Feeling sad...?

Question

Well, as you all probably know, i have alot of problems with my parents after this whole divorce thing. My mom told me that they were getting a divorce in June. I saw that i had a new message on my phone so i picked it up and listened to it. It was from some guy i didn't know. It was like 'I love you...I miss you...I wish i could be laying next to you right now'. I asked my mom if she knew who that guy was (i used his actual name). She did. Turns out she's been going out with him since 2004. He was the guy who built our house in 2004. My mom told me that her and my dad had gotten a divorce before that...but they lived with eachother until 2007. My mom still even wears my dad's engagement ring. I'm just so confused. I feel so sad. She used to be like a role model to me. My mom tells me that i need to stop being so dramatic. I'm not trying to be. It really does hurt...more than the divorce did. How can i get her to realize how i feel? Please, only constructive advice. Thank you.

**My mom said that he must have accidently called my phone number because mine and hers are very similar.

Well...it's hard to talk to her. She thinks that it's her own personal life and the only difference now is that i know. She doesn't get how this hurts me so much. Everytime i try to talk she attacks me on every sentence.

baseballdad: Do not tell me to grow up! I am much more mature than most people my age. Anyway, why are you so certain my family stayed together for financial purposes? My family is far from poor, my dad being a doctor. Don't even give me that. You sound just like my mother.

Answer 1

Sorry to hear that you are going through this. Write your mom a letter from the heart to tell her how you are feeling. You are not being dramatic. These are your true feelings and she should value them. If she was having an affair she probably never admit to it because then she will have to admit she did wrong. At least you are learning from this for when you are married that you need to be faithful to your marriage.

Good luck!

Answer 2

First of all, grow up! You are 14 which means in 2004 you were 11 and they were divorced before that. You were too young to have any say in what was going on. You don't have any say in what is going on now. BUT you are old enough to KNOW what is going on to a certain extent for your own peace of mind. Sit your Mother down and tell her you want to know everything about what is going on. You are confused, hurt, and feel you are old enough at least to meet her boyfriends. You will find that your parents lived together for fincancial reasons. The fact that they could still be friends for years and share the same house is great. Most couples can't stand each other after divorce. Do they still sleep in the same bed? (or haven't you noticed?) Tell your mom it is time to come out of the closet and keep you informed. You are old enough now to know what sex is and dating and relationships are all about.

Get over it! The hurt you feel is not the divorce but for some reason you think she owes you an explaination. Ask her for one. But she doesn't owe you a why, just a factual account of what has been happening and why such a secret. The secrets hurt, not the divorce.

Answer 3

I know its hard to understand how this could happen, but the truth is your mom and dad are human and are going to make mistakes. Just because they divorced does not mean they do not love you. She is wrong in telling you not to be so dramatic, but sadly sometimes people fall out of love with their spouses and love someone else. Dont judge her too harshly, noone really knows what her relationship with your dad was really like. Yes she has done things that perhaps have you questioning whether she is a good role model or not. But she is your mother, try telling her how you feel, and that the message was really a shock to you. I do not know how old you are so of course age makes a difference. Don't let this mistake that she has done affect your relationship with her.

Answer 4

Your parents really love you.
They have been living double lives to maintain stability in YOUR life. This must have been causing them a great deal of stress and bad feelings. You aged enough between 2004 and 2007 that they felt you were old enough to handle the truth.
Your parents are not happy with each other. They outgrew each other and moved on emotionally, and the divorce is just finishing it up.
Their love for you has not changed, so don't take any of it personally. This isn't about you. Quite frankly it isn't any of your business. Don't attempt to make them feel guilty. Get out of judgement because that will only cause a rift between you and them.
You must respect their desire to be happy, and love them unconditionally. You focus on being a good support system for each of them, spend time with each of them and tell them you love them.
If you have to, talk to a school counselor, or ask your parents for some sessions with a family counselor to help you deal with all of this.
Now... flip this around. You now have 2 households and 2 sets of Christmas and birthday gifts coming to you. How cool is that?

Answer 5

Parents are human. They do not always make right choices or choices that we feel are right. Just realize this is your mother's life and she has to live with the consequences of her actions. This does not mean she doesn't love you. You sound like you are very mature, make your own decisions. Learn from her mistakes. Try to make time in your life for just you and your mom. Tell her you want this time with her. Keep talking to her. Not when you are mad. Maybe write your feelings down for her to read. Start off the letter that you really love her and that you need her to recognize your feelings.

Always remember that your mom and dad's issues do not take away how they feel about you.

Take care of yourself.

Answer 6

What your mom did is contradicting indeed.
She might still have feelings for your dad due to all the past thats why she still wears the ring.
Secondly, because shes still living with your dad so her ring's still on. There might be a possibility that when shes out with that man, the ring was taken out.
Regarding about why shes with that man, it could be because of financial ability and supports that that man can give your mom what she always wanted as compared to your dad.(Sorry if ive said anything wrong)(No ill intention)
Find a day or make known to her that you need to have a talk with her 1st, because that will make her be aware of your intention and she will be prepared for this.
Speak out to your hearts content on how you feel and see whats her reaction or answers to you are.
Best of luck.

Answer 7

UMM You are totally in a whole different world. Did you just meet your mother like 2 minutes ago? where have you been since 2004? i just dont get how you can be hurt and not know your own families issues, even if she kept it a secret, why did your MOM have to tell you later that she and you father diorced at this point and blah blah blah. IF ANYTHING you should be sad/mad that your mother hides things from you and then expects you to be normal about it when you DO find out. JUST tell her to grow up.

Answer 8

that's your parents love life, you should respect their decision! as for that guy calling you, sound fishy!!!!!

Answer 9

oh crap that sucks.