URGENT: Is it Domestic Violence?

Question

Yesterday, my husband and I got into a huge fight and I ended up (very mistakingly I know) spitting on him. He got out of the car in a rage, pushed me against the wal in the garage, and followed me on my way back in the house and pushed me twice again before spitting on me too. I made a comment on one of his family memeber who would have called the cops in the same situation, and this mornig he told me he wished he wouldn't have pushed me, but he "warned" me he would slap me if I ever talekd about his family again.
The argument started back later in the morning and I ended telling him I wouldn't let people take advtage of me anymore, that it had been enough. He took that for a complaint towards his family, came in the room I was, told me never to talk about his family again, and before I realized anything he slapped me. He's never done it before (in 9 years of marriage). Does it sound like an isolated act of rage, or domestic violence?

Answer 1

indeed the beginning stages of domestic abuse. get out now please. he felt bad about pushing you but it didn't stop him from slapping you. now that he can feel bad about slapping you he can look forward to punching you and then when he feels bad about punching you his next step will be to... need i say anything more?

Answer 2

Some fights do escalate to spitting and pushing. At that time it is best to walk away and cool down. The point of him following ou, pushing, and then threatening you is where the fight turned into DV. Then following through he is threatening you again so yes it is very much Domestic Violence. Dont let him beat you down. You might need to let the family know (on both sides) the situation through a letter and then leave to get away for a while. (even to a motel) Stand your ground. But make sure you communicate to as many as you can for help.

Answer 3

This I will agree is the beginning of something that you do not want in your relationship. However, why do you feel the need to disrespect his family? Also do you expect him to just smile while you are committing one of the most despicable acts by spitting on him? One form against the other, you are absolutely no better than he is. Why do I get the feeling that this is not an isolated incident? While I will agree that he has no right to lay a hand on you, I also believe that by your spitting on him in the first place is enough for him to possibly see a lawyer. I don't see much of a future between you two while you are both acting as children.

Answer 4

You have the answer to thins question already. This situation is escalating rapidly and dangerously.
Someone will get hurt. The odds are it will be you.
Call your local mental health agency and they should hook you up with someone that can help you.
Females tend to forget that a man is superior in muscle mass and equipped with that ego of egos, the male ego.
When you urge him on you are giving him justification to rally, to come out fighting. At this point it doesn't matter who's right and who is wrong and this won't be the goal of counseling. The real goal will be to get you in a safe place where you can take stock of the situation and talk with other women in the same pickle.
If I am wrong, what have you lost? If I am right then you need to get busy now. If it escalates again, do call the police and get out of there.
these situations are unpredictable and can be dangerous. Again, when the hitting starts, the next blow won't be far behind. God bless and good luck

Answer 5

Yes, on both sides. Your spitting was abusive and wrong, but it did not cause him injury and did not justify his slapping you around. His action was dangerously abusive and could have caused a great deal of harm. He's done it twice now. You didn't have to spit on him the second time, did you? He will only get worse and more violent.

Get out now. He won't get any nicer. If you have children, take them with you. Report him to the police. Don't go back.

Then you go into an anger management class so you won't be tempted to spit on anyone else.

Answer 6

How do you mistakenly "spit" on someone? Were you shouting so much that he got a bit of spittle on him? Anyway, with everything you've mentioned, as far as an example of his rage, YES!!! This is DV in all of it's ugly glory. Isolated or not, don't defend the issue, confess to it, to the authorities. In the State I live in, this would be akin to MURDER!!! They take it very seriously! Your State may also...stop egging him by bringing up his family. He's using ANY excuse to smash you again. He's got big problems and needs help. If you choose to see it through with him, that's your decision but if you've had enough, and want to leave, DON'T GIVE HIM FAIR WARNING...JUST GET OUT!!!

Answer 7

I have to tell you that you guys ( both of you ) have crossed a very fine an extremely dangerous line. You are the best judge to know if this was an isolated incident, but once you cross that line.. Do you really know that it will or will not happen again ?
*** I say my friend that you need to sit down and have a heart to heart talk then go to some therapy and work things out well. find out what is behind all this for real something is wrong, might be stress, sex life, bad communication, problems with his family members etc etc etc

Answer 8

I think you are trying to condone his behavior by telling that you spit on him, and other incidents so as to lessen what he did. While it is important for you to look at your own behavior in this situation, domestic violence is when a person uses any type of abuse be it verbal, mental or physical in order to control or intimidate another person. I am including a link to the power and control wheel. Look at all these honestly and see if you fall in this pattern. Several posters are correct, the first time is the hardest, and after that it will become easier and easier for him to do this. You do however need to look at your behavior. Your spitting and speaking ill of his family under no circumstances gives him carte blanche to hit you or abuse you in other ways.

Please contact your local dv coalition or go to www.ncadv.com (might be .org). That site can direct you to a local coalition who can help you.

Answer 9

It is domestic violence, but that doesn't mean it isn't isolated act of rage too.

You need to make sure your husband understands that this is not acceptable. Regardless of the reason, he should NEVER hit or push you. If he does it again, then it is time to go. He is going to apologize. And he will mean it and you know he will mean it because it is obvious he is sorry.

However, that - in and of itself - does not mean he won't do it again. The concern I see is that he was apologizing, and stating that he would hit you at the same time. That shows intent to harm you.

Your marriage can recover, but only with proper counseling to ensure that it isn't something that is going to happen again. He needs to learn to control his anger. It can happen.

Answer 10

It`s domestic violence , for sure , and it`ll just get easier and easier for him to do that as time goes on . You don`t say whether he uses drugs or not , but it`s usually drugs that change a person into something he`s not .

You were wrong too in spitting on him .......... very wrong ! It may have given him the idea that`s how you think of him , and that`s not easy to live with ........ believe me .

IF he`s on drugs , even if only socially , this situation will NEVER change , and it`ll go from bad to worse ! If he`s not a drug user ......................... you both may need some help .

Answer 11

if you have been married for 9 yrs and this kind of thing has never happened, it is possible he is just going through an extemely rough time or something about your marriage is changing, that kind of behavior is unacceptable no matter what he had no right to do that! men tend to be very touchy about their families, my boyfriends family treats him like dirt and when i defend him he gets more mad at me and never at them...they will always come first and it sucks! but if your husband ever does that again just leave and never forgive him becuse if does fo it again it wont be the last time! but slapping you was big mistake and maybe you should consider leaving him now...or atleast test it out, leave for a few days, see how many times he calls you and how hard he tries to find you and if he doesnt impress you with that you deserve someone better!