men and women: what is your opinion regarding what a marriage should be?

Question

I am a psych major, and was told be my prof to read "The proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" by Dr. Laura and write a paper on it...to those that have not read it, basically the author believes that men are easy to please and that we as women have neglected our men by not respecting them, ignoring them, placing our careers before family, etc... and that we have to cater to our men (cook, clean, sex anytime, compliment, etc)> a lot of people believe this is prehistoric nonsense and that the womens lib movement was the best thing for us... other people completely agree with dr. laura's views. what do you guys think?

I'm split on the issue... i believe that there is a lot of divorce and that can be attributed to a lot of things, due to people's behaviors.. I havent read the whole book yet, but what i get from it so far is that women are neglectful, and thats why men are so unhappy in marriage. I think that we (men AND women) need to modify what we consider as our priorities and put our marriages/relationships first. BUT i DONT think that women should do all the housework, and have sex whenever he wants to because its like we are giving more than the men are. we've discussed the book at length in class and the girls seem to HATE dr. laura while the guys think she's awesome. i also thought it was weird that this book was part of the curriculum, but i think the prof is looking more at how we articulate our thoughts than what our opinions are... if that makes sense

LMAO @ bojams

great answers people

Answer 1

It might seem old fashioned, but it's the only one that works.
When the couple falls in love, while dating for years, now knowing eachother inside and out, mentally, emotionally and physically and then realize they could never be apart, that's when should get married. That's when they easily make that commitment. After at least a year together after marriage, that's when they should begin having children. When it's true love, they will do anything to make eachother happy, not themselves. That's the way you should get married, because it will only become stronger and their love for eachother will grow naturally.

Today, so many couples get married for all the wrong reasons. Some get married, because they think they're in love, or because she's pregnant, way too young, or because they want more money, or because they want a place to live, or because they're getting old! They don't even know what love is and they certainly don't know what marriage is. They are very selfish and only thinking of themselves. Well, selfish people should be alone. That marriage will always end in divorce.

That marriage is ruining this world, because of what they're doing to the children. They don't know what love and marriage is, because that's the way they were raised. Watching these idiots cheating, or obsessed with their careers, or constantly fighting and abusing eachother, etc.

Not alot of marriages just show love to their spouse and children and do whatever they could do to make them happy. It's really sad and sick too.

Answer 2

It's not question of women's lib or emancipation. It is a question of sharing and caring. In fact, pre- historic women spoilt men by not letting them do any thing. Even now many mothers will not allow their sons to go to the kitchen. So, when such a man marries he expects his wife to be almost like his mum. The wife is expected to be servile to him.

Every woman must have a career because she should know her identity and worth.When she gets married she and her husband should share part of their housework in building the 'home'.
A working woman should not ignore the husband and vice-versa. Probably many career women neglect their husbands as result of being dominated upon. Surely, a man cannot expect a working wife to do all housework + take care of the kids. He also has a role to play and cannot simply pass the bucket by giving some lame excuses. The sharing ratio may not be 50-50 but neither should it be 30-70.

The question of 'pleasing' should not arise.It sounds very superficial. Why should a woman try to please her husband? It means that she is doing something without emotion!
All of us have our shortcomings. We can at least try to come to some sort of understanding if we want to build our 'happy home'. And if we fail to do so, we should not live just for the sake of pleasing!

Answer 3

I think that you are overstating dr. Laura's argument. Further if you look at Dr. Laura's own career you will find that she does not practice what you claim she preaches. You have put up the feminist re statement of Dr. Laura's position. Personally I think marriage only works where both seek to take care of the needs of the other. When it becomes a battle for "my needs" then the choice was wrong. Respect for the other and the other's needs is an important counter balance to today's "me" philosophy. Dr. Laura frequently takes rather strong views trying to counter "me ism" and while I may disagree with her on specifics, I think the trend she is attempting to counter is more problematic than the solutions she sometimes offers. In reality both men and women take better care of their partner's needs when their own needs are being met. If you have a cycle where both are focussing on their own needs you need to break it somewhere. Some forms of feminism are no better than the prehistoric male chauvenism. Egalitarianism does not mean me first ism. And one strategy for ensuring you get your needs filled is to go out of your way to fill the needs of your partner. Indeed, the ideal relationship is one where the man seeks to fulfill the female's needs and the female seeks to fulfill the man's needs. Only then are both completely fulfilled. But it is doubly important to find such a relationship that you seek a partner whose needs are compatible with yours.

Answer 4

I personally think that every couple is different, but I would definitely not agree with the statement of 'women neglecting men'. In my marriage, my husband cooks every day, does most of the washing... we tend to both do the cleaning, although I do more of the tidying and all of the shopping. I'm very happy for it to be like this, although a lot of my friends say how lucky I am, leading me to believe that this certainly isn't the norm! I go out to work, but plan on stopping when we have children. However, I would also be happy for my husband to stop working and stay at home with them. It is up to the individual couple of course, and they should take on whatever roles they are happy with, regardless of what society says or the norm is.

Answer 5

Dr. Laura shouldn't talk about the "proper" care of a husband and about women NOT putting careers before family.

Why do I say this? Simple, who takes care of HER husband while she is writing books, doing her radio show, doing lectures, etc?
See my point? She talks a good talk but she sure as hell doesn't walk the walk.

And I'm sorry but I do agree that men are easy to please and that there are many women that don't respect their husbands but by respect I don't mean cater to their every whim. I mean that while I'm not working 5 out of 7 nights I do have dinner ready when he comes home. But when I worked we split who did dinner what nights.

Answer 6

Marriage is an equal partnership. It shouldn't matter who goes to work and brings home the money. Both partners share in the responsibility of maintaining a harmonious balance in the relationship. Catering to our men is okay to a certain degree. However, the women need to be catered to, as well. It's a 50/50 give and take. Basically, men and women are equally easy to please. You just need to figure out what pleases and what doesn't. The person who does ALL the catering to their partner will eventually feel neglected and cheated. The relationship should be shared equally.

Answer 7

Cook, clean and sex any time? Of course that is prehistoric nonesense!! As if men cannot cook or clean themselves, especially these days when many are marrying later and many men are living on their own as bachelors cooking and cleaning for themselves and as if women do not have sexual needs or needs, not just desires, but needs to be outside of the home and working towards a better society.

Our culture is changing. The role of father and mother are changing. Of course, there will be resistance and backlash and even as a child I thought Dr. Laura was bunk. She's nearly as bad as those advice columnists!

My mother makes three times the income as my father, nearly 200 thousand per year. My father as a BA while my mother has a Phd. Are you saying that my mother should have wasted away in the home? She did her post graduate studies while working full time and taking care of her children. I learned independence, self confidence and social responsiblity from this. Children of stay at home mom's learn what? How to bleach their shirts the whitest or ironing?? Oh please!

Answer 8

that book should be burned! A marriage should be 50/50. Most women no longer stay home all day and bake cookies!! Life is very stressful and its hard to not neglect your spouse with all the pressures. When the burden is placed on the male or female in the relationship resentment starts and that is the beginning of the breakdown of the marriage. There is often a lack of communication and certain expectations that are not realistic. A marriage is a partnership.

Answer 9

Point #1: Your psych major professor is a spoof!
Point#2: Marriage can take two paths; a great time with your life soulmate, (specially when your first child arrives or if you adopt) or it can be hell, ending in divorce.
Point #3: The important thing to remember is how you feel about the marriage.....don't let fools influence the way you live your life and run your marriage. Good Luck!

Answer 10

marriage is a two-way street, and that does not involve one party catering to the other as though the relationship isn't 50/50. yes, there are many compromises that need to be made in marriage, from both sides, so every "catering" should be met by equal catering from the other side. if someone prefers a servant, they should put an ad in the paper and hire one.