I have tried asking her to limit her time on Yahoo answers. This is really putting a strain on our marriage. What should I do?
2007-08-25 05:56:22 · 17 answers · asked by tank murdoc 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First of all, there are some people on this panel who I agree with but taking away the computer will not solve the real issues that are going on. There has to be two sides to the story. I think that pappysgotitgoin, werewolfhooker, and especially Bojamzs has a point. Maybe your wife takes care of you and your son but sometimes need time to herself. I agree that 8 hours is excessive and maybe you and her can make an agreement of some kind to reduce the time she stays on the computer.
Maybe your wife also feels neglected to the point where people on here appreciate her more and what she has to say to help them. She wants to feel important and needed, not just to do your laundry, cooking, cleaning, sweeping, moping and taking care of her son while you are away. I'm pretty sure that she loves you both so much and needs to feel the same amount of love in return. I'm guessing that she use to be an upbeat person who loved to go out with you and loved to do a lot of things with you, and somewhere between having your first baby and taking on the duties of being a faithful wife and new mother lost the most important thing along the way... Maybe try to appreciate her more and tell her. It is never too late. It takes two to make a marriage work. She needs as much as love as you do. If she spends as much as time on this computer as you say she does, then maybe you don't take her out much... (Could there be issues of not having the funds to do things that you use to do together?)
Get to the root of the problem.
Removing the computer like I said before will not solve your problems. She will just find another outlet to take up her time. I have to admit, c stinkerbell6969 has also made a point! -Things could be a lot worse. She could be out on the street, drinking, doing drugs, hanging out with other men or bad female influences. -She is at home safe with you and your precious son, being a better wife to you than most.
I will say a prayer to the Lord in hopes that we can work out our issues and get back to where we use to be. I love you and our son so much and it hurt me to have read this but this is what I needed to see to realize that I am not the only one that feels neglected. I'm so sorry.
-I love you Darling!!!
XOXOXO
2007-08-25 10:20:31 · answer #1 · answered by †Evonne† 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk the issue, not the action.
Yahoo answers is not the problem. She is self-absorbed, withdrawn from her family, and escaping from you. Why?
How can you help meet her needs and get yours and your son's met?
Not feeling like you and your son are a priority to her is a problem. Does she love you? Let her know you miss her and need a partner in this marriage. If you wanted to live your life single, you wouldn't have partnered up with her.
You feel rejected and neglected and so does your son. Correct? Say it. Start planning things for you all to do and let her know. Invite her into real life with you. Make your marriage what you want it to be. Be the man she runs to instead of away from. Is she your best friend? Are you hers? What do you guys do to make the other one feel loved, appreciated, admired, and respected?
Ask her why she is avoiding you and what would make her want to be with you.
The real problem is not yahoo answers. Find out what it really is and negotiate a solution.
You are her best friend, right? Show her that and figure out what she is avoiding. You cannot control her or what she is doing, but you sure can express how what she is doing affects you and how it feels and ask her to come back to the man she loves because you miss her. Sit down and brainstorm some ways to recharge your relationship and your family life. Be a team.
If that doesn't work, then you are stuck and will have to limit the negative impact her ignoring you could have. You will have to make yourself and your son your priority and get busy living life off the net with or without the wife. She chooses what she wants to do. Hopefully she will choose to step up before she loses her family.
I am sorry. Your question is heartfelt and one I am thinking about. When my husband did the same thing, he was miserable in the marriage, was not getting his needs met, and thought he'd find some happiness outside the marriage. He was a sinking ship and had no idea how to rescue himself. I threw him a life raft. He had to make a decision to either go off to fantasy land or to make his family his priority. I can't control him but I am sure not living single in my marriage.
Sounds like she is soon to be in the same boat. Throw her a line.
2007-08-25 06:12:49 · answer #2 · answered by whereRyou? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I myself have found this site to be quite addicting at times and my guess is that your wife is feeling this as well. Try to get her out of the house a little more often. Away from the computer and all of the problems and head games people are plagued with on here that seem to suck a person in. I agree that spending some time here allows a person to feel involved in some manner, but too much time spent here is a worthless waste of time in my opinion. I personally am limiting my time here to pass unused time only at this time and would advise her to do the same.
2007-08-25 06:06:08 · answer #3 · answered by pappysgotitgoinon 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Trust me this can be totally addicting! I use to spend hours on here now just a couple a day! But some days you just cant stop!!!!! Think of it this way: she could have alot worse habits! She could be a druggie or an alcholic- she could be out with friends or other guys- but nope safe at home with yahoo answers! Tell her how u feel! Walk naked in front of the computer! If that doesnt tell her something nothing will!!!!!
2007-08-25 06:36:24 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
honey is that you? Seriously sir, that is extreme, though I totally understand her need to be here, because she must feel she has a lot to contribute to people who, in turn, need her. Her rightful place is taking care of home first & I'm sure she feels that she's got that covered. She's expressing herself & it's only therapeutic...possibly for self gratification or growth. Don't come down on her too hard because that may KEEP HER AWAY. Be as understanding as you can of her hobby. It's safe and it keeps her home. Send her an anonymous letter, see how she answers it (which can be enlightening for you). Then reveal yourself to her. Perhaps she'll see things differently. Best Regards.
2007-08-25 06:23:29 · answer #5 · answered by Chili 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get involved with what she is doing. This will make her feel that you are interested in the things she does. Both of you need to be interested in each others ideas. Also, both of you need to ask God for help.
2007-08-25 06:36:28 · answer #6 · answered by Carol G 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is not good. I am only on yahoo answers when my hubby is at work or sleeping. When he is home I would rather spend time with him. Talk to your wife..she is being unfair to you and your son.
2007-08-25 05:59:56 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I guess you start spending all your time on YA too?? LOL, just kidding. Your wife has an obsession and you need to help her stop, its unhealthy. Sit her down, face to face and tell her how serious it is and that its jeopardizing the quality of life for you and your son, she needs to review her priorities.
2007-08-25 06:04:42 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm only doing this inbetween school work (have to take short breaks) but if hubby and the kids are around I'm not here.
It sounds like she addicted... Pull the plug!
2007-08-25 06:12:29 · answer #9 · answered by Spring 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hide the CPU. Or remove the modem, until you get her full attention.
2007-08-25 06:04:38 · answer #10 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋