Need advice ,preferably from some one in a similar situation.?

Question

I have an 11yr old son in sixth grade who since kindergarden has had problems.every year i get calls from teachers its very frustating and i don't know what else to do.i've tried everything from talking to rewards to punishment...i don't know what else to do.the problem is and has been year after year that they feel he needs to be tested for ADD...which i am greatly opposed to(I don't believe in ADD)but i'm at my wits end...what should i do?

Answer 1

What are your sons grades? What are the problems? Do you have issues in your relationship/s? Can he focus on things other than those he loves, such as certain video games, toys etc??

My son I do not believe is adhd, but my ex has him on mild adhd meds based on the school system. He at 10 has never had as much as an A-, is a Mathlete, baseball player, member of choir, reads at an 8th+ grade level and occasionally had behavioral problems at school.

My ex's new wife disregarded all the lifestyle changes my son went through before these behavioural problems existed--divorce, moving away from friends, family, extended family and for a short time, his father. They decided the short fix was the one to go for. Now, her son is dyslexic and her daughter at 10 weighs over 120#. Neither has ever had a stable 2 parent home, so she has NO CLUE what a child goes through when a 2 parent home dissolves. Neither does my ex, whose parents divorced when he was young. My parents are still married.

I would investigate your school systems history of prescribing without merit. IE find out the percentage of children receiving adhd meds in your school system before you proceed, and find out how many were diagnosed based onn school recommendation. Go from there.

Answer 2

Okay here is the deal. Your child may or may not be ADD but there is a whole lot of other things that could be going on. There are things that could be going on at school. My son did not want to go to school so he would intentionally do something to get sent home for. My son was tested for ADD and was found to be borderline. I refused to put my son on meds because the doctor did not want to let me be the one who decided if it was more beneficial to him, the doctor wanted the school to be the judge. Now I have talked to a psychology professor and she stated that ADD and Bi-polar disorder can manifest the same way in kids. And ADD meds would make a Bi-polar child worse.
There is also the school system you are in. That is what changed my son. We went from a metroplex with 30 or more kids in a class to the country with on 21 or less in class. The teachers are less stressed and can handle hard to teach kids better. My son is 13 and when he was in kindergarten he went through 4 teachers before the last one just refused to transfer him out. But even that teacher told me that everyday he saw my child his blood pressure would rise 10 points. So look at everything. Your son, the school, family medical history. and any thing else that could be effecting your son. because once you find the answer you are able to enjoy parent/teacher meetings.

Answer 3

ADD is just a convenient name for a host of problems. I didn't believe in ADD until I worked as a camp counsellor. it is just a convenient label for certain kinds of kids.

You want the best for your kid, right? So what if they think ADD is a medical problem and you don't, get him tested, once he qualifies, they will be able to provide many kinds of assitance.

Children who are diagnosed with ADD may qualify for special classes, special counselling, or even a one on one aid in the classroom. This is special treatment, some of which may be available for free, which WILL help your child.

Children with ADD may also qualify for special medication, and I suspect this is the part that troubles you. You are right to be worried. The medications are getting better, I've seen them work first hand, and as a temporary solution they are indeed just what overworked people with a lot of other children (like your teacher) would like. I'm not so sure they are good in the long run, and I have reason to believe they cause speech impediments, and possibly other problems. So what. He's your kid, and if you don't want him taking prescription medications, he's not going to be taking prescription medications.

Get him tested. They can help him without using drugs. It's just a label that lets him get help. Drugs aren't the only way they can help, not by a long shot. You will still get to decide what help he does and does not recieve... but if he doesn't get tested, the only help he can get is what you know to do. Sure, parents are important, but none of us knows everything, so find out what's available, and learn a little. It doesn't have to be this hard.

Answer 4

ADD and ADHD are two very real problems, and can be tested after much investigation by your child's pediatrician. You dont say what behaviours he exhibits or when/how they happen. Have you noticed any triggers to his behaviour? This diagnosis is only given after much consultation with parents, teachers and any other primary people in the childs life who observes/interacts with them. Medication (in this country anyway - Australia) is a last resort, and only begun at the lowest course and is monitored, and the child is case managed at school. I have a Year 1 Student who continually ran away, was agressive, and more often than not up in trees rather than sitting in the class. His mum went to the dr in desperation, and he was put on low dose - he is very tactile, and I quietn him down with playdough/feely toys - the effect is amazing - then he is ready to get on with his work. It doesnt happen overnight - but this boy is not 'drugged' - he is happy and glad that he is now able to focus on doing what everyone else does naturally. His academics have really picked up, and he is very popular - whereas once kids were scared to death of him. Do yourself and your son a favour - get a good pediatrician, and take it slowly. Best of luck.

Answer 5

ADD is an honest ailment. However, many people confuse ADD with poor parenting. Try every avenue you have, counselors, tutors, additional quality time with your child, etc...before you consider drugs. After all this is exhausted, at the least, do get a second and even third opinion before placing your child on meds. Consult your parents and friends (that you value, of course) ask and try to understand their opinions or your child's situation. They may be able to provide a view that you as a parent are not capable of comprehending. It's tough, but only you can make the call to medicate your child or not. What's Best for the child, not easiest for you?

Answer 6

I am of the opinion that ADD is diagnosed far too quickly in most cases, too many people who are having problems with their children are far too quick to say that they have it. However, it is a genuine disorder, and if the tests are carried out properly, by a reputable doctor, it can be controlled. One of my grandchildren has been diagnosed as having it, and I have to say that since he has been on medication, he has improved greatly. Diet also plays a big part in the control of my grand son's case, and we are now happy with his behavior, and with the progress he is making in school. I would suggest you have your son evaluated, and if it is diagnosed, try him on the medication. You can always discontinue it if you find he does not improve. At least you will know you have tried everything in your power.

Answer 7

What kind of problems is he having? Does he act up or just not get good grades? It seems like ADD is just another way to label a kid who doesn't do as he's told. When I was younger I was very hyperactive. My parents always had trouble getting me to sit still, same with the teachers at school. But eventually I grew out of it and mellowed out a bit. Even though my parents were given the option to give me something that would calm me down, they decided not to. Your son is still young, decipline him however you think best. But don't let others pressure you into going against what you think is best for YOUR son. As long as he is a good kid you should be greatful.

Answer 8

Try it you might be surprised. My sister in law had the same problem with her child and she also was strongly against the ADD, but she finally got her daughter tested and she turned out to have it. The mother tried her on the meds just to see if there would be a change and her daughter is doing so much better in school and they have a much better relationship.

Answer 9

Dear Need Advise:
I was in your shoes. I think you should get your son tested. When my son was in kindergarten they told me he was retarded. I did not believe that what so ever. I thought it was just to early for them to diagnose him. As the years went by my son was having trouble in school until I put my foot down and got my child help. The help that I did get him is that I let them test him again the results were ADHD. Yes the kindergarten Teacher was wrong my son is not retarded he just learn slower than others. What I'm saying to you gone and let them test your son. It's good to catch it early than later. You don't want him to start middle or high school with the problem.

Answer 10

Why don't you try to have him tested for ADD even you don't believe in it, you have nothing to lose. Punishing him is worse,it will not help him. It is a fact that Teachers knows childrens psychology. It is up to you ,what you should do, this is a take it or leave it advice.