Back you call me
Sickening sweet words.
The honey that pours out of that
Tiger’s eye.
That which paralyses me so.
Through my skin you ooze
Towards my heart
In my veins you seep
Around my body
Right around
Through me
Though I do not
Expect you to linger.
You never do
And I have learnt
To never long for
All of you
2007-08-25 05:01:54 · 8 answers · asked by ambience212 3 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
haha unholeycricket! im Australian
and we say 'learnt" colloquially
2007-08-26 02:14:22 · update #1
It's okay, it could use a little editing, but it's not bad. This is how I'd edit it:
Back you call me with
Sticky-sweet words.
Honey pours out
Of that Tiger’s eye
Which paralyses me so.
Through my skin you ooze
Towards my heart
Into my veins you seep
Around my body
Right round through me
Though I do not
Expect you to linger
You never, ever do
And I have learnt to never
Long for all of you
...only suggestions
keep writing
2007-08-26 13:38:06 · answer #1 · answered by Kevin S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very good. Two things. #1, What is LEARNT? #2, Don't need the "sickning or honey". Find other words.
2007-08-25 05:19:26 · answer #2 · answered by Eula 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The poem is great. It expresses a lot. And I really like the first stanza. You have written it very well!
2007-08-25 05:36:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is pretty good but even poetic license will not excuse the word learnt
2007-08-25 05:07:47 · answer #4 · answered by unholycricket 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Thats a good poem, it shows the meaning, eays to understand, etc..
2007-08-25 05:10:57 · answer #5 · answered by NeeNa N 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very good
2007-08-25 05:06:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's good.
2007-08-25 07:05:05 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i like it a lot... if you wrote it, congratulations
2007-08-25 05:06:23 · answer #8 · answered by nothing 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋