I have been married to a man who seems to not want to ever be home. He tries to sell the idea that all men go out two to three times a night after work to the store, the video store, to the office, to call there mom or whatever there is always an excuse and if i say anything then he starts with how i am being unreasonable. I finally asked him how many days has he not gone out at least once. He could only come up with three total. He will even go out during a blizzard. He says he needs time to his thoughts. I said well i never have that luxery since i must take care of our 1 year old daughter. I can not come and go as I please. He tells me how i take so much for granted.. But is he not taking the ability to come and go for granted. I am tiered of feeling like home is a hit and run. Home is to eat and sleep and maybe catch a show he likes. Outside of that he would rather be somewhere else. He says i am parinoid. My perspective is wrong. That all men do this.
2007-08-25 11:55:52 · 10 answers · asked by dreamsofinsomnia 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
so my question is am i unreasonable and does every man not stay home at night. He says most go to the bar or out to work on there cars or other such things. I said i bet there are lots of men who stay home at night with there families. Am I wrong.
2007-08-25 11:56:52 · update #1
yeah well now he claims it is only 15 minutes a night twice a night but try more like 45 minutes to two hours each time and there is never a night he don't go out. Even if it was 15 minutes once a night i still don't see why he should have to go out every night.
2007-08-25 12:18:42 · update #2
Your husband has a sad set of priorities. I am sorry that you are going thru this.
You are not unreasonable. There is something going on that does not meet the eye. I think you already know that.
Your husbands selfishness can ruin the marriage, but.......BUT you have to do everything you can so improve it. You can't make him different but you can be happier. My advice is to seek out counseling for yourself that will fortify you as an individual first and being a loving wife, that can live with a child for a husband, will come easier.
Didn't someone say that life was not a bed of roses? Yeah but it sucks when it smells like sh**.
I have been in your shoes and I wish you peace in your heart.
2007-08-25 12:33:23 · answer #1 · answered by Threeicys 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How old is he?? it sounds like life is scaring him right now and the only way to deal with it is to run. Let him know that you are not a doormat that he can wipe his feet on when he feels it is necessary. Inform him that you need to be included in at least one night a week (right now). You can move that forward to more later. He is the one taking you for granted thinking that you will always be there when he gets home no matter what time that happens to be. If you have access to money then you need to start saving for a rainy day. Don't tell him that you are doing this or he will get a hold of it. Get the 2 of you into counseling to work through your issues. If things don't work out then you have the money that you saved to get out with. If things do work out then you have started a great savings plan for house improvements or things for your daughter. Good Luck
2007-08-25 12:08:53 · answer #2 · answered by firemouse23 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie I hate to say this but more than likely he is going out because he is doing something he shouldn't be doing. No your not being unreasonable, real men stay at home with their families, they're not out searching for whatever they can find out in the streets. I'm not saying that a man doesn't need time to be alone or with his friends but I am saying it shouldn't be 3,4 or 5 times a week. If he would rather be somewhere else you can do one of two things: Change yourself for him to make him and only him happy or you can ask him to make a concrete choice about where he wants to be, let him know that going out constantly is not something you signed on for and if he continues the relationship will not. If he loves you he will make a good choice, but if he loves only himself then of course it will hurt but you will get past it and you will be better for it. I'm speaking from experience. I've been married twice my first marriage was very much like what you are talking about. Never wanted to stay home, but it didn't start until after I had our first child (or maybe I didn't notice). Life may be scarring him right now but he is a man and he is supposed to be able to deal with it. My current husband doesn't go out like that he is at home with me our kids he does go out with friends occasionally but he like myself never goes overboard with it.
2007-08-25 12:13:32 · answer #3 · answered by T W 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not wrong. That validation may make you feel somewhat better, but it still doesn't address why your husband does this. Has it always been like this or did it start suddenly, like after the birth of your child, for instance? Some event triggered this for him, and it's telling of his avoidance issues, not anything tied in anyway to you. I don't have a solution for you (because there's much that's occurring that I don't understand), but pinpointing when that pattern emerged will go a long way toward isolating the root cause, and hopefully getting some much-needed answers. Good luck in this effort.
2007-08-25 12:05:13 · answer #4 · answered by Captain S 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
In a trend particular. you may now not supply up you're baby doing something, yet what you're able to do is take a seat her down and tell her the outcome of going into this 18 365 days olds motor vehicle. Like with different matters jointly with medications and alcohol. on the top of the day she'll be the only which will defy you, no count what you tell her to do. you may desire to permit her make her very own judgements, and if it quite is the incorrect decision she'll study from her mistake, and not make the comparable one two times.
2016-12-31 05:41:58 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow...I don't know exaticly what the situation is here...but think on this: Was he like this beforehand? or even have just a little bit of a "go-bug" type attitude?
Because yes it is reasonable to go out a couple of times a week for some alone time...but out all night/for any excuse nobody should be doing that!
The way I see it if he wasn't to bad before...more than likely he's dodging something at home...if that's the case try to find out and fix it.
2007-08-25 12:10:56 · answer #6 · answered by Kooter 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No you are not unreasonable,well me and my wife are a working couple so at night we have to stay at home to help the children with their homework except at the weekend we never have time to go out and when we went out we went out together,lets hope he will be more reasonable when your daughter starts her education.
2007-08-25 21:15:35 · answer #7 · answered by AFOUR 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you may have a trust issue. My husband went out a lot (hunting, paintball etc.), and when I expressed that I felt it was too much, he cut back. Try to explain that you miss him and would like to spend more time with him, but do it at a time when you are not already angry. See what response you get. Do you suspect he's cheating? If he isn't willing to at least TRY to make you happier, there is something missing. Good Luck.
2007-08-25 12:08:34 · answer #8 · answered by Heather C 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
There's lots of guys that would prefer to be at home. Looks like he's not one of them. Some people just can't stay still, they always have to be doing something.
2007-08-25 12:01:26 · answer #9 · answered by Jay 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
why cant he take you with him some times....bit suss
2007-08-25 12:25:49 · answer #10 · answered by aussiechick 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋