job as any paying job! It just may not appear that way to someone who has never tried to do it well!)

If I were you I would address his feelings as respectfully as I could -- really try to understand his motives, ask and don't argue -- and I'd have the talk you probably had before you married, all over again, the theoretical talk about marriage and property and sharing, and what you each think it should be like. In my opinion, when you marry someone, you become a partner in a household -- you're not any longer entitled to all the fruit of your own labor and to decide how all your time is spent. You signed up and committed to share your stuff as community property; to share part of yourself to build a new family. That's what marriage, starting a family, is really about in a way -- it's a childraising corporation. Sometimes you gotta call a board meeting and discuss fair division of labor, to make sure nobody thinks they're giving more or getting less than the other person, and compromise it out. Whatever you do, I hope you will not stew in your own resentment and not try to reach a better understanding. Good luck.

Answer 3

That's a big YES. We support each other in many ways, not just financially. We always voice our opinions, even if we yell. (vent) Why is he whining(crying about) at least you still work. I don't think he knew how hard it was going to be. Some men think us women spend to much money and they don't like that. Ask him and see what he says. What does he plan on doing with that money (savings). It shouldn't be a secret. What is he trying to accomplish? What's good for the goose is good for the gander. If you have to scrape the joint account for grocery money. Then feed him can food, it's cheap and tell him that's all you can afford. And when you get back to full time work, put money away in a savings for you and you child. I don't know what else to say. Maybe he is a selfish stingy man who can't hang and thinks he can control you with the money in hostage(savings). But I do know communication is the best advise I can give. Don't fight over money. Work it out. It's not about him or you. It's about your child. Children Come First.

Answer 4

He wanted you to stop working because he wanted you to depend soley on him. He knew that your child would be the center of your world so using him or her would do the trick. Why are you allowing him to keep his money and you are struggling. You have to think about yourself and child. Get some balls and stand on your own two feet. Stop cleaning, cooking and buying groceries. Make him earn it. You have a big problem especially when 50% of marriages end in divorce. I am a stay at home mom as well and I went to college and I have a degree in technology and I feel as though I have lost myself in the process because I have always been dependant but my husband is ok paying the bills. He pays everything two car notes, rent, etc and buys groceries and the girls clothing. It can be rough but if you want to save the marriage it is worth it.

Answer 5

I know men may not like this answer, but when a man takes a wife, he is agreeing to take care of her! There is absolutely nothing wrong with you taking a break from working to take care of your child. In fact, you are probably working harder than him, taking care of the house, the child, and working part time! This is a marriage, and he needs to share the money, especially if he has a higher paying job.

I'm sure that if you had treated him this way when you made the money, he wouldn't have liked it. Stand up for yourself and your child; tell him to be a man, get over himself, and support his family.

Answer 6

yes my husband does and always has supported me but he always brings home his paycheck and gives it to me to pay the bills and i do pay the bills. i have my own buisness now and we both bring home money and we both spend money but i still pay the bills with what he brings home to me. he has never said any thing about what i buy or dont buy and he knows i spend what i want at the grocery store the way your husband is acting is horrible very stingy and tight and i think you should talk to him about this situation you are not his dog you are only trying to be home for your child and i think thats fabulous. but if things are not going to work out for you to have the things you need then you might have to reconsider and work more so you can supply yours and your childs needs fully. that should make him feel like a real jerk i would think that he would want his wife and child to have every thing they need without any hard feelings.

Answer 7

If it is your better half, definite, Furthering practise is often an advantage interior the pastime marketplace and could pay off interior the long-term. while that's a greater robust half then helping them financially should not be a query till the better half is one that frequently does not make a contribution to the family individuals. i'm no longer asserting staying a stay at domicile mom or dad because of the fact in the event that they actually artwork to greater effective the domicile and family individuals existence then they are contributing, at the same time with cleansing domicile, taking good care of kiddos and cooking in spite of if it is in some circumstances. (i'm a housewife are you able to tell?) yet as quickly as you're married the final earnings could be shared. notwithstanding on an component observe, separate fee savings isn't a foul element. regrettably even sturdy marriages can bring about dying or different issues might upward push up which could positioned stress on marriages and that's often greater effective if there is funds you be attentive to you are able to visit if something like that befell. and of path in circumstances of divorce, notably grotesque ones, Having you or very own funds which you would be able to count on is important. My mom by no ability saved funds of her very own and while my father gambled away each thing she opened a private fee savings at a different economic employer and started saving up her very own funds to make confident my dad could no longer use it. It nonetheless did no longer keep her credit while they divorced some years later besides the undeniable fact that it helped ease the expenditures of shifting out, putting your final newborn by using extreme college and virtually beginning over. yet back to the factor If the school is gonna be constructive interior the long-term I say heck yea and notwithstanding it is different for a lot of human beings through economic circumstances that's notably elementary. some human beings nonetheless chosen besides the undeniable fact that to maintain pupil loans separate yet interior the long-term you the two finally end up identifying to purchase it in any case so there is little need. besides the undeniable fact that if that's a greater robust half, you may could choose it on relationship status. Is it for confident long term or is there a danger of wreck up interior the instant destiny? that's a super investment.

Answer 8

Have you spent money that he doesn't know about? Is he suspicious of your spending - questioning it? There may be an underlying reason he doesn't trust you.

You can continue to get upset about it or you can choose to do what is best for your relationship. Life is not about money - it's about relationships. If you let this ruin yours, you're ruining your child's as well.

In a humble way, prove to him you can be frugal and live within the means you're currently provided. Ask for nothing special (this is "going the extra-mile"). Be cheerful about it. Thank him for being a good provider. Try this and I know things will change, if only you can. Someone has to take the positive steps toward that change, and you will be rewarded in more ways than one for saving the relationship.

Answer 9

I am very lucky, we both work a business together. We combine our money and make mutual decisions on spending. we have a set budget for bills, car payments and the like. major purchases are discussed and we decide together whether it's affordable. There are times when one person wants say, a play station, we budget it in and the next month the other person gets something of equal value. there has to be alot of compromise and fair play in this plan, but it works for us.

Answer 10

He has likely enjoyed being the provider and feels threatened by your desire to return to work.

I am sure you are aware that money matters are often at the heart of marriage break ups. Go for counselling together, and if he won't go, go yourself because this is just the start of your future unhappiness.