I've been married for 6 years, we have always been best friends, but we were never balanced sexually. Once a month was fine for her and once a day isn't enough for me. After about a year of things going sour, she told me she wanted a divorce (right after I got news of being laid off).
We got seperated with a seperation agreement, but since neither of us could afford to move out, we split up the house and live in seperate parts. We still get along very well, we're still best friends, but now she wants to tear up the agreement and get back together.
The problem is I don't know if I can ever feel attracted to her again. I've been trying so hard and it's just not coming back.
While we were seperated I met a woman who has made me feel alive again, but is that real?
I don't know what to do.
2007-08-25 04:36:07 · 15 answers · asked by the_masao 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Only you can answer this question. Maybe you should try marriage counseling and see if you can work out your differences. Also, you have to decide if you can work out your sex issues....
2007-08-25 04:40:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You make a decision like that only according to how you feel.
Well you obviously know how you feel. You're no longer attracted to your wife. You can't try hard to get that feeling back. It's not a job.
The woman you met is definitely real. This might be the one you fall in love with. It all depends on how you feel, but don't jump into that relationship.
If you decide to leave your wife, then just be yourself and date the woman you met for a while. Just enjoy life as free as a bird. That's when you'll know exactly what and who you want in life.
2007-08-25 11:55:03 · answer #2 · answered by Very Honest 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If I were you, I'd keep the legal separation, not tear it up, and take my time seeing what I want to do. If you two have no children and are not matched sexually it is probably best for you to just take the time and see what happens. Since you are attracted to someone else, time will tell whether this new woman will continue to make you feel alive. Go slow, be honest and time will let you know what you really want.
2007-08-25 11:48:57 · answer #3 · answered by pattimaris1675@sbcglobal.net 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She only wants you back because you met someone new. As long as there is another person involved you won't really try to fix your marriage. It's your decision.It sounds like you're better off not being with her. I don't know how she could tell you she wanted to separate right after you got laid off. That was not the time. By the way, how long have you been separated?
2007-08-25 11:46:51 · answer #4 · answered by mamabear 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you should get back together.
She wants you back for a reason. Maybe she couldn't find a wall to lean on this time. She might have thought she could find a better man so she filed a divorce but didn't find one or nobody found her. Once a month should tell you something. She likes you as a friend but not sexually.
2007-08-25 11:42:00 · answer #5 · answered by mcw 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It's your wife, if you love her, you'd try to get things back on track.. That other woman whom who met doesn't know you half the things about you as good as your wife of 6 years would..
She makes you feel alive again but after a while she can make you feel just as before.. People change, you just don't know or think they will..
2007-08-25 11:44:27 · answer #6 · answered by hottie7 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You shouldn't get back into it without some tools and direction... otherwise the same old problems will resurface. The BIGGEST issue between my husband I WAS our sex life. Once a month is all I could give my husband and once a day wasn't enough for him. This really amazing book came into my life and I skipped ahead many chapters to the one that specifically talks about sexual problems within marriage. I learned where my husband was coming from and was able to realize just how damaging to the entire marriage it was to withhold sex from my husband even though it WAS basically repulsing me to give it to him because I felt that MY needs weren't being met. I realized finally that I had to meet his needs in order to get what I needed... and it's been working.
I usually don't recommend books because I hate it when people recommend them to me, but I honestly wish I could buy "Love & Respect" for every married (and engaged) person I know. So try and hear me out...
It states that a woman's driving need is to feel loved and when she feels loved she feels happy. A man's driving need is to feel respect and when he feels respected he is happy. When a woman feels unloved she acts out disrespectfully to her husband, and when a man feels disrespected he acts out unloving towards his wife and the crazy cycle begins.
If this is setting off any light bulbs for you read on...
"I wrote this book out of desperation that was turned into inspiration. As a pastor, I counseled married couples and could not solve their problems. The major problem I heard from wives was, "He doesn't love me." Wives are made to love, want to love, and expect love. Many husbands fail to deliver. But as I kept studying Scripture and counseling couples, I finally saw the other half of the equation. Husbands weren't saying it much, but they were thinking, "She doesn't respect me." Husbands are made to be respected, want respect, and expect respect. Many wives fail to deliver. The result is that five out of ten marriages land in divorce court (and that includes evangelical Christians).
As I wrestled with the problem, I finally saw a connection: without love from him, she reacts without respect; without respect from her, he reacts without love. Around and around it goes. I call it the Crazy Cycle - marital craziness that has thousands of couples in its grip."
I am not even half-ways through the book and workbook, and while my husband is not studying the material with me it has already worked miracles in my no-longer-failing marriage.
If you do believe in God I highly recommend this biblically based book. It's not a "religious freak" book or anything but it's nice to know that it is based on things in the bible and not just some theory or pop psychology book, and it's been a #1 seller for over 2 years now... it's working for thousands of couples!
2007-08-27 10:50:40 · answer #7 · answered by THATgirl 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sell the house and move on . you two can afford not to sell the house and with the profit you each take half the money and go your seperate ways. good luck .
2007-08-25 11:40:49 · answer #8 · answered by Kate T. 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She knew what she had and she willingly walked away from it. If you want to go back, you will be going back to what you left behind. If that wasn't what you wanted, then move on. I'm assuming there are no children involved.
2007-08-25 11:40:06 · answer #9 · answered by Sassie 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No you shouldn't get back with her. It seams that you are no longer atractted to her emotionally or sexually. You should tell her that it was her decision to get separated and that you already met someone else.
2007-08-25 11:49:02 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋