Angel's question:how can i possibly find love again?

Question

I have been single for 4 years about,it feels longer,i met this guy online,moved in with him a week after talking to each other and we were together for a few months but then one morning i woke up to find him dead,'adult cotdeath' it is called i think.And my soulmate got killed by joyriders and i feel cursed.The next guy i am with could end up dead too,and i have never gotten over the lose of my soulmate and i know i never will.But then,my friend here,Destroyer,he and i dated each other for a few months when we were younger,i have always liked him but i am scared of getting too close to him.We kiss and huggle all the time(huggle=cuddling/hugging,i just like using the word huggle),but another problem,he has a boyfriend and they have been going steady for a year,i really like his boyfriend and he knows how close we are,but sometimes i get jealous,but i know who Destroyer would pick if i made a scence and his boyfriend is lovely and sadly,they are so right for each other.
I hate my life.

Answer 1

I can see why, but its not hate you feel, don't get society confusing more then you already are... people these days, its ether anger with the world, or frustration with yourself. Hate is the absencents of ANY feeling, its not even an emotion, but the complete lack there of. So don't confuse yourself, you ether want change in your environment or you want change in yourself. That aside it seems that you've found alot of tragdy made worse by the lack of OTHER relationships in your life. We all loss people (I;ve lost two friends myself, no lovers thankfully yet, you poor cat) but its the relationships that remain that help us keep..... stable? At peace? Purposeful? Hard to say, but we feel we loss apart of us when someone dies but having others there means amiting that we have more to do here. That aside seems that you fast on the relationship track, which isn't a good thing to do to yourself, weather they died or not. Also realize you can't change your environment, tell you change yourself, and if you feel no need to change yourself, your stuck feeling the way you feel. Your best bet out of that catch-22 is to educate yourself more on this world, and also a better way of handling your interpersonal relationships, to often we throw ourselves at one person because of this whole romantic ideal of one person for ever person, which is unrealistic, cruel (to ALL other relationships you'll have) to yourself. We as humans have incredible large hearts, and its also very selfish to believe that only ONE person could ever love you the way you need, yea history we share with people is unique, but so is the love. So realize that you did have an INTENSE relationship with the person you call your soulmate, but your screwing yourself out of any other intense relatoinships if you don't let go of the fact that he was the ONLY one who can do that to you. Just realize that we HAVE to do better then relationships we've lost, or rather we most feel more and more intense for each proceeding relationship, or feel the burn for ether neglecting ourselves because of it, or the person we were with, such is the nature of the heart. If not you well FOREVER pine for the lost of him. When in all actuality you need to be made stronger from the experience, anything short of that is suffering. And realize that our relationships are colorful, no one is greater then another, but unqiue and individual, seeing it any other way is going to screw you. Now go forth make new relationships, and expand yourself, for we can't really control how bs this reality is, but we can make ourselves better able to handle that bs!