What do you think of my poem..?

Question

Im only 12 so I dont know anything about good rhythm. I had to write this for class, here it goes.

I am a depressed girl who hates her life
I wonder what its like to die
I hear Death, calling my name
I see life fading from the world
I want to be alone for once in my life
I am a depressed girl who hates her life

I pretend people actually care
I feel my heart breaking
I touch the sky-then sink back to reality
I worry for only myself, thats why im hated
I cry over the void in my life
I am a depressed girl who hates her life
I understand I should not be this way
I say.."Just leave me alone!"
I dream of the day this pain will end
I try to stop all the misery
I hope to be left alone
I am a depressed girl who hates her life




Thats my poem. What do you think? Star if u like it. Star if u feel bad for how terrible it was.
Before you ask, yes this is about how I feel, yes, this is what I wrote, not copied from somewhere. Please comment on how I write. Ty
♥♥♥Kim♥♥♥

Answer 1

It is very good, but a little depressing. I hope you are OK. Try to think of all the cool stuff in your life and think about how great your future will be. You're only 12! You will have a super-great life! Talk to nice adults. They will want you to be happy. You are nice. Love, Tracy

Answer 2

Kim,

Poetic writing is divided into two types. Poetry is the type which uses words that rhyme. Prose is like poetry but without the rhyming words.

I think you have written some interesting prose. Your form is good (the number of lines per stanza). Your flow is good. Your writing is clear. You let us know how you are feeling.

All of these things are signs of a good writer. Most writers are a bit depressed (at least at times). I don't think you need any deeper feelings about life. Start working toward a more positive outlook. For instance, if you're feeling isolated and that no one cares, then become your own best friend.

Answer 3

Kim, two items...one is your poem, the other is your outlook on life. Let's do your poem first. From a technical standpoint, it's not bad, except you should have added a line break after the second "I am a depressed girl" line.

You're writing in free verse, which is unrhymed poetry without a standard form. It is NOT prose because you use poetic devices such as personification (death described as if it were a living entity), which is a metaphor, and you "do" have some form to the poem's structure. One thing I noticed immediately...and it reaffirms something you said in your poem: "I worry for only myself, thats why im hated". Actually, you're not "hated", but they probably call it as they see it: you are a self-centered person who thinks only of themself..., you know, a "teenager"...welcome to the club. I said I could see this in your poem because you start every single line with "I". Did you notice that? Not most lines, every line! Well, here's a newsflash for you: the world cares about you, but not only about you. People probably care less about you because they feel you're doing enough caring about yourself. Teenagers are like this, so don't think you're alone...you are just now coming into the fact that you are alive and have independent thought. You say you want to be alone, but you actually are terrified of being left alone, and this makes you angry, angry at your parents (who might give you what you want) and angry at yourself (for saying you want what you know you don't really want, but still feeling like you do anyway). Again, this is normal. You wonder if it would be better to be dead. Here's a test: lay down on your bed and imagine worms eating through your body as it starts to turn into mush and stink to high heaven. If that seems better than taking a shower and putting on perfume, then great...otherwise, get it out of your head, because in reality there is nothing "glorious" or "peaceful" about death...it is a tragedy we all must face, but none should hasten. Every young person I've ever known or ever met has felt the way you feel...has wondered what it would be like to just end the pain and die...and the few who took their own life are now food for worms and nobody remembers their names. The rest grew out of the "angst" of being a teenager and are living healthy lives...just as you will. Meanwhile, keep both feet on the ground and understand that even grown-ups make mistakes when it comes to death and dying (Sylvia Plath?)...the problem is that there is no reboot, no do-overs and once you die you're dead...no second chances and nobody cares. You have a long life ahead of you, use it wisely. Develop your love and skills at poety and express yourself in words, not foolish deeds. Life is so prescious...to hate it is to disrespect those clinging to it right now...the cancer patients going through painful treatments just to get a few more days, weeks or months of it...stop hating it and start enjoying the fact that you "are" alive, and not only alive but able to write in English, on a computer, connected to the internet, in a country where your abilities and hardwork will result in success, and not in a country that being born a woman means a life of true hell...and you "hate" life? I'm sure there are plenty of women who would gladly trade places with you...so stop being spoiled in your new shoes and start appreciating that your parents (or parent) gave you life and a chance to enjoy what it means to be alive...and free...and write about that as well.

keep writing

Answer 4

Poems nice but kinda dark. If this is the way you truly feel maybe you should talk to someone. At your age some angst is natural. Just don't get so depressed that it affects you so negatively. I'm an old guy so I know this stuff. keep up with the poetry, you sound like you are talented.

Answer 5

You are 12? If you feel this morbidly depressed then you should talk to your parents. I think if they read this they'd be sickened and would get you some therapy. There are kids out there in this world that literally have something to be depressed about - they have no home, no food, no family. Keep that in mind. As for the poem itself, I don't really think it's a poem perse, more of a diary entry or lyrics to some song.

Answer 6

For me a poem has to have rhythm. It does not inevitably could rhyme besides the undeniable fact that it desires to hit my thoughts. i think of clarity of expression is important besides. i do no longer want to 2d guess what i'm analyzing approximately. I continually seem for what I term "poetic gem stones"interior the textual content cloth.

Answer 7

cheer uplife is all fun its upto u,

DIANA TO DI

D ‘‘Diana the queen of people’s hearts,

I In the wilderness she lies, all alone,

A At Althorp, her island of calm and peace,

N Never to be disturbed from solace at last,

A A ROYAL HIGHNESS, deserved in the past.’’


T To her a tribute this is,

O On her 10th death anniversary.

D DIANA is the soul of loneliness,

I In human memory, for ever cast.”

Answer 8

I could not understand that at the age of only 12, a girl has so bitter experiences of life,no comment for poem.