Married, now seperated. Wife wanted to leave to "Find happiness through independence". She's the one who was going out every weekend with her girlfriends and leaving me to take care of HER kids. Trust was never an issue. She honors me as her husband in the sense that she wouldn't do anything I wouldn't appreciate. It's because she doesn't want to give up her nightlife. Nevermind what this is doing to me. I'm worried about the little structure those kids had before me, how they noticably improved, and how they will adjust during this rollercoaster ride their mother won't get off of. We moved today, she called me and told me our youngest fell down the stairs at their new place and cut her chin open. I'm PISSED!
2007-08-24 20:30:26 · 9 answers · asked by Type0pisces 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Ummm... I would suggest that you try to get a legal guardianship or adopt the kids before you are legally divorced. Otherwise, once you are divorced, it won't be up to you because you will have no legal right to see the kids.
Sounds like the mom should hand the kids over to you. I'm sure the biological father is a nightlife/party/scumbag and not in the picture, and it sounds like the mom ended up with a man who was too good for her, but just right for her kids.
Try to come to some formal/legal arrangement. If the biological father is not in the picture, it may be possible to get him to sign his parental rights over and then you can do a step parent adoption. If you really want to protect the kids, that is the only way to preserve your right to do so.
Get a lawyer.
Once you have a legal claim to the children, if/when you divorce you can go for custody. With your wife's habits, I don't think it would be too hard for you to get, as long as you have that initial legal claim as a guardian/adoptive father.
Seriously, get a lawyer who can advise you according to the specific laws of your state... but if you divorce as a step-father only, you will lose all rights to see the children and be at the mercy of your ex-wife (who may or may not let you).
2007-08-24 20:42:25 · answer #1 · answered by Heather L 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay involved! It's the best thing for you and these kids. Trust me, I know. I've been married three times. My second husband pretty much raised my kids from my first marriage... then we divorced and he is still in the picture.... so is the kids bio dad. They go out to visit their bio dad and step mom who lets them go visit their step dad and new step mom... then they also have my current husband who loves them like they were his own as well.
My kids are so well adjusted and happy... it's made a huge difference in their lives for them to be able to know that they have so many parents who love them.
It's obvious you've made a difference in these kids lives.. so why step out now?? Stay involved... keep loving them.
Being their dad or parent has nothing to do with dna.... being a parent is about being their for them and sticking by them through it all and loving them no matter what.
2007-08-25 01:34:33 · answer #2 · answered by az_mommma 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Family counseling... please. This gives you both the opportunity to express in a neutral environment with a professional referee.
I take it you've already tried to talk to her and get her to settle her self down. She needs to understand that without structure, these kids will be going wild in the streets and will be in danger. Intervention needs to happen NOW.
Does she have any parents in the picture that could intervene and take the kids?
Are you up to taking custody away from her?
Have you considered talking to someone at Children's Services?
In a word, she has been USING YOU to the point of abuse. She married you so she could have a babysitter. The kids are losing out in this deal.
2007-08-24 20:43:41 · answer #3 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is truthfully incredibly incredibly difficult. If my young ones are effective and properly dealt with, i might in all probability stay. i might pray. plenty. i might use my faith to locate way although. i might positioned it in God's arms and stick to the place he leads me. If there finally ends up being an out, i might take it. i do no longer think of something is ever everlasting, issues substitute on a regular basis, there are continuously different suggestions coming alongside. I ought to believe that i'm interior the properly suited place on the properly suited time. i wouldn't in any respect be waiting to depart my young ones at the back of without mom. under no circumstances. for his or her sake i might stay until eventually it incredibly is attainable for all people to depart mutually, or another extra suited decision is there.
2016-10-16 22:31:49 · answer #4 · answered by simpkins 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should because you have a bond with them that has nothing to do with whats going on between you and your wife and the kids have put a trust in you that will stay with them a lifetime if you are their for them threw all things . think of it this way why should they be hurt and lose someone they love , when they have done nothing wrong. also is shows that even in bad times there is still someone they can count on to be there even when the rest of this world turns on them.
2007-08-24 20:47:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would just to provide them with a stable adult they trust and can reach out to. If you didn't they would feel abandoned all over again, by mom's social life and your absence. Truthfully you might be able to get at least partial custody/visitation with the kids if a judge or someone believed that it was in their best interest.
2007-08-24 21:09:53 · answer #6 · answered by indydst8 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like she never left her college days behind.
Try to get custody is one option and the other depends on your relationship with her, let the kids know that you are there for them and they can depend on you.
Wish you the best and good luck
2007-08-25 03:39:49 · answer #7 · answered by will_955 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
God bless you for being there for those kids,but don't complitely take everything on you.The mother seams to be selfish,narow minded person.Once you bring another person into this life,you forget about yourself untill your kid is no longer depended on you.What i mean is you can be there for them,but the mother has to be there too.Don't let her off the hoock.
2007-08-24 20:43:13 · answer #8 · answered by avavu 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
not sure if you can do anything legally, but you can stay friends with the children if she allows it and she probably appreciate the baby sitter...t
2007-08-28 15:26:32 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋