My marriage had fell apart before I met this other person. I just always assumed that we would be together for ever. Now I know that this person can't keep me happy and i can't make them happy if I'm not in love with them anymore. We broke up once and I spent some time with the other. I had so much fun. It was totally stress free and I had the best time of my life. This person treats me like I am the only one on earth and I love it. No one has ever treated me this way before. I know that I think of this person constantly and long to be with this person. The problem is I did go back to the one I am married to because I wanted to be sure that my feelings about this marriage are valid and not due to the other person that I met. I have known this person for a while by the way, this is not a one night thing. Now I know that I want out of my marriage but I don't want to hurt anyone. I want to be happy - am I being selfish? My other says he/she will wait as long as it takes.
2007-08-24 20:34:34 · 13 answers · asked by mystery person in love 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Okay maybe I did not add enough facts. First of all I did not have an affair. The person that I am married to and I had been separated before i ever went away with the other person. I did not look for the other person because I was unhappy. I just met them one day and we were truely friends until after the separation. Thats when things got involved and I realized that I could be happy. As far as kids go. I have one and my married partner has been apart of his/her life since birth. My marriage of course has never been perfect, as none of them are. My married partner has been both verbally and physically abusive several times in the past. However I will say that it had improved some before I left. I did not want to go back, and I had my own place but my married partner insisted that I give it another chance. I know that he/she went on other dates while we were seperated. We had marital problems way before I met this other person. I hope that after reading this I wont be judged so harshly
2007-08-25 19:50:29 · update #1
I would also like to say that my child has never met the other. He/she has no idea. I know that it would not fair to involve my child in any of my marital problems or my time with the other. He/she has seen enough of that already - refering to the abuse. I cant tell you how many times I have wanted to leave before. I never did because of that phrase " maybe theyll change, it will ge better.". It is hard to judge the situation when it comes to abuse until you have experienced it yourself. I know that because I have.
2007-08-25 20:16:08 · update #2
You have answered your own question...You already know what you need and want to do. I think you just want reassurance and to feel like your not a bad guy.
You can rest that you are not a bad guy...in a bad situation..yes...made some wrong choices...I'd say so. But not a bad person. You really need to go ahead and get out of this marriage. You are prolonging the inevitable and just making it that more difficult.
You do need to be happy...but you also need to do what's right. Let this other woman stay clear of this while you go through this divorce. It's the least you can do to try and soften the blow to your wife. And being that she was your wife...don't you at least owe her that respect and dignity. Make this divorce about the two of you...do them both a favor and don't drag another issue into it.
Good luck
2007-08-25 00:24:39 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
So you got married , met some one else , went away had a dirty weekend / week / month and then went back to your partner fully prepared to lie about the reasons of where you were? and now you want us to say hey its ok leave your partner and follow your heart because it is "TRUE LOVE".
Please , do you even know what the term "LOVE" means? .
I think your just a selfish person , your marriage got boring off track , bills , responsibilities , sex was lacking , emotional attachment lacking due to being an adult and in adult relationship , so you found some fun , sex and a free ride.
The grass is NOT greener on the other side and this person who you claim really shows you love is looken all mighty and fine now but what happens when you move in together , get married and it starts boring you? then your off looking for someone else to replace this partner as well because "YOUR" needs arent being met .
Did you ever stop to think that your current partners needs arent being met? NO because your being selfish and self absorbed .
Do your current partner the respect of leaving because they deserve better and remember "What goes around , comes around"?. 3 fold.
2007-08-24 22:48:42 · answer #2 · answered by JadeyOz 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Are there any children in this marriage? So whose suffering? The kids!!!!, Rather have 1 happy parent then 2x miserable parents. I gather all the talking has been done, and then it's time to move on. Hope the other person is worth it and you do not regret it later down that road.. Good Luck
2007-08-24 20:44:05 · answer #3 · answered by honeybeary 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I realize that hurt/pain comes in so many colors, therefore, I stopped putting all my "peas in 1 basket". Whatever you do, don't go another step without 'coming out'. Yes it may hurt your wife, but then again: she may have been feeling isolated by your distrust all along. Women's Intuition I suppose. Therefore, she may respect your honesty & want to be free from the deception. Either way, please do not put her through this farce any longer, and shame on the other woman...women can be cunning; enter the "game". The other women will NEVER admit it, but "being there" for you was STILL pulling you away, using any means necessary. The challenge she could be striving on. She should've put her 'niceties' aside so you could handle your business without her to lean on. If she wasn't so selfish, orchestrated & had more respect for herself, she would've bowed out til you cleared your head. Who knows, you may even leave her for another one day. Nothings promised. Good luck.
2007-08-25 03:58:21 · answer #4 · answered by Chili 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cant get away from it - you will end up hurting someone - I left my husband, but havent divorced him yet - always thinking this will hurt - never a good time, but the present. And besides, you are also hurting yourself, because you are not allowing yourself to move on. Do everyone a favour, and make the break and live the life you want to truly live. You seem to have given everything alot of consideration - now be kind to yourself......
2007-08-24 21:18:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Life is about being happy and making the most out of everything me myself is with a married man, he has two children and I wait for that day he settles with his wife both are unhappy and this sounds just the same you are not being selfish sit down with your wife explain these feelings if she really loves you she would want you to be happy there is no true way to get out of this unless she feels the same about the love being gone either way it goes everyone deserves to be happy it's not being selfish good luck to you
2007-08-24 20:46:13 · answer #6 · answered by Liz 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
no one can tell you what to do. and are there any children involved in ur marriage?
maybe you should have left before having an affair. You knew you weren't happy, yet you chose to stay. there must have some reasoning there for it?
only you and yourself can tell you what is best for you.
2007-08-25 10:45:46 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hope you will find happiness. I am in love with a married guy and it gives me so much pain.
2016-05-28 22:33:01 · answer #8 · answered by sabrina 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Either way you're going to hurt someone. If you stay, you're hurting yourself -if you've truly emotionally checked out of the marriage. If you go, you're hurting your wife/husband. Ultimately, you have to do what's best for yourself.
2007-08-24 20:39:53 · answer #9 · answered by Snarky 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
hey gurl sounds like the marrage is over and you love this guy you have to go with the heart here even though you have to hurt your husband to get there.Remember how happy you were that should tell you k. good luck gurl
2007-08-24 20:46:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋