How can I get my step-daughter to sleep in her own bed?

Question

My wife is the farthest thing from help too. I hate sleeping in the bed with the two of them. They toss and turn and kick and it's not a pleasant night. I would rather sleep on the couch. But that's getting old now too. And on top of not getting any rest no matter where I sleep, intimacy is completely out of the question. I don't want to make my wife choose between me and her daughter, but it's getting to the point that I don't know any other option. Can someone who has had this problem please help?

My step-daughter will turn 5 on september the 6th btw

all of these are great ideas, but my wife isn't willing to try to help me out. I don't really know what other options I have besides starting world war three

Answer 1

you know, my husband brought this to my attention when we first movied in together. they were my kids and i am used to cuddling with them. so the way he put it....brushed me kind of off....but i did understand what he was saying. both my kids no longer sleep in our bed. the new baby does since he is still nursing, but i am working on him sleeping in his own bed.
a marriage bed should just be the husband and wife in it. no one else. if it's a community bed....then both partners have to be in complete agreement over it.
seriously, in 20 years......whose bed will your daughter be sleeping in anyway? i want my husband sleeping in my bed next to me in 20 years.

Answer 2

Start sleeping in your step daughters bed so that you can get a good nights rest. Tell your wife that you will come back to your bed once your daughter is sleeping in her own bed. Under no circumstances should a child be sleeping with their parents. Many parents think it is a comfort thing but it actually does more harm than good. You will have to struggle for probably a week or two to get her used to sleeping in her bed. Start out by one of you laying down with her in her bed for 20 minutes. The next night sit on the floor for 20 minutes. The next sit about two feet from the bed and so on until you are sitting outside of her door. If she gets up out of bed put her back in her bed (do not talk to her at all) and resume your position. It will finally work but it is going to take some sleepless nights. Then once you have her trained don't let her sleep in your bed again or you will have to start the whole thing back over again. And don't look at it as making your wife choose between you and her daughter as she should have never started this bad habit in the first place.

Good luck!

Answer 3

My husband and I just simply made a rule... no kids in our bedroom, except under rare circumstances, which usually is less than 4 times a year. We each came into our marriage with a daughter in tow, but we agreed that our privacy and intimacy was a priority in order for us to have a lasting marriage and general everyday happiness. Talk to your wife...good luck.

ADD: If your wife isn't willing to budge then you are up a creek, without a paddle. Maybe if you set up your own bedroom with a nice comfortable bed and sleep there by yourself. You might as well, b/c it sounds like the step-daughter has been spoiled and if your wife won't change her habits then just wait until she gets older...you're in for a real trip!

Answer 4

Here's my suggestion..... you move to another room and sleep alone. If she wants sex, she will come to you. Don't get intimate with her if she doesn't come to your room. Let her have your "matrimonial" room to sleep with her daughter. In my opinion a 5 yr old should not be sleeping with parents anymore. It's an injustice that you have to share your matrimonial bed with a 5 yr old. Most mothers would not want it either. Your wife is spoiling her daughter too much. If the situation were reversed, where you insist that your daughter (your wife's step daughter) sleeps with you and your wife , I don't think she will stand for it.
Worse comes to worse, tell her you want a divorce if she doesn't make her daughter sleep in her own room. That should scare the sh*t out of her.
Personally I wouldn't stand it for another day.

Answer 5

You really need to establish boundaries and pecking order in your household. Kids and dogs can have trouble getting used to the new "alpha" in the household. Have a little chat with the wife, then you both have a chat with the kid. You are the daddy.

See what else might be keeping her in your room... if you have to get one or two night lights, then fine. You might try putting a few drops of lavender essential oil on her pillow. Try staying in the kid's room with her, perhaps reading her a bedtime story, or rubbing her back until she drops off to sleep. Being supportive in this manner will take the edges off this transition.

When you and the wife turn in, lock your door. Be prepared to deal with fuss and begging for a few nights.

Answer 6

Why isn't your WIFE making her daughter sleep in her own bed? What is going to take is for the mother of this child to set a bedtime routine. Television off 1/2 hour before bedtime, a bath, pjs, tooth brushing, potty, drink and a story read, then lights out. A night light is appropriate. If she gets up to come to your bed mom needs to return her back to bed. If she gets up again mom again needs to take her back to her own bed. It isn't going to happen overnight. It obviously has taken quite awhile for this child to get into this habit so it is going to take a while to break her of the habit but her MOTHER needs to do it. So YOU need to communicate to your wife that her daughter sleeping in your bed is a bad habit that SHE needs to break.

Answer 7

You don't want to come between your wife and her daughter. So you can't address it directly with your step dauughter. I would suggest therapy. Ask your wife to go with you to couples counseling. Don't worry, you don't have to go forever.

This is serious. If you ever want there to be intimacy again in your marriage you need to get your wife to get your step daughter out of your bed. But you need a third party to help her to see that.

Answer 8

Are you kidding me? Letting her daughter sleep in your bed? That is crazy. I have 3 teenagers....I NEVER EVER let them sleep with me or their father. I think it is your wife's responsibility to get her daughter to sleep in her own bed.

EDIT: Maybe your wife needs to see a therapist....perhaps she is the one having separation anxiety from her daughter. Does she ever intend for her daughter to sleep in her own room? This is not healthy at all.....and the longer your wife waits to end this....the harder it will be for your step daughter. Short of sleeping on the couch, or sleeping in your step daughter's bed, the only thing I can think to do is leave your wife.

Answer 9

SO here is what we did to get our daughter to sleep in her room. We went to the craft store and bought a butterfly stencil and paints. Then we went home and traced about 8 butterflies out on her bedroom wall. We got her supper excited about it explained to her that each night she slept in her bed we would paint a butterfly. We drew more butterflies each time she filled the rest up( we only got to 12 before she was doing great without them). She loved it and it worked for us. Good luck I feel for you!

Answer 10

This is insane! I absolutely HATE it when parents try to justify why their kids should sleep with them. I have never allowed this,and we have 4 kids.All this does is encourage codependance,which is very unhealthy,mentally and emotionally.If I were you,if she didnt care more about your feelings than that,tell her youre going to let her and her kid have the bed,and youre getting an apartment,and find someone that has some sense.My god,what is the world coming to? If my kids ever get up in the night I put them back to bed.This situation is hopeless if she has to have someone explain to her that this is wrong!.You deserve MUCH better.