Am I jumping to conclusions?

Question

He told me that I make men this way?How can I stop men from acting this way with me.My ex husband was the same
Should I be careful? I met this guy online in June.We have been dating eachother ever since.Lately he has?
began telling me that he wants me to move to his city. We live only 30 min away from each other.I dont have my own apartment because I have to help my grandmother,she wants me here.He has been looking for apartments in his city for me.The rent is really high where he lives.Why does he want me to just pick up and move there to be with him.The only help that he has offered is to rent a car and help move my belongings from here to there.He said that I am always coming to his place and he doesnt want to come to mine because it is too far.Could he be abusive?
Is this a warning?
Should I be carefull?
Does this mean that he wants to get married?Should I be carefull?
I'm torn. I have been dating this man for about two months now.Lately he has been telling me that he wants me to go to Arizona in November to meet his family,friends,everyone.H... and I live here in California and he wants to move to New York with him next year.He asked me last weekend if I can have children.I'm a little hesitant because he has a really BADDD temper.He got mad at me and punched the wall.We went on an outing to the park. I told him that I needed to go to the bathroom.When I got back from the bathroom he showed me his camera.He had followed me and took pictures of me as I went to the bathroom aal the way until I went inside.I remember stopping to talk to a lady about her dog,he took pictures of that too.Am I jumping to conclusions or should I be careful

Answer 1

You might find your happiness lays with a sweeter tempered guy, who is not into acts of aggression against those who are weaker then they are. Don't go to the extreme and find someone you can dominate as that is not a fulfilling relationship for either of you. A little give, take, and compromise is a good thing. You are looking for a partner not a master.

He has shown by his own actions that he is temperamentally unstable. First by insisting you be under his control after only a two months, and trying to fast forward the relationship by several months if not years in one fell swoop.

Taking those creepy photographs highlights his controlling nature, and by show you what he did he's giving you a glimpse of his twisted nature and need for control.

He is systematically laying down the groundworks of fear and intimidation that he will at sometime in the future as a mental if not physical tool to break you down. You'll in essence be his "at home" punching bag for all the ills the world places on his shoulders. Your future kids may or may not be included in his cycle of violence.

From your post above you have had some experience with rageaholics. After getting out of abusive relationships a strong percentage of women and men fall right back into them thinking this time will be different when it never will be. They are in essence sending out signals that act as a magnet to these types of people, because they make excuses and overlook the bad behavior in hopes that the good things will outweigh the bad. Some even seek out such relationships with a false sense of being able to change the other person, or as a self inflicted punishment. These types are only opening themselves up to whole other kind of abuse. Same old tricks won't work or give the abuser the desired effect, so they will have to invent newer nastier ones. You have to have a strong sense of self worth and personality to back it up for and abusive partner to see you as an equal and treat you with respect.

It is a cycle that each person unconsciously places themselves into. They see the behavior and ignore or tiptoe around the relationship instead of confronting or getting out of it, before it has spiraled out of control. You should never live a life in fear of your partner, who should be a source of comfort , love, and protection. It is unsatisfying and demeaning to all you can accomplish if you only give yourself the chance.

It's good that your having a knee jerk reaction to his behavior before getting deeper into the relationship. To some degree we all have to wade through our partner's emotional baggage and help them with closure to build a strong foundation for the future, but in no way on this green earth are we put here to be physical or mental outlets for someone else's rage.

After careful calculation of what you wish to gain out of the relationship is worth the effort you put into it. Then the relationship may be worth saving. I would suggest getting him into counseling or anger management, but for how new the relationship is I think he'll only lash out at you for suggesting it.

Tell him you are flattered by his attentions and intentions, but at this time you have your own responsibilities and if he is willing to work around that and treat you with the respect you and your relationship deserves then I'd say you may have a great future. **If you decide to work it out. Nip his odd behavior in the bud. Playing into it only lets him feel he can get away with more. Standing up and letting him know how you feel on the little things will discourage him on trying to pull of bigger stuff. Definitely get to meet his family before tying yourself financially or emotionally to him any tighter. You may get a broader picture of what brush he is really painted with (if he is the saner one of the bunch or just an oddity who got messed over by others).

If he throw a fit or starts doing retaliatory things for your decision, then cut him out of your life fast. With these types of people don't just do a dump and run, for they will try and retaliate. Giving him an out that will sooth his injured pride and give him a closure that will effectively end the relationship on a positive note and and not give him reason to keep tormenting or bothering you in future. You don't want an obsessive compulsive making you a target of their frustration.

Take stock of your life and seek out the person you are truly meant to be with. I highly recommend it!

I found my perfect foil, by using life experiences in helping me recognize my perfect mate. He is a classic high intelligence type who runs hot and cold at any given moment. He can be placid when one on one, achingly sweet, kind, and giving with those in need, a funny showman in crowds, and aggressive and quick tempered when frustrated.

I on the other hand am very even tempered. I make sure his generosity doesn't turn him into a doormat, while giving him a shoulder to lean on when he is feeling wiped. I can give as good as I get when he needs to vent his frustrations or in an argumentative mood. I'm still trying to not to feel personally responsible for his sometimes embarrassing or over-the-tops "look at me" and competitive behavior at social gatherings, but I think that characteristic will mellow with age...hopefully.

Who knows what our kids will take after....that's still a little ways off.

Answer 2

Sometimes people who are older and more experienced are quicker to conceptualize the basics of a situation or problem. This talent is made up of experience and a lifetime of observation, which allows the person to make quick, intuitive judgments based on key details. If we were to carefully and methodically consider every possible option or unknown variable in any given situation, we'd never get anywhere. It is human nature to assume that systems will work in the future just as they have in the past. By using our experience to jump to conclusions, we save valuable time and energy, giving us an overall advantage as a species.

Answer 3

You're intelligent for posting this situation, of which you have covered all the pointed questions. You sound like you know somethings wrong but you need our 'divine intervention'. Read what you wrote sweetie, maybe it'll lock-in. HE'S A PSYCHO. Are you that lonely? Are you looking for sympathy from someone neutral? Run...don't walk, do not pass GO! Step off that relationship Immediately!! He's possessive, controlling, spoiled, TOO EAGER & oh yeah, BADD Temper. If I wrote this to you, what would you tell me? Would you give me a break? Well you shouldn't! You should tell me to stop being so needy and desperate that I would consider ANY of his offerings, as a gesture for love, and if I was depressed or tired of living, I wouldn't take your advice either.

Answer 4

I say trust your gut most times it will lead you in the right direction. You guys have been together for only two months, my opinion is that he is moving too fast. If you don't feel comfortable with the situation he should respect that if he really wants to be with you. Also you had a life before y'all met and you have prior commitments. As for him getting violent that is not a good sign, usually over time the person will escalate, so keep a close watch on his behavior and actions. I'm not saying that I know everything this is just my opinion, I hope I helped a little.

Answer 5

Seriously. Do you really need to ask for advice on this. You already know what you should do about this. You need to leave him. First of all he is being selfish by trying to make you move away from your grandmother. You said he already has a bad temper. Do you really want to be beat on for the rest of your life? That really should be enough to walk away right there. And him following you to the bathroom taking pictures is pretty much like him stalking you. He is messed up in the head. You need to get away from him for your own good. I wish you luck.

Answer 6

You need to be careful about anyone you meet on line. Would you walk into a dark room where you couldn't see, but yet you could discern the sound of rattlesnakes on the floor? Knowing that if you walked into the room and closed the door your life would certainly be in danger. I think it would be a good idea for you to step back into the light of day for a little while and reevaluate the situation. Before you get a snake instead of a prince.

Answer 7

Chocolate chip7, Sweety yes be very careful. I can not beleive he would want to take you away from your grandmother. Any resemblence to your x is a danger sign,you know been there done that ! Hon until I became disabled I was not aware of just how rotten people are ! I do know that being alone is hard but being involved with the wrong people is worse !

Answer 8

Listen to your gut about this guy. You really don't trust him, it's obvious, with all the "Should I be carefuls?". Seriously, do you want a guy who punches the wall when he is upset or who follows you taking pictures? He has a lot of issues and no one should go into a long term relationship with him until, he deals with those issues.
Best of luck in whatever you decide

Answer 9

Seriously. Get some counseling. The fact that you are not running away from this kind of a man says a lot about your broken personality.

Run away from him. Get some sort of counseling and in a few years when you are better mentally prepared to date, find a nice man.

Answer 10

get out now!!! I moved in with a man who had a bad temper and even married him and had his son. He almost killed he beat me and even held a gun to my head love yourself and end it go to the police get A restraining order! He is unstable and when you asked this question you already answered it all on your own. Please leave him I do not know you personally but I feel for you deeply. Good luck and I will keep you in my prayers each night

Answer 11

This guy sounds like bad news. He sounds like a control freak and if he doesnt get his way,he throws little kid tantrums. Trust your instincts here and follow them so run from this guy and dont look back. It looks like he wants you closer to him so he can control you better and thats not good. he wants you to give up your life but whats he giving up here? Time to move on before this turns into a disaster. Good luck