My friend kept on giving me books as presents, but always read them first, what can I do?

Question

My friend gives me books as presents, but he always reads them first. He obviously doesn't think its at all wrong. Last time I did it I said to him, sarcastically, "Thanks, but rather than getting a new book, reading it then giving it to me, why not just by second hand books since one person reading my book is the same as two or three". The latest book he gave me was a library second with the sticker peeled off the spine. It was to be the last in a set that I paid $20 for every other book new for, so I just went and bought the last book myself but read the library one so I need not damage the spine of the new one.

How do I tactfully tell this guy that I want new presents or none at all. TACTFULLY.

OK, let's give you a further context.

My friend and I both earn six figures.

My last gift to him was a trip overseas.

My last gift from him was a copy of the Da Vinci Code which he had already read - and I'm Catholic.

My issue isn't about second hand gifts - they can be thoughtful. My issue is about the fact that I don't get to be the first to enjoy something he buys as new, apparently for me. I've never once disallowed him to borrow anything or even keep things from my home - to my mind I'd like to be the first to enjoy my gift THEN lend it to him.

Now I asked for a TACTFUL way to couch this idea to my friend and many of the answers so far have been rude.

To those people I say: I would gladly give you the food out of my own mouth and the clothes off my back. But please stay out of my fridge and wardrobe since you thinks seconds is OK.

And yes, I would rather get nothing than always getting a gift thats robbed of its virginity.

Answer 1

there is no "tactful" way to tell someone that the present they got for you is not good enough.

there are readers, and there are book collectors. You are a collector, your friend is a reader.

readers just want the story...collectors are fussy about the book itself. get your own special books. and be kind to your friend, who thinks he is doing something for you.

Answer 2

Ok. I am no good at tact, but I will try to be considerate. My mother taught me when I was young that if someone gave me a present I was to accept it and say thank you. What I did with it after that was up to me. I think is true in your case. You may not think that these gifts are good enough for you or they may be something you dont want or need but the nice and considerate thing to do is take it and thank your friend. Now having said that I will say this. I buy people books as present with the intention of borrowing them from them one day. Now I dont read them first but I still think books are meant to be shared so in this case maybe just be thankful you have the same taste in books. It'll save you a lot of money.

Answer 3

Its kind of rude to read it before, but a book is a book. You're supposed to share the book with everyone, so my mom told me when I was little and didnt want to lend one to my friend. Next time go shopping at the place where they sell used books and pick one out that you would like to read. If you read a brand new book once, then it sits there. If you read a used book once, at least it was read before. Its not like its clothes or something, that might be an issue, unless its a hand me down.

Answer 4

My goodness you sound terribly ungrateful and rude. If I were your friend I'd drop you like a bad habit. A book is a book whether it's new or used. Stop being such a jerk and be thankful for the presents he gives you. At least he's not giving you smelly pairs of old shoes.

You're the type of friend I AVOID and drop, seriously. I don't care if my presents are brand new or slightly used. If it's from the heart, then all that matters is that it's that it's the thought that counts.

Just smile, say thank you, and enjoy the book.

Answer 5

I don't think you're being "spoiled and ungrateful."
If these gifts are important gifts, like for a birthday or Christmas present, then your friend shouldn't be reading them. Otherwise he's making it a gift for himself AND you, which is pretty rude on his part.
Tactfully, you should probably just accept the gifts with a thank-you. It's nice that he's sharing books with you, even if he doesn't realize how you see the gift-giving. You can always roll your eyes later.

Answer 6

Buy him a book and say I wanted to read this book myself so I purchased two copies one for me and one for you. If that does not work, just gracefully accept the book. If you don't want it donate it to the Library, a nursing home, or what ever, and go buy your own copy. It is the thought that counts right? It is not worth bruising a friends feelings over.

Answer 7

you are worring about having the book and reading it first so it is first hand
He is your friend so does it matter whether he reads it first or you do
Can you imagine i have read hundreds of books but from them only 5 are mine
the rest are from the library
I do not know who had read them before me but i am very thankful for them because they have returned the book.
Otherwise how can i read them?
Be content of what you have
Some ppl even do not get to read even a second hand book because they have no money even to join a library
Hope u'll fogive your friend
If you think that not reading your book so you need not damage its spine
that only shows how selfish you are
you have money to buy the book you've bought it and yet you use the library book,which is a public property
Do you know becoz of ur deed one day one person may not be able to read the book bcoz it is dameged?A person who is unable to perchase a book?
Think about others as well as about you
Good Luck!
:)

Answer 8

You don't know how lucky you are to have a friend that gives you books - you are spoiled and ungrateful. Whether the book has been read on hasn't been read, it doesn't change the contents or the thought behind it. My mom sends me books that she and my aunt have both read - I am thrilled that I don't have to go out and buy them & that she thought enough of me to send them.

Answer 9

Okay, so how spoiled can we be?? Geezzzzz, ever heard of being grateful to people for thinking of you??

You know, I think you should just tell him you want new or none at all. At which point, if he has half a brain, he'll choose none at all, because that's what you deserve.

I sure hope, at some point, you grow up and stop thinking you're the center of the universe.

Answer 10

Uh... Wow... That sounded bratty to me and I'm the most spoiled person I know. I guess I just met someone that was even more spoiled.