Marital problems,Please help I am loosing my mind?

Question

My husband doesn't touch me, kiss me or even make love to me. He snores when I try to touch him, and If I bring up the topic, he just dismisses it and tells me that he doosn't like sex. But he wasn't like this when we met, we've been married for 6 years and have 3 lovely boys for him. I have tried everything I can. I feel like divorcing him, but for the kids sake I need your help.

Answer 1

I usually don't recommend books because I hate it when people recommend them to me, but I honestly wish I could buy "Love & Respect" for every married (and engaged) person I know. So try and hear me out...

It states that a woman's driving need is to feel loved and when she feels loved she feels happy. A man's driving need is to feel respect and when he feels respected he is happy. When a woman feels unloved she acts out disrespectfully to her husband, and when a man feels disrespected he acts out unloving towards his wife and the crazy cycle begins.

If this is setting off any light bulbs for you read on...

"I wrote this book out of desperation that was turned into inspiration. As a pastor, I counseled married couples and could not solve their problems. The major problem I heard from wives was, "He doesn't love me." Wives are made to love, want to love, and expect love. Many husbands fail to deliver. But as I kept studying Scripture and counseling couples, I finally saw the other half of the equation. Husbands weren't saying it much, but they were thinking, "She doesn't respect me." Husbands are made to be respected, want respect, and expect respect. Many wives fail to deliver. The result is that five out of ten marriages land in divorce court (and that includes evangelical Christians).

As I wrestled with the problem, I finally saw a connection: without love from him, she reacts without respect; without respect from her, he reacts without love. Around and around it goes. I call it the Crazy Cycle - marital craziness that has thousands of couples in its grip."

I am not even half-ways through the book and workbook, and while my husband is not studying the material with me it has already worked miracles in my no-longer-failing marriage.

If you do believe in God I highly recommend this biblically based book. It's not a "religious freak" book or anything but it's nice to know that it is based on things in the bible and not just some theory or pop psychology book, and it's been a #1 seller for over 2 years now... it's working for thousands of couples!

Answer 2

There are many reasons that he may be doing this. Maybe he is really stressed out or even depressed. I know first hand that when a guy gets depressed, he doesn't feel like having sex. I'm not trying to be funny, but maybe he has a medical condition and can't get an erection now. Alot of thing could be wrong. Really the only way you will probably ever figure it out is if he actually tells you. I hope things work out for you.

Answer 3

I don't mean to sound rude, but I wonder if your appearance changed after the 3 kids. Many of us women gain weight after having children and it is difficult to lose it. Is there a chance that your husband is no longer sexually attracted to you because of that and rather than telling you that and hurting your feelings, he says it's HIM that doesn't like sex (thereby making it sound like a problem with him, not you)?

If that's not the case, is there a chance that your husband could be having impotence problems and doesn't want the embarrassment that inability to be aroused can bring to a man? Does he enjoy looking at sexy women on tv shows and commercials? If he does, then perhaps his sex drive is still intact, but there is something else going on. Another thought to consider, although perhaps a stretch, is the possibility that he might be gay....many gay men have married and had kids and then found they couldn't have sex anymore if they are not attracted to women.

Have you tried counseling? Would your husband be willing to go with you? If not, then I would suggest going alone. A trained counselor can help you to figure out what's going on, as well as to help you to figure out the best plan of action.

With regard to divorcing when you have kids, yes, it's tough. I've done it. In my situation, the kids were better off going through the pain of the divorce of their parents and learning to heal from that pain, in order to live in a home free of the constant conflict and tension and instability. Kids are resilient. Divorce IS hard. It DOES hurt children. Still, if handled correctly by one or both parents, they can survive it and actually be quite happy, as long as their homelife is happy. Only you can decide what is best, but I think you need to try to figure out WHY your husband acts the way he does so that you will know the best way to proceed. For all you know, your husband could have a physical problem and can't get aroused, and is just too embarrassed to bring it up. That would be really sad because there are treatments out there to help with that.

Answer 4

Been married 2 months. I'm 23.

Answer 5

Your husband is wrong to deny you sex. Even the bible says when you marry your body belongs to your spouse, but unless he commits adultery you can't divorce him. I don't think this means you couldn't seperate from him. You could try marriage counseling, he probably won't go, but you could go your self and see if you can get any professional help for this problem.

He may have a medical problem such as low testosterone levels, if he wants to keep his marriage he should consider going to the doctor to find out what the problem is. It is not natural for a man to not want sex. Don't let anyone blame you or your appearance for this problem, it belongs to your husband.

Answer 6

First ask yourself a few things like: Have I been keeping myself up-Am I presenting myself as hygienically clean?-Have I been attentive to him, our kids, our home?-Do I talk in my sleep? etc. If you're ok with these, and other self assessments you've made then perhaps you can 'wonder' if it's indeed on him. Of course lackluster sex can be easily defined as "he's turning Gay". That's not how it's usually done nor is it always the problem. Falling out of love would be my serious guess, and if you feel that is it, ask him! But whatever you ask, save the accusing tone for another time. Right now, go to him openly and be honest with him...hopefully he will reciprocate. Take it from there.

Answer 7

Well first of all you need to confront him. Ask him, what seems to be the problem? If your husband really cares for you than he should be willing to talk about this topic on an open level. Although, I don't really think that you need a divorce. unless of course he's cheating, Maybe He's tired of the same old thing it's hard to say, but. My husband and I have an eight, and one year old and sometimes we have to have quickies in our bathroom, of course it is off our bedroom. If anything I would think you would be exhausted from chasing around three boys. If worst case scenario, therapy,

Answer 8

gosh you are in a rough spot if he won't talk to you about this.....perhaps he is having a physical problem he's embarrassed to talk to you about or maybe he is depressed. Maybe you could talk with your doctor about the situation......are you two having a good relationship in areas other than sex? Are you having financial difficulties.......I wouldn't be jumping from not having sex to divorce without trying to get to the bottom of the situation....

Answer 9

Sex is a major part of a relationship. I can see how different sex drives could drive a couple to divorce.

Answer 10

Its biology. You parade a 20 yo in front of him he will get interested. He is bored. Guys need variety. Its biological. men are polygamous and women are serially monogamous. He needs a strip club, the net or a hooker and he will get interested again. Either that or he is dead and hasn't told anyone yet.