I have become engaged to my wonderful boyfriend just last week.We are both 29. I am a virgin and he has past relationships but I accepted that. I am quite a moderate conservative and he grew up in a liberal environment but share the same Asian roots that's why he said he respects and understands me. I know he loves me so much. Now: When we are planning when our wedding would be, I had the impression that he wants to make sure if I was really, truly in love with him! He is very affectionate and expressive. I tell him I love him but he sounded not too convinced everytime and want me to reassure him. I felt he wanted to feel "bonded" to me in the form of sex. I want to wait until marriage but it seems that there will be no wedding date yet until we don't make love. How do I handle this? Even if I wanted to save the best for last, but thinking that we are engaged does this warrant that we can make love because we are good as married due to the commitment? Please help!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-08-25 03:04:47 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thanks to your answers guys! Very insightful. Sometimes I am just as confused because I am torn between my conviction and the 'pressure' not because of the wedding but because I am 29 and supposed to have experience on that sort of thing. And the pressure that on his last relationship he's had it with her and their 'bond' (of course based on lust) is still there. Quite unfair but I understand my fiance, I know if I'll say I want to wait before marriage he will honor that but he will be disapppointed and sometimes I feel I wanted to do it with him. I just can't imagine how to handle the guilt afterwards.. But yeah, it would be good to wait.....
2007-08-25 10:46:44 · update #1
Hun, if you've remained a virgin all this time, waiting until marriage.. I would tell him it's marriage or no sex... after all, you two could still break up and you would have given him your virginity when you had decided to save it until marriage.
There's a saying "why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free."
2007-08-25 03:09:35 · answer #1 · answered by Wildflower 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think being a virgin and waiting till the wedding night is such a special gift you can give him. I think you should wait and if he is not ok with that then perhaps he wants something different from your relationship. I think however that you can do somethings that would be good for him and not take away your actual virginity. My wife was a virgin when we got married but we did somethings prior to our wedding. But actual intercourse was not till the wedding night. Don't give it up till you are married. If he can't handle that then you might want to think about pre-marital therapy. However you should talk with him and let him know what you are feeling as you said above. You want to wait but you feel he is not quite as ok with it as he says. Being a virgin your in the minority and its a special thing that the two of you will share. My wife and I are both glad we waited. It made the first time very special knowing that I was the only guy she was with. Good Luck and congrats on the engagement!
2007-08-25 03:30:20 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
In this day and age, it really is going to be a personal call for you. Sex before marriage is incredibly honorable and admirable. You guys are engaged to be married, so if that is the case, i see no reason why you can't make love. however, please don't feel pressured to have sex just because your fiance wants to. it's YOUR choice, and if in the end, you decide to wait until your wedding night, then that is your choice, and your future husband should respect that. i hope this helps! good luck!
2016-05-17 10:45:30 · answer #3 · answered by joye 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he truly loved you, he would wait for you.
Do NOT and I repeat do NOT give into him.
Being engaged does not mean the same thing as being married. What happens if the two of you do have sex and then he dumps you? You won't have your virginity anymore.
Virginity is a precious thing. If you do have sex and then get married, your wedding night will be very disappointing. Sex will feel like sex that you've had before you got married. Your wedding night won't feel special.
If he refuses to set a date because you won't have sex with him, then you need to seriously rethink your relationship with this guy. If he is this controlling now before you get married, what is going to happen after you get married?
2007-08-25 03:20:41 · answer #4 · answered by janetrmi 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Stand by your morals. You have saved yourself for 29 years. He obviously loves all your other qualities also, he will wait. He should not pressure you to "reassure" him. He should trust that you do love him, otherwise you wouldn't have accepted his engagement. Just think if you gave into him and he kicked you to the curb before your wedding. Tell him you truly do love him with everything you have......except that.....until your wedding nite. Good luck sweetie.
2007-08-25 03:10:53 · answer #5 · answered by mowsermae 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He has been around, he is well seasoned. Dont trust him, he is not worth marrying. Get rid of him at once. He only wants to use and abuse you and then will surely discard you. Once a rolling stone always a rolling stone. He is no good, take it from me. If he really loved you he will wait for after getting married. He is only intrested in sex, thats all. SAY NO. Dump him immediately.
2007-08-25 03:12:56 · answer #6 · answered by live and let live 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk about your sex life.
You want to be a virgin when you marry. That is your choice. But are the two of you having any type of sexual intimacy? Not trying to get too personal, but have you still touched and explored each others bodies? Have you brought each other to climax?
When you do get married and have sex, what do you envision? Have you talked about the type of things that turn you on?
You shouldn't have sex unless your ready. But at 29?????
Wow. Couldn't even imagine.
2007-08-25 03:15:50 · answer #7 · answered by candy'sroom 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It is called a test drive and I think you both owe it to each other.
1. Set a date
2. get condums and personal lubricant
3. try it with an open mind
4. Not just once(first time is to pressured) Lots of times and see how you mesh.
You are 29, it is obviously up to you.
Congrats and good luck
Old Guy, Conservative, but realistic too.
2007-08-25 03:25:09 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't do it. If he truly loves you and wants to marry you, he will wait. If you do it and he changes his mind you will regret it for the rest of your life. If he proposed he should know that you want to wait until your wedding night. Don't give in now. You shouldn't have to prove your love for him. He should already know, isn't that why he proposed to you?
2007-08-25 03:14:39 · answer #9 · answered by mamabear 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stand your ground. Do not be manipulated into compromising your morals to salve his insecurity. If he won't marry you until you have sex, then I guess the marriage is off and it is a good thing. Be true to yourself. If he doesn't like it, then he is not the man you think he is.
2007-08-25 03:17:49 · answer #10 · answered by whereRyou? 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋