Hmmmm, A poem of betrayal. Criticism welcom.?

Question

i'm done

I've taken all that I can take,
You know just what's at stake.
Left me hanging another night,
But by god, I now see the light.

I'm done with all your stories,
Just another sad, sad song.
I'll turn around, I'll not look back,
To me, a ghost is all you are.

I'm though, I'm gone, It's over,
I'm done playing your damn game.
Nothing left for me here,
If I stay, I'll go insane.

I hope you have a horrid life,
As rotten as you made mine.
Hopping bed to bed to bed,
Practicing giving head.

You took my heart and crushed it,
Now please leave me alone.
I never want to see your face,
Find someone else to throw you bones.

Answer 1

DP, you start out with aabb, then all is lost. What happened? Did you get so "into" your poem that you didn't care anymore? You write some decent poetry, but this is a rant...a poem you've written when you were angry and didn't care about writing a good poem...just about getting it out. That's fine for venting, but not too good for posting. You actually said "practicing giving head"? Are you kidding? Really...show the class I know you have...don't crawl into the gutter...you're better than that. I bet even you winced at posting that line...or at least you should have. I'd much rather see you write poetry than rant-prose like this.

nuff said

Answer 2

Just to let you know. I've confided in a few friends about my poetry, and daily I send a poem to a friend via e-mail. She's dying to tell a teacher, and she's being really supportive. Although I haven't opened to my parents yet, I've finally met sustainance.

Answer 3

betrayl and the feeling of someone letting you down, dissapointment, like those of a child, when someone breaks a promise...........ironically, I like it, it is blunt and a poem with not so poetic words. I am sorry someone made you feel that way, but that is a good poem.

Answer 4

I liked it. As I'm reading it, I feel the hatred so much that at the end I finished the poem myself by saying "Find someone else you f@#!ing whore". I feel your pain. I really liked your poem.

Answer 5

Damn!!!! This poem is harsh, a sorta poetic way to say F^&* you to that person, I think I know who.

;-)

Marilyn (The one who loves you)

Answer 6

It has a lot of emotion, it kinda makes me want to go punch someone.

Answer 7

its very good, way to get your anger out!