Am I wrong or Is she disrespecting me?

Question

My fiancee had a son before we met and we have a son together. My son can't talk yet but her son calls me daddy and I treat him as if he were mine, but I feel like he has the idea that he doesn't have to listen to me because everytime I try to discpline him she says just leave him alone or comes to his rescue. This week we started him sleeping in his own bed (he's 2) and hes been doing great all week, layin with us and going straight to bed after family guy goes off. Well you have to be consistent with kids for it to work right? Well today she went to bed a little early so I started to take him to his bed and of course he started yelling and woke up our other son,finally got him in his bed and she comes stomping in the room pulls him out of his bed and takes downstairs to lay with her and I told her "No he needs to sleep in his bed" she ignores me and now they are asleep, I went down and told her I'm done with him not having to listen to me and she threw her ring, Am I wrong?

Also she says I dont treat him the same and I believe i do, but also if I'm going to treat him as my child shouldn't he have to listen to me just like he listens to her? I feel like she is the one that is making him feel different, she doesn't do this when i make my younger son take naps when hes supposed to, and go to sleep before 11pm (which i don't do to him and which is why he goes to sleep when decides every night)

I also told her all this disrespting me is done, and I'm not playing I am the man of the house and regardless of what everyone in this house will respect me, I have never disrespected her

Answer 1

Y3es she's disrespecting you. Get used to it dork.
Til' death do you part, Barney.

Answer 2

That is wrong what she is doing. I am in the same position. I had a child before my husband and he is now 2. I also have a daughter 7months. I let my husband discipline my son how he wants and then if I have a problem I talk to him later. If I disagreed with something and then showed it in front of my son then he would think he doesn't have to listen to him. Actually my son listens to my husband more than me. I am too easy on him. You should have your kids on a set schedule. Both my kids have naps at 1pm and go to bed at 9 pm every day. I think that you and your wife are not going to work out. I can't stand woman like that. She should be happy that you took him in as your own and respect the ways you want to discipline him. She should in courage him to listen to you. You are not wrong at all and you deserve a good wife because you sound very nice. Good Luck- I say talk to her about how you feel and if she doesn't understand tell her you can't live that way anymore and change your life for the better

Answer 3

In all honesty, the most concerning thing I read in your whole post there.. is the fact that you two are so irresponsible that you would let such young children watch 'Family Guy'. I caught a small glimpse of that show, not long ago.. and I thought it was absolutely respulsive! There is no way I would ever consider letting my child watch that garbage!

If you're having trouble getting your kids to listen to you.. perhaps you should start by trying to set an example yourself.

First of all, you can start by turning off the trash you're watching, and spend some quality time with each other. You said her son is is talking now.. Do you really want him learning that crap from tv?? I doubt that. And I assume, that WHEN he does, you'll want to "discipline" him for using bad language.. Yet, you're the ones who are settng him in front of it, as if it's okay to do. You're setting an example, even when you don't realize it.. and you need to decide whether you want it to be a good one, or a bad one. You can't have it both ways..

You are correct about one thing.. you do need to be consistent. But, you don't have to be such a jerk about it! Honestly, given your obvious rotten attitude.. consider yourself lucky that all she did was throw her ring.

Answer 4

Sounds like you two are trying to do two different things when it comes to parenting the kids, and it might help to try to sit down and have a non-confrontational talk about it when nobody is mad about anything and just try to coordinate. If the issue is that she wants to be the one to discipline her son then maybe the two of you can agree on some rules and you can agree that if she actually does enforce them, you'll leave it to her.

If she just feels that the rules and consequences you want to enforce are too strict for a 2 yr old, maybe you can negotiate the rules a little with her in advance and find a compromise so that you're not telling the kid conflicting things and getting mad at each other in the process. If the two of you can't agree on what's appropriate, maybe you could try picking out some books about parenting toddlers and reading them together.

Answer 5

She is disrespecting you and I think that she has her own fears about you treating the two sons differently and so she's looking for things that prove her right. So every time you discipline her son, she's taking it like you dont' love him as much as the other son. It sounds like it's time for family counseling if you want this relationship to work because if the 2 year old continues to act like this, you're gonna have a HUGE problem on your hands. His spoiled behavior will rub off on your other son and you will wind up treating them differently. So counseling is the way to go I think.

Answer 6

I think she's being disrespectful to you, and I think she's being disrespectful to your children. Showing favoritism towards one child is going to cause resentment and anger between the two brothers. She is also dividing your family by putting one child before you and the other child. For some reason there is a power struggle going on in your home involving her child with another man, and this just isn't healthy. And her throwing the ring is unbelievably childish, and if I were you I would take it back and keep it until you're sure you've worked this out with her. If you can't work it out, I wouldn't marry her. Trust me, the things that bother you before marriage grow to be unbearable after it, and it's better to not get married than to be unhappily married and then get a divorce.

Answer 7

I believe you need to talk to her about this. Set some rules for both of the boys and stick to them. But if he is always making such a fuss you need to let her know that you want to treat both boys the same and that you're trying to teach him to sleep in his own bed. She's probably just being protective of him. But you can't protect your sons from everything. Talk it out and reach an agreement. Tell her that you want him to start listening to you too and see if maybe she can convince him to sleep in his own bed. He might be more willing is she suggests it. Maybe you can even tell her to go put him to sleep and when he falls asleep she can creep out of the room.

Answer 8

I can't understand why parents allow their children to sleep with them in the first place. It is a bad idea and shouldn't be allowed from the beginning. You are right...if you are treating him as he were your son then he should be listening to you....your wife isn't helping matters by not forcing him to listen to you. All I can say....is if you don't get this child in his own bed soon, your troubles are only beginning.

Answer 9

Hmmmm this is interesting..... Maybe she just feels bad that he's not with his father and mother... It happens.... i dont think you're doing anything wrong, but then again im not there to witness your actions.... From what you say sounds like you're doing a pretty good job... You may just feel overwhelmed, maybe you're playing a role that she doesnt want you to... You sit down and talk about it...... As for the ring situation, us girls tend to make it personal when it comes to an argument lol

Answer 10

You need to talk with her get her opinions but keep it cool dont want get her opinion from an angery yell. need to come to an understanding tell her your feelings and work off her responses need to reach a common ground. She feels sense the kid isnt geneticaly yours you have a less bond over them you can only asure her that you care just as much for him as the other that is yours

Answer 11

No you are not wrong she is..... you need to be consistent and both share in raising the children. If she continues the way she is going you will have a monster on your hands. He will get the impression that he doesn't ever have to listen to you if she keeps this up. Before you know it it will be a house divided. This will eventually probably lead to a divorce. She needs to get off her throne and get with the program.