What is gong on w/ my Husband?

Question

He works out of town and stays there and comes home every 11 days for 4 days. I have always been suspicious of who he is around and what he does while there, and we've had many arguements over it. I would nag and b**** all the time.
Two yrs ago, while we were talking on the phone, I did my usual nagging and he said, i'm thinking divorce, I think I like being alone, and I want to be selfish and buy and have things I want. I asked if he still loved me and he said I don't know. Anyway, for about 3 or 4 months after that conversation he would still call every evening and come home as usual, BUT he didn't talk and wouldn't look at me. He didn't mention divorce again though. I simply made myself do a complete turn around and stopped nagging and suspicious attitude hoping he would love me again. He slowly came around and wants me to go everywhere w/him again and says I love you all the time again. Doesn't feel like he means it thought. He is still pretty distant. What could be going on?

I'm not trying to defend myself, but I have asked him numerous times to come closer to home for work. He won't bc he makes excellent $$ where he is. Also, he doesn't like the kids and me to stay w/him bc he says he just wants peace and quiet after working 11 hr days and sometimes he likes to go to sleep very early and can't w/us there.

Answer 1

This is a man who is very thankful his kind wife is back and the shrew is gone.

Answer 2

No offense but you kind of got on my nerves with this story. I feel sorry for the guy. It is obvisiously your nagging and when you stopped he noticed and started appreciated you again and yet, you still are not happy. Maybe you should let him go so you can discover what type of person you want and need. Yes, I know that if my husband travel so much for work than I would get upset too, but I wouldn't nag him because I wanted him home and not traveling. I would speak my mind and say I don't like how you travel so much. I need you home. I want you home. Then you guys should compromise - for example, go with him when he travels once in a while. That'll ease your mind. Guys don't like nagging. Girls don't like nagging so why would you nag? I am not trying to sound rude or anything but guys are pretty simple to understand and if you've been on Yahoo! Answers before this question then you would have seen men asking question about why does my wife nag me so much, blah, blah, blah. Ya know what I mean. Good luck to you guys and I hope you can work through it.

Answer 3

I have trust issues too and I get suspicious but I know where my issues come from in my past. I honestly think that your being suspicious and nagging him constantly while he was working (and you didn't say you ever had a genuine reason to get this way; that you have proof he's been unfaithful) was breaking him down emotionally and mentally and he just got to a point two years ago where he just couldn't take it anymore. You said you did a turn around and are no longer nagging him. Thus, you have been seeing an improvement in his behavior. I suggest giving your husband the benefit of the doubt, continue to trust him and give him positive attention/reinforcement. Marriage counseling could be an option, the two of you sitting down at your home discussing things...are two good options. Hope this helps alittle.

Answer 4

Wow, that is really fishy. My husband has business trips (he's on one right now, hence why I'm on this site), but never like that--that's absurd. Also whenever my husband goes on business he calls every day, always brings back gifts from wherever he goes and sometimes pictures if the location is exotic and he has a bit of time for sightseeing. If your husband doesn't have proof what he's doing for so long and is secretive...it sounds weird. Maybe suggest that he take you with him a few times, just so you guys can be together?

I would also encourage him to get a new job where he doesn't have to be away over 50% of the time. If he's very against the idea, there's something wrong in my opinion...

Answer 5

If my husband was constantly accusing me of doing things that I wasn't doing, I would be furious and would probably consider divorce, or whatever it took to distance myself from the nagging and bitchiness.

Think of nagging as poking someone in the eye repeatedly. It's annoying, to say the least. However, I do understand how difficult to trust a husband if he is gone so much. But, if he has never given you a reason to distrust him, your attitude would push him away.

What I think is going on is that your nagging and bitchin at him pushed him away. He is slowly being drawn back to you by your loving attitude. You stopped accusing him so he is beginning to feel comfortable around you again.

You are a winner! You got him back! Keep being loving, patient, kind, and gentle with him. Then, he'll feel no need to get his affections elsewhere.

Answer 6

I think he probably cheated on you during this time and now feels guilty about it, thus the being distant.

If you think you can handle it - I'd suggest a "sit down" with him and have a heart to heart. Do not throw blame around or anything like that. Just tell him that you love him, that you know you guys have had some rough times in the past and that you want to let it be in the past and start over. No confessions needed or wanted. Just the promise to move forward and make the FUTURE with each other to be the best for you guys. It may require you guys taking a hard look at where you're at (financial/emotional/ professionally) and where you want to be in the future. How do you get there together?

Good luck.

Answer 7

Sounds like divorce is still on his mind. I bet if you mentioned that you wanted a divorce, he wouldn't fight you at all.

You shouldn't have been nagging him so much but for him to respond in such a huge manner as to suggest divorce shows that he feels guilty about something and would resort to threatening you rather than admit it.

If you don't like him being gone so much, tell him to change jobs.

Answer 8

I bet you those 11 days are the best of his life. Why don't you get a job at Walmart or go back to school and get your GED, it will give you something to do other than nag your husband!

Answer 9

Well, sorry to say that MOST men are cheating pigs but it's true. I travel for my job and hear how the men talk to their wives, but they still try to screw every woman in sight. Men are weak and alot of women take advantage of that. You have to decide what you will do if you find out he is cheating (or whatever else you think he may be doing). If you're not going to leave him regardless of what he's doing, just let it go and stop thinking about it.

Answer 10

If he wants you to go everywhere with him now, apparently he has nothing to hide. If he's saying "I love you", and is your husband, I'm sure he means it. It sounds like you are a bit paranoid, and you should probably just talk about the way you feel with your husband. That will probably clear everything up.

Answer 11

obviously this own of town job is doing no justice to your relationship, you need to talk to him properly and see where you two are headed as a couple and whether your meant to be. communication is the key but love is not suspicious, jealous or hateful. you should learn to trust him. this is what we would call a long distance relationship - how long do you think you could cope with him being away?