I'm thinking of leaving my husband of 7 years. He is an alcoholic and can be very irresponsible....?

Question

I'm trying to figure out if I will be able to make it financially alone. We have 2 kids. How much could I get in child support/ alimony?? I live in Oklahoma. Thanks.

OH..AND I DO HAVE A JOB....I'M NOT A LOSER JUST LOOKING TO FREELOAD BUT ONE INCOME IS HARD TO LIVE ON ALONE.....!

I'm just confused as to whether its worth leaving him for. He goes and drinks w/his cousins and misses work sometimes, he's now being threatened w/getting fired, and he doesn't come home for a nite or two sometimes..and leaves us here at the house. He doesn't abuse me or the kids,he's harmless but I just need to know if its worth leaving him over?? He just drinks on the weekends..so..maybe he's not an alcoholic? im confused..cuz when he's drinking,he doesnt care about anything (his family,job, health, safety,etc) help!!

Answer 1

Sorry to hear about this...But he DOES sound like an alcoholic; and alcoholics will not change unless they admit they have a problem and want to do something about it!

I'd say consider your options and leave him. Take your kids with you and go to your family. Things will be hard for a while but you can overcome this...Other women have!
I usually tell people to go to therapy or counseling ; but in situations like this one- where booze rules a man's life and affects his wife and kids- is one where I suggest leaving.

Good luck- Take care of YOURSELF and your kids...

Answer 2

There is a 12 step program for friends and loved ones of alcoholics. It’s called Al Anon. The people are there for the same reason you are, so you won’t feel judged. No one will tell you what to do, they will only share what they did and what worked and what didn’t. If someone does try to tell you what to do, you are talking to the wrong person. I learned that if I picked out an alcoholic to love once, I will keep doing it. It was a hard lesson for me, my dad is a recovering alcoholic. Without Al Anon I wouldn’t have found this awesome way of life. The 12 steps are a wonderful, freeing way to live! It can’t hurt, and it might do a lot of good. If you cannot find it in your area call AA they will know where the meetings are. You don’t even have to tell them your right name. It doesn’t matter.

Blessed Be

Answer 3

How much you get in child support depends upon his income and your's combined. As for alimony, since you are working it is very doubtful you will receive any. Most states do not award alimony unless the one spouse has been a housewife throughout the marriage and never worked, then it is only awarded temporarily until they can gain employment. So I doubt the court would determine that you deserve alimony.

Answer 4

Here is the best advice you can get: Call Alcoholics Anonymous and ask them to direct you to the nearest Ala-non meeting, it is free and they have the best help for you anywhere in this world.

A person is an alcoholic when their drinking causes problems.

You should go to Ala-non so you can learn everything you can about alcoholism and co dependency. Even if you leave your husband. Because if you don't learn about your co dependency and start to recover you will just fall in with another alcoholic in the future. So call AA today.

Answer 5

After reading your last update. Go to a counselor yourself and learn from them how to confront your husband. Perhaps he needs to just "wake up" hear that you love him (if you do) and ask him if he understands what the alcohol is doing to his life, and ask him if he wants to lose his job. Tell him how it is affecting his family and children. Find a rehab and see if he will go to a rehab. This will help him think through where he is. It sounds like you have a retrievable situation. He needs help and so do you reach out to someone who can help your family.

Please find the support you will need as you go on this journey. Prepare yourself by building a support network such as Alanon and/or a counselor.

OKLAHOMA
Local Al-Anon Information: If your city is not covered in the listings below, look for “Al-Anon” in the business white pages of your local phone directory, or call 1-888-4AL-ANON (1-888-425-2666 for meetings in the USA, Canada and Puerto Rico, Monday – Friday, 8 am – 6 pm ET).

^OKLAHOMA CITY - Al-Anon Info Serv (405-767-9071) 3801 NW 63rd Street, Edgewater Office Complex, Building #3, Suite 129, 73116, www.okcal-anon.net

^TULSA - Al-Anon Info Service of NE Oklahoma (918-627-9114, toll free 866-210-3426) 4867 S. Sheridan Ste 705, 74145 www.tulsa.org/alanon,


Identify others that will support you in this transition, family, friends, other sources of support such as women's networks.

This will prepare you for your journey. Money and resources will come to you, you just need to seek them out. It will not always be easy, but there are many people who will be there to support you if you ask.


Namaste.

Answer 6

I think that before you take any action, you need to tell your husband what you're thinking of doing (if you feel safe doing that). it might be best for you and your kids if you just move away and start a new life, it might be hard at first, but it could turn out well. I think that you should do this only as a last resort...see if rehab will do anything for him and then move from there. as far as child support goes, that might be a challenge if he's an alcoholic, you could get a job and move closer to your family, so they could help take care of your kids

Answer 7

I guess you'll have to talk to an attorney. How could we possibly know the answer to this without knowing the laws of Oklahoma or your situation, ie, do you work, how much does he make, does Oklahoma have alimony? If you are tired of the chaos and fear for your children then just go and take it as it comes.

Answer 8

I think you're making the right move by leaving. You'll be fine and won't have any trouble making it without him. Just don't let him talk you out of it ,or feel sorry for him. Remember what you have been through while he's been out for days drinking it up. Good Luck.

Answer 9

Thinking???? If he is a true alcoholic and is not making any effort to get help - GET OUT!! Seek help from family, friends, local churches, social agencies, whatever you need to do, but get your children away from him. Alcoholism tends to run in families, forget him and concentrate on protecting your children from the same fate. Now, IF he is honestly trying to get help, then stick by him for as long as you are able. If he can overcome it, he will need a loving support group and his family.

Answer 10

before you go talk to him
talk to an agency that can help
go to AA and ask them

make it work

only the very last resort is to walk.

I feel you MUST try to resolve and use all help before walking.

Look on line for AA locations near you.

go to the meeting with him. Bring the kids