Do you know that marriage counseling will not save your marriage or fix your spouse?

Question

It is a waste of time and money. Check the statistics. The only way your spouse will change their behavior is if they decide to. They chose to be happy and choose to be jerks. You choose if you want to tolerate it but know that no counselor can rescue you from yourself or your crappy marriage. It is up to you. It is your life. Take control of it.

Don't assume my marriage didn't work. We have 12 years in and it is better every day, but it was when we each took responsibility and made each other our priority that we really began to shine. Who's negative?

Who said I was unhappy? I am happily married, happily pursuing a career I love, have a terrific teen and am loving my life. Where do you people bashing me even get these assumptions???!!! LOL. Jeez. Lighten up.

Answer 1

After being in an unhappy marriage most of my life, I was forced to realize that no one can change anyone. It's ultimately up to the individual. Counselors can be helpful to an extent but they too are human and often have biased opinions. You can only "fix" yourself...and if you 're truly serious, you realize it's a lifetime progression....good luck.

Answer 2

Of course it won't fix your spouse, but then again that's not what it is designed to do. You are absolutely correct that marriage counseling will not change behavior, and that it is up to the individual to effect personal change. But where you and I differ in perspective is in the belief that counseling has no value. It may well be the case that a counselor can offer a perspective to inspire a person to want to change in a way that they couldn't get from a spouse (because of ineffective arguing, or having too raw a point of view to be heard from their partner). If nothing else, a counselor may be able to get one partner or the other to realize that their spouse doesn't need to be "fixed", just listened to. That deepened perspective by itself can work wonders towards broadening a person's willingness to change.(Most people want to feel validated and appreciated, and that's nearly impossible to achieve with one person thinking the other person is "broken". That is a remarkably presumptuous position which presupposes that the other person is "whole"). Stacked up against the costs of dissolving a marriage, the legal divorce, division of assets and assessment of child support and it's a bargain at any price. Counselors don't seek to keep people who are ill-suited to each other in bad marriages; they seek instead to get people to properly assess where they really are with each other, find common ground if possible, and part with civility if it's necessary as well.

Answer 3

Conflict or anger itself does not have to cause an irreparable rift between partners. With good communication skills and a shared commitment to a marriage, even these are surmountable. How to save your marriage https://tr.im/hQEuZ

However, at that point where one partner is at the brink of abandoning the relationship, how can the remaining partner save their marriage? If you are at the point where your spouse has asked for a divorce, what can you do?

You must realize first that, you do have a choice. Often, when confronted by a crisis, we find ourselves backed into a corner thinking we have no choice in the matter. How can we change the situation when it involves another person's feelings or decisions? While we cannot, must not and in no way manipulate, blackmail or threaten our partner into changing their mind, we can actually control how we react to the situation. If anything, you must realize that you still have control over yourself. You have the opportunity to look inward and take responsibility for your own feelings and actions and even have the chance to take personal inventory of what your partner is trying to tell you. Are there points in your marriage that must be changed? If so, respond appropriately and proactively.

Answer 4

Marriage counseling isn't supposed to save the marriage, it's supposed to help the two spouses learn how to save the marriage.

You are 100% percent correct though, if either of them doesn't want to change, they won't, regardless of any therapy availabel to them.

Sorry yours didn't work.

Answer 5

I absolutely agree. I've always said you can't change people. And sadly, although they can change themselves, they rarely do. They may pretend to try to change just to appease someone who is telling them to change (such as a counselor) but deep down inside they are who they are and that's it. A counselor can only tell you how to tolerate each other better, they can't change someone to fit your liking. You better go into a relationship with your eyes wide open and make sure you really know someone, because you can't fix 'em and you can't change 'em.

Answer 6

I disagree. It works if both parties are willing to make it work. It's people with attudes like yours that doesn't work for. Sometimes couples need a unbiases thrird party to help figure out their problems.

And for your info, not very one can just "choose" to be happy. Some people need help, be it either counseling or medication.

Answer 7

but uhm doesnt the fact the you willing to go to counseling shows there is a effort? some people may still walk out and havent learned much, but at least its worth a try. sometimes people just dont match or develop in different ways.

Answer 8

Hi,
I beleive in destiny but I still think you have to fight to save your marriage. Especially if you have children. This ebook is a good resource to understand causes of your marital issues and to learn some important tips --> http://www.downloadita.it/r/rd.asp?gid=417
Bye

Answer 9

Yes i think if people they need to talk about problems they shouldn't go to a counselor they can do it theirself save money and time or just move on

Answer 10

well that's right it takes two ppl. wanting it to work not a counselor trying to fix it...if both parties are not in agreement to fix it wont get fixed...marriage takes work and both have to work to make it work not one but both...you are so right.