Both my family and my ex's family are in upstate NY. I have moved to 3 different states during the 20 yr marriage in support of his career. When I finally told him I wanted a divorce, plans to move home came to a halt. He is refusing me to take the 3 kids and move to where family is. The State of Illinois , in particular, Kane County is holding us hostage.
2007-08-25 00:47:06 · 9 answers · asked by hope 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't know how it works in Kane County... but it seems to me that this is just a matter of time sorta situation.
Until your divorce is final, the county where you lived has control over it. Once papers are filed, you surrender certain things till the divorce is over. So often, people forget that divorce is a legal proceeding and once it starts, you both would have to stop it from going forward... just like if you sued someone for injury. As the person filing, you would have to say "I give up my rights to this suit".
Now... that being said....... I would suggest that you take a hard look at your divorce papers... if they are already done. EVERYTHING can be modified. If the papers are done, more than likely it'll have a section where the court has said that neither party can move the 3 children from the county of residence without giving the other party 45 days notice.... or something along those lines. Whoever has physical custody of the children is the one who decides where they live. Your ex has 45 days to file a motion to have a judge decide. IN YOUR CHILDREN'S BEST INTEREST, the judge will decide if its okay for your children to be moved from their father. Its not that you are held prisoner... you can go anything you want... but when you filed for divorce, you involved someone else in making decisions for you. It sucks, but you did what you thought was best at the time. Now you have to contend with an ex AND a judge. Your ex has the right to fight to keep his children near you.
My ex and I have that provision written into our divorce papers. Honestly, I hate living here.......... gave up a great job to be closer to my son and see him more than summers and holidays, you know? I would be perfectly happy to be back where I was living, working for a great company. But being a father... being a parent... is my priority now. Making sure my son is raised right... as only a parent can. My ex and I share 50/50 custody. But till he turns 18, neither of us can move away from the other... unless we want to give up our time with him... which neither of us wants to do.
TALK to your ex............. convince him that its better for his children to be closer to your family. If he STILL won't budge, than be prepared to discuss it with a judge. If you have physical custody, the judge will want to know why you want to move...... and your reasons can be that you have work where your moving... you'd be closer to family. Keep track of missed visits by your ex too....... if he has a pattern of not showing up when he's supposed to, that might give you some leverage.
Good luck to you
2007-08-25 02:01:39 · answer #1 · answered by Aron1968_30 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The state of Illinois is not holding you hostage just the kids, we have laws here that won't let you take the children more than 75 miles from the other parent. You are free to go where ever you wish as long as the children stay put. I know, I know, it sucks but that is what the law says. You should have left and went home, and got a divorce there, and the kids could have stayed with you. In Illinois a parent can't kidnap their own child.
2007-08-25 02:04:20 · answer #2 · answered by bluebird 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The state of Illinois and Kane county have nothing to do with this. Unless you have already legally separated through the courts and a custody agreement has been filed and approved you can do what you want. He'd have to spend tons of money on a good lawyer to get the children back to Illinois. Heck, even if you already did have a custody agreement, he'd have to spend like crazy to have it enforced in another state. I know what I'm talking about. My brother's wife fled to California with their son in the middle of their divorce. Law enforcement out there didn't do a thing. He spent two weeks trying to find someone to enforce the agreement he had in his hands! They told him he'd have to get a lawyer and file in California. Illinois, however, continued to enforce child support! That was unfair from a legal standpoint, but he wanted to take care of his child anyway.
He also didn't want to have his child's mother locked up.
Take your children and go to New York. File there. If he wants to contest he'll have to go there and pay for it.
It would be best to work this out for the children's sake, but I wanted to share that you really aren't being held hostage by the state.
2007-08-25 01:13:26 · answer #3 · answered by amazingly intelligent 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you already filed for divorce and custody. They are pending? Like it or not you need to come up with a lawyer if you don't already have one....try Land of Lincoln Legal Assistance (if you have no job and no money) and see what they have to say. I believe you will need to get the courts permission to go back to New York and still be able to come back to Illinois for the hearings otherwise...no show means YOU LOSE! If you have a temporary order stating that you have to remain in Illinois with the kids, a lawyer may be able to help you get a new temporary order if you can show cause, otherwise you risk contempt of court if you leave with the kids. If you or your husband have not already filed for divorce and custody and have no orders from court that you have to stay in ILLINOIS, then you don't have to stay....go back to New York and establish residence then file for divorce and custody...
2007-08-25 01:26:57 · answer #4 · answered by peggy m 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Rights aren't placed on the ballot for a vote. That is what Madison would call "Tyranny of the Majority." "[M]easures are too often decided, not according to the rules of justice and the rights of the minor party, but by the superior force of an interested and overbearing majority." -- James Madison
2016-05-17 10:16:45 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may not want to be married anymore but that gives you NO RIGHT to take the children and leave the state. Their dad is just as important to them as you are. They need him in their lives just as much as they need you. Grow up and realize that!
When they are all grown then you can go run off and do as you want and live where you want, but while they are children you need to keep them as close to BOTH OF YOU as you can... FOR THEIR SAKES... because it's NOT ALL ABOUT YOU ANYMORE, IT'S ABOUT YOUR KIDS AND WHAT IS BEST FOR THEM.
You and your husband are your kids family and all they need. Don't deny them both of their parents because all you want to think about is yourself.
2007-08-25 01:26:22 · answer #6 · answered by az_mommma 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know everything about this situation but you should not just be able to walk out of someones life and take thier children.
2007-08-25 01:58:05 · answer #7 · answered by Mc Fly 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to your local shelter if you have too. He can't force you to love him. He also can't force you to stay where you are at if you want to leave. Must be very uncomfortable for everyone.
2007-08-25 01:12:08 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey just pack up your stuff and go that is all you can do. you dont' have to wait. i mean hey, its ok just go and move hes not keeping you that i see. hes just said no so what go. good luck
2007-08-28 15:48:51 · answer #9 · answered by Tsunami 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋