Married 12 years...never has been trust, intimacy, respect from my wife to me. She says she loves me. I have found another woman in last 8 months, but wondering if I should go back to my wife (she is willing to get back) and risk that she will indeed continue her old ways (which she said she would not) or move on with the new woman. the new woman and I have EVERYTHING in comman. I am thinking of moving back with wife because of the kids as well.
2007-08-25 02:43:32 · 9 answers · asked by Jason F 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If she has been that way for the last 12 years, odds are, she will be for the next 12 too. She may change for the short term, but this is part of her personality. She doesn't really know how to be different. You either except her for who she is, or you don't. The choice is yours apparently.
2007-08-25 03:27:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jason, I was married for 23 years and the last 8 years was not good.
If you are seriously considering getting back together then maybe you both should attend counseling, sometimes local churches provide it for free, and if you have an EAP program at work they pay for counseling.
If you get back together what has changed and by the way staying together for the kids does not always work. The kids today are smarter than we realize they can pick up on the little things.
I wish you the best of luck and hope that everything works out for you.
Bill
2007-08-25 10:01:09 · answer #2 · answered by will_955 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont go back to your wife. You can never change anyone's nature. She will become the same, once she will get you. And its difficult to find a good partner. So dont leave the women you are in love with. If you want to take care of your kids then you need not to necessarily stay with your wife. U can take care of your kids by getting the children's custody from court.
2007-08-25 09:57:28 · answer #3 · answered by deepa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to find the correct tools and direction to make your marriage work or the old problems will just resurface.
I usually don't recommend books because I hate it when people recommend them to me, but I honestly wish I could buy "Love & Respect" for every married (and engaged) person I know. So try and hear me out...
It states that a woman's driving need is to feel loved and when she feels loved she feels happy. A man's driving need is to feel respect and when he feels respected he is happy. When a woman feels unloved she acts out disrespectfully to her husband, and when a man feels disrespected he acts out unloving towards his wife and the crazy cycle begins.
If this is setting off any light bulbs for you read on...
"I wrote this book out of desperation that was turned into inspiration. As a pastor, I counseled married couples and could not solve their problems. The major problem I heard from wives was, "He doesn't love me." Wives are made to love, want to love, and expect love. Many husbands fail to deliver. But as I kept studying Scripture and counseling couples, I finally saw the other half of the equation. Husbands weren't saying it much, but they were thinking, "She doesn't respect me." Husbands are made to be respected, want respect, and expect respect. Many wives fail to deliver. The result is that five out of ten marriages land in divorce court (and that includes evangelical Christians).
As I wrestled with the problem, I finally saw a connection: without love from him, she reacts without respect; without respect from her, he reacts without love. Around and around it goes. I call it the Crazy Cycle - marital craziness that has thousands of couples in its grip."
I am not even half-ways through the book and workbook, and while my husband is not studying the material with me it has already worked miracles in my no-longer-failing marriage.
If you do believe in God I highly recommend this biblically based book. It's not a "religious freak" book or anything but it's nice to know that it is based on things in the bible and not just some theory or pop psychology book, and it's been a #1 seller for over 2 years now... it's working for thousands of couples!
2007-08-27 10:43:12 · answer #4 · answered by THATgirl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should never stay together b/c of your children...the children sense everything and will suffer as well!
if you want to get back with your wife let it be b/c you want to try to work things b/c you still love her. Anything is possible and people can change if they really want to and seek help.
good luck
2007-08-25 09:51:14 · answer #5 · answered by SUNSHINE 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well don't because of the kids. she will do it again i would guess you have found someone just divorce and be done you will have to support the kdis but that is expected and good luck
2007-08-28 22:52:42 · answer #6 · answered by Tsunami 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whatever you do don't go back. She will change for a short period of time, then be back to her old self. It's not worth it, this is from someone with experience.
2007-08-25 09:51:02 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
you should go back to the wife for the kids. You owe the kids to a least try one more time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-08-25 09:56:07 · answer #8 · answered by melody 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dear god, do not go back to your wife
2007-08-25 10:40:24 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋