what do i do now?

Question

i have been in a relationship for 4 years i have one son who is 6 i have been not unhappy in my relationship but not happy. i don't know weather i love my partner. recently i had a relationship with one of his friends. my partner knew about it before it happened and was ok with it but when he relized i was kind of falling for his friend he put a stop to it. i'm mad at him and sad about a loss of relationship that i had with the other guy. i know my partner loves me and i think i want to try and work it out but i don't know what to do right now?

i didn't sleep with the other guy however i did have a emotional relationship with him and i know that was wrong

i didn't have sex or any sexual contact with the other guy

Answer 1

The first thing to be done is to put all of your feelings into some sort of perspective. You didn't technically "cheat" because cheating (by definition) is sleeping with someone outside of your relationship "without your partner's knowledge" and this wasn't the case here, but you've still had to confront the backlash associated with why having someone else inside of your circle of intimacy is a bad thing....you've developed feelings for this other person, and while this is understandable, it creates confusion within your core relationship. You're angry because your partner acted to put a stop to this secondary relationship; this is also an understandable reaction, but by your own admission he loves you, so his reaction is understandable too under the circumstances. Once a couple has a 6 year old child there is a certain amount of ennui that sets in as the routine gets in the way of the excitement of romance. That wasn't a dynamic that was applicable with the other guy (which automatically gives him an edge in the appeal department). But it's reasonable to assume that if their positions were reversed you would feel roughly the same way about guy #2 as you do about guy #1, given the same circumstances. The thing is, you've had enough confidence in guy #1 to bring a child into this world and stay with him for 4 years. He's stood by you through some things that would've sent lesser guys packing (particularly where guy #2 is concerned) and he's done it with understanding and love.....that's got to count for something. AND, he's the father of your son. There's a lot to think about, but while you're thinking, try to see the whole of the picture. It may well be that it just doesn't get any better than the guy you have right now. He's already demonstrated an ability to roll with the punches and stick by you. Good luck to you all.

Answer 2

You people are sick! That is not marriage. You both don't even know what marriage is!

The stupid guy that you think you're married to was letting you sleep with his friend? Then lady he can't possibly love. He doesn't know what love is!

You obviously don't have no clue what love is either, so don't even say the word. All you are is some low-life scum with no morals and values. You cannot possibly say you love that idiot if you want to screw his friend and now you're disappointed, because he put a stop to it! Sick!

I become livid when I read about creatures like you, only because you have a 6 year old child! You are ruining that child's life if you're raising him.

Yea okay lady, focus your life on who you're going to have sex with. Good work. Well, I can predict your future. You will pay for this and payback is going to be a b i t c h!

Answer 3

You have to go from "I think I want to try and work it out" to "I KNOW I want to work it out". To me, that's the first step... committing yourself to the relationship.

It takes time to drift apart.... so figure it'll take time to repair whatever damages that have occurred.

Something to keep in mind..... you have a child, so seeing you yo yo between staying and going isn't healthy for your child. You want to set a good example for your kid, you know?

Breaking off the emotional affair is a good start, though you don't seem all that happy about it. I would suggest that you need first to decide what YOU want... and then, and only then... will you be able to move forward.

Once you've decided that you want to stay with your partner, I would suggest that you have a serious discussion with him about what he wants to do. And then commit to that course of action. If you stay together... then BE together. Have a date night, take a vacation... be together. Make time for each other.

Good luck to you.........

Answer 4

If you have been in a relationship with someone for 4 years and your boyfriend was ok with it to have another relationship with his friend, all of you need to go your separate ways....seems your not quite ready for commitment and lacking self esteem and maturity.... go work on yourself and then consider a relationship...

Answer 5

Wait , what? .

Your husband let you have a sexual relationship with his best friend but once he realised you were falling in love with the friend he ended it?

What in the name of everything that is normal?.

You all need help.

Answer 6

you need to make up your mind what and who you want. it is extreemly unfair to your mate to be with another man and still maintain a relationship with him. If you do not love him, leave and get it over with.. what makes you think he was OK with you screwing around with his friend?? It was a lousy thing to do and a worse thing to put this man through. He ought to kick your nasty butt to the curb and find a decent woman

Answer 7

if you don't know whether you love someone, especially after 4 years, then you don't love them. especially if you had feelings for someone else, had a relationship with them, and now are all bummed about losing the other guy. cut your losses, quickly. and don't fool yourself into thinking your guy loves you. no guy in love is gonna be okay with his girl being with another guy. period.